Lecture #6 Anxiety, Change & Conflict

1. Lecture #6 Anxiety, Change & Conflict • Jennifer Nichols and Connie Goodbread

2. Anxiety is an unpleasant, emotional state that involves a complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, and worry. It is often accompanied by physical sensations such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, or tension headache.

3. Anxiety • Anxiety is an emotional disturbance. • Acute anxiety is the emotional disturbance that is crisis generated. • Chronic anxiety is structured into the system itself.

4. Anxiety • Anxiety is a critical foundation in humans. • We can't live without it. • It arouses us to make changes in our lives. • When it gets too intense and crosses a threshold it paralyses us.

5. Fourteen Fifteen Triggers • Money • Type of worship • Issues involving sex/sexuality • Pastor’s leadership style • Power and Authority • Old versus new • Growth/survival • Staff conflicts/resignation of staff • Internal or external focus • Major trauma, tension, or transition • Harm done to or by a child/death of a child • Property building, space, territory • Distance between the ideal and the real • Lay leadership’s style • Boundary issues

6. Anxiety • Healthy systems handle acute anxiety with resiliency. • Unhealthy systems are, by nature, anti-resilient.

7. Leadership • Leaders lead - • The practice of Followship • adventure.

9. Leadership • Leaders lead by presence and functioning • The two traits that great leaders have are self-differentiation and a grand sense of adventure.

10. Leadership • Leaders take responsibility for their own actions. They are not responsible for how others function. • The leader is the person who most influences an emotional field.

11. Anxious Times • Pages 37 - 38 - Crossing Antarctica - Sir Ernest Shackelton

12. Change • No Really

14. First Answer to Change • No! • Second - No! • Third - No!

15. Okay - Now what? There is loss.

16. Change • "Change is inevitable; misery is optional." - Ed Friedman

17. There is fear

18. Leadership • Is to be in the role of Agent of Change. • How do we do this? • What must we understand?

19. GilRendle’s“The Roller Coaster of Change” • The roller coaster of change is a model that identifies a natural sequence of feelings and relationships that are a part of change... • It is impossible to talk ideas with people on the feeling side of the roller coaster. • If change is to happen we must be able to tolerate the pain in others. T H I N K I N G F E E L I N G Sabotage

21. Understanding the Issue • Can we sit in the pain long enough to discern what the issue actually is? • Can we tolerate our own pain and the pain of others to come to the best path?

22. Understand the issue • Do we have a polarity? • Do we have a technical issue? • Do we have an adaptive issue? • Is this a homeostatic issue? • Is this a size issue?

23. Adaptive vs Technical • Technical issue has a quick answer • Thing • Adaptive is complicated we don’t seem to have the whole picture • Relational

24. Leading Change • Understand the deepest reasons for the existence of the congregation. • Understand yourself who and what you serve remember you are a servant leader. • Understand the principle that the change is based upon. • Stay in relationship ask • “What happens if we do this?” • “What happens if we don’t do this?” • Act with humility. • Take the time to build trust.

25. Leading Change • Take a principled stand for the good of the whole. • Identify the individuals or group(s) that will be the most affected or have the most to lose. • Involve them in the process early. • Stand with the people as they struggle with their emotions. • Do not stop the process because of discomfort.

26. Leading Change • Expect, invite and empower additions to the vision. • Expect sabotage and don’t let it take over. • Celebrate success. • Name Learnings. • Thank people.

27. Leading Change • Thank them again • Moving forward • Assess – what did we learn? • What went well? • What didn’t? • How does this change our plans? • Who else needs to know what we have learned? • What is the next principled change that is needed for the good of the whole (the common good)?

28. Conflict - LevelsSpeed Leas - Alban Consultant • Purpose is to De-escalate a Conflict: • The purpose of this information is to help congregational leaders to identify possible difficulties and to help to de-escalate a conflict as soon as possible. • Levels are not Discrete: • There usually are not clear distinctions between conflict levels.

29. Conflict - Levels • Characteristics are Inclusive: • As a corollary to the above note, the identification of the conflict level ought to be derived from looking at all characteristics, rather than one or two that seem to dominate. • Team Approach should be Considered: • The suggested leadership skills acknowledge that no one person may have all the skills needed to manage a higher-level conflict.

30. Conflict - Levels • Training Required for all Intense Levels: (above 1.5) • It is recommended that all members of a Committee on Ministry and Staff be trained to handle level one conflict. At level three congregational leaders should be talking with District and Regional Staff. Level four and five usually require professional outside consultants in conflict management. • Please note - if your congregation has a committee that is designated by the Policies and Procedures of the congregation to deal with conflict they need additional training for levels two and three. It is not healthy for the Committee on Ministry to continue in that role beyond level one.

31. Conflict - Levels • LEVEL ONE - PROBLEM TO SOLVE • LEVEL TWO - DISAGREEMENT • LEVEL THREE - CONTEST • LEVEL FOUR - FIGHT/FLIGHT • LEVEL FIVE - INTRACTABLE • LEVEL SIX - DENIAL

32. Clarifying Questions

33. Review • S-elfdifferentiation • H-omeostasis • I-dentified Patient • F-amily Field • T-riangulation