Same-Sex Marriage: A Good Thing

1. Same-Sex Marriage: A Good Thing Honourable Carolyn Bennett M.D.,M.P.

2. What makes a stronger society ? Love and Commitment ‘til death do us part’ OR Romantic view of word/ceremony

3. Eric Joyce MP, for Falkirkblog on the vote today in UK • “People get freedom of religious observation, right?” • “But you have to take a view in the end. And, actually, mine is just based on love and democracy. That’s all.” • “Love sits at the heart of it, actually. “ • In Falkirk, everyone should be allowed to love and to express that in the same way; f*** however they like, bring up kids well, get married. They might not like the way I say it, but I think Falkirk folk would agree if put properly to the test. • Marriage for all, regardless of sexuality, it is.

4. Introduction • Confessions of a florist’s daughter • I went to Havergal • Family physician • ‘next of kin’ • AIDS epidemic taught me a great deal • Leaving an abusive spouse to raise a child with a same-sex partner • Civil Ceremony City Hall 1980 • “Our country will only be as strong as its individual family units” .

5. Love & Marriage • It’s about the choice to formalize and loving and committed relationship • Imperative to redefine what it takes to make a modern society – celebrate the evolution, institution by institution. • Need to implode the argument that has been made that the state should have nothing to do with marriage, because it is a tradition that precedes the state.

6. Marriage & Religion • Marriage has traditionally been a religious institution – evolving • 2011 Ipsos Reid poll: 30% of Canadians do not believe in God • Same sex couples may also be devoutly religious • State should not be telling Reverends & Rabbi’s they cannot perform marriages • Civil marriage and civil union quickly becoming the same thing – matter of choice

7. Evolution - begins • U.S. : Whites not allowed to marry blacks • Canada: Whites not allowed to marry Chinese • So Chinese men married First Nations women • Senator Lillian Dyck’s story Café Daughter • THINGS CHANGE….. That’s a good thing ….

8. Evolution –“The toothpaste is out of the tube” • 1995 –C-167, Ontario’s attempt to extend family benefits to employees in same-sex relationships /adoption • SCC: Rosenberg Decision, 1998 - not appealed • 2000 – Omnibus Bill C-23, gave same-sex couples same benefits and obligations as common-law couples • 2003 Chrétien: announces SSM legislation allowing churches etc “to sanctify marriage as they see it “ "There is an evolution in society“ • 2005 – Bill C-38, Law on Civil Marriage

9. Evolution – swift shift, generational • Canada fourth country in world to legalize same-sex marriage • Now 11 countries: Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland, Argentina, Denmark • UK and France : Bills before Parliament • 1999: In US, same-sex marriage not legal in any state • Less than 15 years later: legal in 9 states and Washington D.C. • In Canada, the 2011 Census counted 64,575 same-sex couple families, up 42.4% from 2006 • Room-mates no more !

10. “Sanctity” of Marriage • Sanctity of marriage – nonsense • Refusal to deal with the misogyny of many traditional marriages • Power differential of heterosexual marriage • fistulae in Africa • How do sham marriages, abusive or unfaithful marriages between a man and woman increase the sanctity of marriage, rather than render that term meaningless? • Hypocrisy – • those arguing ‘sanctity’ not exactly exemplary …. • Why do they think that affording ‘marriage’ to other ‘lessens’ their relationship ?

11. Parenting • Right to loving parents and a stable home • People are happier and healthier in stable relationships • And live longer ! • Family violence – children are better off in single parent families than in a violent household • Children from high conflict families have an increased likelihood of poor outcomes: dropping out of school, poor grades, smoking, binge drinking, marijuana use, early sex, non-marital fertility, and union dissolution

12. Same-Sex Parenting • Children of same-sex couples are as likely to make normal progress through school as the children of most other family structures • Beliefs that lesbian and gay adults are not fit parents have no empirical foundation • Monoparentalunits & same-sex parents recognize need to have ‘other sex’ role-models for their children • Grandparents, aunts, uncles, open adoption, relationships with surrogates • Surrogates often with egg donor from different woman

13. The Future of Same-Sex Marriage • Discussion not quite over – evolution always two steps forward, one step back. • In 2006, – Conservative motion to reopen the same-sex marriage debate – defeated 175-123 including 12 CON MP’s incl 5 Ministers • Government has recently spent public money fighting the recognition of gay relationships in Canada - intervened to oppose recognizing aU.K. civil partnership in Canadawhen two men filed for divorce here. • California :June 2008 SCC allowed SSM, ended Nov. Proposition 8, 2010 declared unconstitutional, appealed 2012…. Awaiting decision in June 2013

14. Same-Sex Marriage Are we there yet ? • Romantic view of marriage vs. love, commitment & democracy • Progress, but still an evolution. • Uganda …. Death penalty for being gay… • Question of building stronger communities • “But you have to take a view in the end. And, actually, mine is just based on love and democracy. That’s all.” Eric Joyce MP

15. References • Are Both Parents Always Better Than One? Parental Conflict and Young Adult Well-Being by Kelly Musickand Ann Meier • Portrait of Families and Living Arrangements in Canada Statistics Canada • Nontraditional Families and Childhood Progress Through School by Michael J. Rosenfeld • Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile Statistics Canada • Defining Marriage: Defense of Marriage Acts and Same-Sex Marriage Laws National Conference of State Legislatures

16. References 2 • Rosenberg Speech 1998 by Dr. Carolyn Bennett • Gay Marriage is Settled, Right?by Robert Leckey • Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment on Gay Marriage by Keith Olbermann • UK MP Eric Joyce blog http://ericjoyce.co.uk/2013/02/1601/