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SPICE Index. For infertile couple Dr. Phil Boyle CFCP, MICGP Dublin, Ireland. SPICE. Spiritual Physical / Psychological Intellectual Creative / Communicative Emotional Multi-Dimensional nature of Human Sexuality. SPICE. How do you love without intercourse?
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SPICE Index For infertile couple Dr. Phil Boyle CFCP, MICGP Dublin, Ireland
SPICE • Spiritual • Physical / Psychological • Intellectual • Creative / Communicative • Emotional Multi-Dimensional nature of Human Sexuality
SPICE • How do you love without intercourse? • You want to express love and be intimate, but must love without intercourse unless you want another baby • Deepening of relationship through periodic abstinence
SPICE • These couples enjoy intercourse and look forward to it, but must abstain if they wish to limit family size
SPICE Index • A tool to help couples • Learn how to love in non-genital ways
SPICE for the infertile couple • Different psychology • Feel forced to have intercourse when they may not want to • How do you love each other when you have to have intercourse?
SPICE for the infertile couple • Intercourse is baby focused • “It is baby making time” • “make sure you are home early” • “ We can’t do that, because we have to….”
SPICE for the infertile couple • An intensity creeps into the fertile time where a real effort is made to get pregnant • Worries • are we doing this correctly? • Seminal fluid discharge • Sexual position • Arousal • Orgasm
SPICE for the infertile couple • Worries woman • He should leave me • He deserves someone who could have a child • I am not a complete woman • It is my fault • I am not attractive to him any more
SPICE for the infertile couple • Worries man • She should leave me • She deserves someone who could have a child • I am not a complete man • It is my fault • I am not attractive to her any more
SPICE for the infertile couple • Man • Impotence during “Critical Time” • Woman • Not aroused • Intercourse is dry, uncomfortable and not enjoyable or pleasant
SPICE for the infertile couple • Reinforces negative perceptions about self • He / She no longer finds me attractive or interesting • Often too painful to discuss
SPICE for the infertile couple • Worries • He/ she will never accept infertility • How can we live our vocation to love if we do not have children?
During fertility treatment • Initially • Avoid intercourse for the first month
During fertility treatment • Then • Restrict intercourse to the non-fertile time • Typically after 4 - 5 cycles, couple are ready to resume intercourse during the fertile time
During fertility treatment • The break from fertility focused intercourse (FFI) is welcome and allows space for the couple to resume loving each other because they want to. • The process does this, often with little input from doctor or teacher-practitioner
During fertility treatment • The break from fertility focused intercourse (FFI) is welcome and allows space for the couple to resume loving each other because they want to. • The process does this, often with little input from doctor or teacher-practitioner 28% 74% 46%
During fertility treatment • Once FFI resumes pressure can return • Advice • Now that everything is working like it should……
During fertility treatment • Once FFI resumes pressure can return • Advice • Now that everything is working like it should……you are ready to stop trying to conceive!
During fertility treatment • Keep charting • Take all of your treatment • But be free to love each other as often as you wish during the fertile time • One day, every day…. or any combination you choose
During fertility treatment • Feel free to say – I really think tomorrow would be a better day • I feel more like waiting until tomorrow • Give each other freedom to skip some of the fertile days
During fertility treatment • Keep it romantic • Keep your sense of humour!
SPICE • Spiritual • Physical / Psychological • Intellectual • Creative / Communicative • Emotional Multi-Dimensional nature of Human Sexuality
SPICE • Spiritual • Pray for the gift of a child • Dr. George!. • International Conferences • Fr. Des O’Malley • Charismatic Doctor – Prayed with his patients • Novena – St. John Paul II • Novena – St. Jose Maria Escriva
Spiritual • Confession – in a state of grace for healing, health and Holy Spirit • Aim to be in a state of grace • Holy Spirit is the Lord and Giver of Life! “Come holy spirit creator blessed and in our bodies be our guest”
Spiritual – Healing • Fr. Dwight Longenecker • Rosary for inner healing
Spiritual • Model of conception – Our Lady “Be it done unto me according to thy will”…..100 times a day • Let go and let God….. • “And she whom people have called barren is now in her 6th month for nothing is impossible to God.”…..but we often need to wait for HIS time!
Spiritual - Wedding feast of Cana • Couple have no wine • Symbolic – running on empty, nothing left to give • Sacrament of Matrimony • Do whatever he tells you • Allow God to bring the best to both of you
Spiritual – Pray together • Hold hands or place hands on tummy, and visualise healing– Hagiotherapy • Thank you God for the Gift of my spouse…… • Bless her (him) with perfect health • Heal whatever is blocking your creative power from working in us
Physical • Touch each other regularly • Hand on shoulder, back • Hug • Non arousal, affirming touch
Intellectual - • Verbal • “I Love you” • Text • “Thinking about you…” • E mail • Share something fun – involve each other • Social Media
Intellectual - • Catholic Infertility Support Group • Rosary for inner healing
Emotional – Spice Index • Dare to care • Connect with your feelings • Men – Emotional Wimps
Emotional – Healing • Catholic Infertility Bloggers www.thiscrossiembrace.com Amy Sherlock
Emotional – Healing • Discover that suffering is not futile • The cross is full of possibilities to transform pain into something beautiful • The Christian paradox of Sweet sorrow • Redemption!
