Cross-Generational and Non-Normative Relationships

1. Cross-Generational and Non-Normative Relationships By: Amy Rothblum and Lisa Martin

2. Preview • Generational Relationships • Nontraditional grandparenting roles • Non-normative romantic relationships Catharine Zata Jones and Michael Douglas

3. What are generational Relationships? • Generation: • Roughly 30 years • Average period between when children grow up and birth their offspring. • Cross-generational: • Skipping over one generation to the next

4. Grandparenting • For younger people, most high quality communication occurs with grandparents • Most frequent • First source of intergenerational communication • Mutually beneficial • Grandchild has a more effective transition to adulthood • Grandparent has a higher social interaction and life satisfaction (Harwood, 2007)

5. Closeness in Grandparent Relationships • Closer to grandmothers than grandfathers • Closer to maternal grandmother • Grandchildren are more fond of healthier and younger grandparents • Why do you think that might be?

6. Closeness in Grandparent Relationships • Affiliation: Expression of love • Pride: Express accomplishments to others • Exchange: Describing what they do for their grandchild and what their grandchildren do for them • Distance: Geographically distant or distant due to grandchild’s parents

7. Grandparents Day • Grandparents are celebrated • Founded by Marian McQuade • Originally started to help the lonely elderly in nursing homes • Hoped to persuade grandchildren to gain knowledge and history • Celebrated the first Sunday after Labor Day • September 9, 2012 • Grandparents Day

8. Non-Traditional Grandparents

9. Non-Traditional Grandparents Off-time Grandparents • Typically very young • If one becomes a grandparent to early, they may not feel “ready” and will resist the identity role that is expected • Working full time • Raising children of their own • Difficulty integrating children with grandchild • How might this be hard for the parent as well? Divorce • Leads to grandparent rights • Especially hard if grandchild is not with custodial parent

10. Non-Traditional Grandparenting Grandparents raising grandchildren • Strengths: • Pride • Joy • Feeling of being needed • Hardships: • Social isolation • Shifts in social networks • Physical, emotional, psychological strain • Examples?

11. Non-Traditional Grandparenting Grandparents raising grandchildren: negotiating the complexities of role-identity conflict • Feelings of disappointment and frustration • Lack of adequate financial and social support • Foster cares appreciated for what they do, while they were expected to do the same job without government support • Felt unjustly blamed (Backhouse and Graham, 2011)

12. Non-Traditional Grandparenting • Grandparents are taking on a more predictable parent role • Problem lies with middle generation issues • substance abuse • child abuse • neglect • teenage pregnancy • HIV/AIDS • parental unemployment (Turner and West, 2006)

13. Non-Normative Relationships Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

14. Non-Normative Relationships Defined • Violates social norms with regard to partner age differences and romantic involvement Evolutionary Theory • Men select women who are able to bare children • Men can be with young women because men are more fertile later in age than women • Women select men who can provide them security and commitment • Men accept women -15 yrs., women accept men +10 yrs (Cupach, 2011) Have these roles changed?

15. Non-normative relationships • Society does not favor older women dating younger men. • The term cougar is coined • Connotative vs. denotative meanings What do you think of this term since men do not have one? • Double standard • Older men can date younger women • Negative connotation with women dating younger men Why do you think this is a double standard? Hue Hefner

16. Non-Normative Relationships • Extreme cases • Hollywood • News Story Which is more acceptable?

17. Non-Normative Relationship • Negative Assumptions • Power imbalance-male vs. female • Clashes of personal values- evolutionary theory • Less support-family, friends, society • Positive Assumptions • Increase life satisfaction (grandparent to grandchild) • Less jealousy • More trust

18. Age Difference in Marriages Older women/younger men: A look at the implications of age difference in marriage • Women reported to being attracted to younger men before marriage • Half of the couples interviewed for the study agreed that there were issues with power, money and work in different developmental stages • Some hesitant to tell others about relationship for fear of judgment prior to marriage • Men saw women's maturity and stability as advantage (Proulx, Caron & Logue, 2006)

19. Sexuality and Culture Changing the scripts: Midlife women’s sexuality in contemporary US film • Society is embracing phenomenon of the cougar through media • TV land’s The Cougar and NBC Age of Love • Potential market is baby boomer women • This programming embraces a women’s sexuality • However, these women are “trimmed, dyed and fit” and do not match the average looking 40 year old women (Weitz, 2009)

20. Future Research • How are the non-normative relationships represented in other cultures? • Mostly looked at in the Western societies • May be different in areas where arranged marriages are customary • Further research will look at a more diverse sample in age gap romances • Homosexual or lesbian couples • Interracial relationships (Cupach, 2011)

21. References • Backhouse, J., & Graham, A. (2012). Grandparents raising grandchildren: Negotiating the complexities of role-identity conflict. Child & Family Social Work, 17(3), 306-315. • Connor, S. (2006). Grandparents raising grandchildren: Formation, disruption and intergenerational transmission of attachment. Australian Social Work, 59(2), 172-184. • Cupach, W. R., & Spitzberg, B, H. (2011). The dark side of close relationships II. New York: Routledge Taylor & Francis Group. • Harwood, J. (2007). Understanding communication and aging. Los Angeles: Sage Publications.

22. References • National Grandparents Day Council. Grandparents Day.(2012). National grandparents day. Date Retrieved October 30, 2012 from http://www.grandparents-day.com/ • Proulx, N., Caron, S. L., & Logue, M. (2006). Older women/younger men: A look at the implications of age difference in marriage. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 5(4), 43-64. • Turner, L. H., & West, R. (2006). The family communication sourcebook. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications. • Weitz, R. (2010). Changing the scripts: Midlife women’s sexuality in contemporary U.S. film. Sexuality & Culture, 14(1), 17-32.