Attraction & Intimacy

Attraction & Intimacy Liking & Loving Others

I. We need to belong or connect with others in enduring, close relationships. Why??? **Promotes survival (more hands to help build shelter) • **Positive love relationships promote happiness & well-being as well as increase chances offspring will thrive. **Jilted, widowed, & divorced people more likely to experience depression than those in happy relationships.

What’s is like to be ostracized? • Horrible & harmful!!! • Those ostracized –more likely to have depression, anxiety, & difficulty restoring relationships. • Being ignored by one’s in-group or society is neglect—a form of emotional abuse.

II. Friendships • What factors nurture liking & loving? • 1. Proximity • 2. Physical attractiveness • 3. Similarity Versus Complementarity • 4. Liking those who Like us

A. Proximity: • Being in close proximity often breeds liking. • People tend to marry someone who lives close to them (same neighborhood; job) • Why does proximity breed liking???

1. Interaction: • Those with whom our paths cross (work, school, gym, military) are more likely to become our friends. • Interaction enables us to explore our similarities to see if there’s mutual liking.

Availability • It’s harder to get to know people who don’t live nearby, work in the same field, or go to a different school. • Physical availability makes getting to know others easier.

Why does proximity encourage affection rather than animosity? • --Adaptability-it’s adaptive to get along with those nearby. • --Common ground—We can discover each others similarities easier when they are close by. • --Merely anticipating interaction-boosts liking

2. Mere-exposure- to stimuli boosts our preferences for them. • Zajonc (1968, 1970) flashed images of Chinese figures to Ss for brief time periods on session 1. During session 2, Ss were flashed with the same images as well as new ones for longer time periods. They had to rate their preference for each image. • Ss preferred images they had previously been exposed to. • Thus, mere exposure leads to liking even when people are unaware they have been exposed.

B. Physical Attractiveness • 1. Attractiveness and dating -- • A woman’s attractiveness is a good predictor of her dating/relationship frequency, • This is less true for men.

Do men care more about the attractiveness of the femalethan vice versa??? Hatfield Study (1966)- matched 752 University of Minnesota 1st year students for a “welcome week” dance. • Students were given personality & aptitude tests, but were actually matched randomly with another student. • During dance, couples were paired together to talk & dance for over 2 hours. • Males were more likely to “like” the female if he thought she was attractive.

2. The Matching phenomenon (likes attract likes) • People tend to be attracted to those who are similar in physical attractiveness & intellectual status. • If one partner is lacking in “attractiveness” they usually have other qualities that compensate (wealth, status, power). • Younger women & older men (Donald Trump • & Marla Maples, Michael Douglas & Kathryn • Zeta-Jones).

3. Attractiveness stereotype • We are hard-wired to like attractive people. • Both children & adults will stare longer at people with attractive than unattractive faces. • We tend to rate attractive people as more: • intelligent • Successful • Happy • Seuxally responsive • friendly

Who determines attractiveness? • What is most average is beautiful (Langlois & Roggman, 1994) found the most average face is considered the most beautiful. • These researchers digitized 32 faces of college students & used a computer to average them. • Ss judged the “averaged” faces as more appealing than 96 % of individual faces.

Why should average-ness & symmetry determine what’s attractive? • May signal health & fertility.

C. Similarity vs. complementarity • The more similar people are (beliefs, values,etc.) the more likely they are to have relationships with one another. • We are less likely to like others who share very different values than ourselves.

D. Liking those who like us We tend to like those who like us (cool, the mutual admiration society!!!!) We have to believe this is sincere, & not self-serving on the other person’s part.

III. Love • How do we define it? • Two types: • --Passionate • --Companionate

A. Passionate Love: • Is emotional, exciting, & intense (rollercoaster ride of joy & despair). Theory of passionate love • Passionate love is the psychological experience of being biologically aroused by someone we find attractive. Schater & Singer’s theory of emotion

Dutton & Aron Bridge (1974) study: • A young attractive female approached individual male Ss as after they had crossed a wobbly suspension high above a rocky river. • The female asked each male to fill out a questionnaire. • When the S finished, the female gave him a piece of paper with her phone # & invited him to call her. • In contrast to a control group (a solid bridge not far above water), the males in the experimental group were more likely to call the female.

Do males & females differ in how they experience passionate love? • Yes!!! • Men fall more readily in love than women do. • Men fall out of love more slowly & are less likely than women to break-up a premarital romance. • Women focus on emotional content of relationship, men focus more on physical aspects of relationship (Hendrick and Hendrick, 1995).

B. Companionate love • The highs & lows of passionate love wane with time. (The Honeymoon is over!!!!!) • After 2 years of marriage, spouses express affection about half as often as when they were newlyweds. • Companionate love is less intense, but long lasting & satisfying.

IV. Ending Relationships: The Party’s Over U.S.- 50% divorce rate

Who is more likely to divorce? • Those in individualistic cultures • Those marrying for love • Getting married before age 20 • Both grew up in unstable homes • Lack of stable income • Dated a short time before marrying • Are not similarly educated • Live in a big city • Were pregnant before marriage

Attraction & Intimacy