NLP Patterns

1. This is a strange article title to some, I believe. The fact is I love NLP and what it can do, but I don’t really like NLP per se. Most of the theory behind it is actually an eclectic collection of different, well-known ideas, but it seems like there are a lot of individuals out there who think that NLP is not proven, or is pseudo-science (or worse, the religion Scientology). I enjoy NLP for what it does for people. The basic premise is learn what works and model after it. Many modeling strategies that were formed were not out of the theory of human psychology. They were based on the practical reality of human behavior. In other words, if I need to get people to achieve good results, there is always a configuration in that desired outcome that allows it to happen. I don’t know if people understand this, because NLP does not give you a “solution” immediately. It does, however, give you the ability to think around the problem to arrive at that solution. So, really, it’s like engineering. You’re creating the machinery and the system to get to where you need to go, with the exception that the machine is actually a metaphor for you. So, you can tell it’s quite difficult to explain what NLP is. Here’s the definition I’ve always used: “NLP is the factory that builds vehicles to where you want to go. Modeling is the power button.”

2. See, the NLP methodology of modeling a person’s linguistic pattern has many correlations to the concepts I learnt in linguistics and discourse analysis. In reality, we study people through their language anyway. It’s just that whenever it’s not 100% within our control, we may “misunderstand”. Psychology doesn’t explore much about “misunderstanding” but I know discourse analysis does. Within the conversational explorations of language, Bandler and Grinder, co-founders of NLP, discovered some processes in our natural language. During the same time, pragmatics was being turned into an entire field of study. For the uninitiated: - Syntax - structure of language; Phonology - sounds in language; Semantics - meaning in language; Pragmatics - meaning in conversation and use. It’s interesting to note that there are some people who use the term “Semantic” but they aren’t really getting the point behind NLP. NLP is very pragmatic because it uses conversation as the main leverage tool. As far as I can tell, it is through interaction (not just verbal conversation alone) that change happens. It’s natural, and we know it from our social interactions, too.

3. Many people have attempted to talk about NLP in scientific statistical terms. I prefer to think of it as conversing. I think anyone who wants to run NLP trainings should pay attention to the delivery of the training more so than the techniques of the training. Or else NLP might just turn out more boring than you’d like it to be. Actually, I’ve pondered about running a “live” physical NLP Practitioner training again for some time. Some people have put the thought in my mind, and usually when that happens, the thought turns into reality after some time. I decided I should talk about patterns in NLP. These formats, however, should not be applied by anyone unless they are properly trained to be nlp practitioner. If you want to develop the skill and capability of NLP practitioners and master practitioners, join in my regular NLP interviews and teleseminars. Frustration is something I had to deal with —it’s one of my personal demons as well. Somethings that bothered me could have caused me to snap at people near me. So, I decided to figure out how that strategy worked for me. The reason was clearer when I realized I had a lot of “should” rules. For instance, I believed that people should not interrupt me when I had a schedule planned. Unfortunately, that affected my ability to be flexible in my behavior. Hence, I deliberately changed this reaction. Instead of feeling irritation and frustration, I decide to

4. stop and check if the interruption is important. After all, if I am interrupted, it’s likely that it is an important thing. By checking the priorities, I look at whether such an interruption requires my attention. If it does, I change my schedule to suit it. If it doesn’t, I point people in the right direction. If it is an interruption which is not important, my desired response is to laugh at it, and to make fun of the situation and frustration no longer is a necessary state. Step 1: Think of situations which interrupt. Check if they are visual, auditory or kinesthetic interruptions. Step 2: Use the Swish Pattern, using moments of interruption to your work to trigger a meta state. Disassociate and check “how important is this”. Measure against the belief that being interrupted could mean someone needs help. Consider the highest positive intention of the other person. - Compare the image of you needing to complete your task versus someone else in need - Future pace both realities and assess the consequences if either party’s need is neglected. - Based on assessment of the consequences, which one is more important?

5. Step 3a: If what the other person needs is more important, check if you can both get what you want. Step 3b: If unimportant or frivolous interruption, play along, elicit humor and be in the moment before returning to your priority.