SAFE PLACE

1. SAFE PLACE Creating a Safe Environment

2. Statement of Purpose: • To foster, for all people, healthy, loving relationships in the image of God • To prevent unhealthy, negative, or harmful relationships and boundary violations, especially child abuse.

3. A safe environment • Offers children and adults the opportunity to grow in Catholic faith and experience relationships that promote healthy development of: • Spirituality • Sexuality • Emotional growth • Intellectual growth • Physical growth

4. We establish safe environments for all by: • Cultivating role- and age-appropriate relationships. • Maintaining healthy personal boundaries. • Creating structure to assure adult and youth rights.

5. BOUNDARIES What are Boundaries? A boundary is a personal space that you keep between yourself and others. It defines “where I end and you begin.” Boundaries work in two ways: They allow things in, and they keep things out. Boundaries are important because they define areas of privacy. Initially, parents help you begin setting your boundaries. Later, you take a more active role in setting your boundaries.

6. External Boundaries • Protect your body, keeping it safe and healthy. • Physical—Protect your body. • Sexual—Protect your sexual body parts and your sexuality.

7. Internal Boundaries • Protect your thoughts and emotions. • Emotional—Protect your feelings. • Spiritual—Protect the deepest part of who you are—your sense of hope, trust, mystery, security, and spirituality.

8. The purpose of a relationship determines its boundaries. • Examples of relationships include: • Parent/Child • Brother/Sister • Husband/Wife

9. Anyone charged with the care, education, and protection of a child, youth, or other vulnerable person is acting “in loco parentis.” (Defined by Webster’s Dictionary as, “in the place of a parent, orof a parent’s authority.”) Examples of such relationships include: Teacher/Student Coach/Athlete Youth Minister/Youth Adult Volunteer/Youth

10. Some responsibilities of those acting “in loco parentis” include: Safety Education Guidance Nurturing Consequences Security Final Decision Making

11. Your Boundary Circle YOU

12. It is important for people to know what you stand for. It is equally important that they know what you won’t stand for. Everyone you encounter fits somewhere in your boundary circle. Strangers are the farthest outside, with casual acquaintances next, friends next, good friends and than family closest to you. Where do the various people in your life fit within your Boundary circle? Write their names in the appropriate places.

13. Our world today likes to show everything in grayscale when the truth be known everything is black and white When teens ages 13 to 19 were asked if the liked having structure and boundaries in their lives 79% of them said yes

14. What is Sex Webster's - sex \’seks\ n (ME, fr. L sexus) 1: either of two divisions of organisms distinguished respectively as male or female 2: The sum of structural, functional, and behavioral peculiarities of living beings that serve reproduction by two interacting parents and distinguish males and females 3. a: Sexually motivated phenomena or behavior b: SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

15. Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person, body and soul. • It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others. • The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage. Source: Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition, 1997.

16. The Different types of Child Abuse Physical Abuse Sexual Abuse Emotional Abuse Spiritual abuse

17. Considerations in the definition of child sexual abuse: • Child sexual abuse must be considered in the context of the great discrepancies between victims and offenders in regard to: • Power • Physical- strength and size (real or implicit) of offender compared to the victim. • Emotional - withdrawal of affection and approval from valued adult is “powerful” for child.

18. Other discrepancies include: • Resources - the child is dependent on the adult for food, shelter, education, etc. These resources are controlled by adults. In addition, child may have few alternative “people” resources to get emotional and physical needs met. • Knowledge- adult has knowledge of what sexual activity is, a child does not. Child does not understand the meaning or significance of the act . The adult does.

19. Emotional Grooming • When someone manipulates another’s emotions to skillfully gain control of that person. • Emotional grooming is used to seduce, coerce, or “con” others into sexual activity.

20. Key Elements of the Emotional Grooming Process • False sense of trust—a groomer convinces the victim that s/he is the only person in the world to trust. • Secrecy—groomers persuade their victims to keep “our little secret” hidden from others.

21. Language Cons • Words and phrases – or “lines” – that groomers use to trick and manipulate their targets. • Sometimes lines make a target feel special or desired; other times they make a target feel guilty or threatened. • Lines may seem genuine or sincere at first, but their real purpose is to control the target. • Language cons are used to convince targets to do things they shouldn’t do.

22. The Nine Grooming Tactics • Flattery • Bribery • Status • Jealousy and Possessiveness • Insecurity • Accusations • Intimidation • Anger • Control

23. Flattery • Exaggerated and insincere comments said in order to get something in return. • Is often sexually suggestive or graphic. • Is not the same as a compliment.

24. Bribery • “Giving to get.” • The groomer may give material things to his target, but these “gifts” always have a string attached. • The target may believe that some sort of sexual behavior is due to “pay back” the groomer for the gifts.

25. Status • The groomer uses what s/he has (possessions) or who s/he is (image, popularity, or position) to lure a target into a sexual relationship. • The target may like hanging around with the popular crowd and be convinced that sexual activity is “owed” in return.

26. Other Forms of Status: • Groomer uses his/her age to lure a younger target. • Younger targets seek status by pursuing friendships with someone several years older. • Some people think sexual activity will give them status.

27. Jealousy and Possessiveness • A normal yet difficult human emotion. • Only a grooming tactic when used to control or manipulate someone else. • Examples of manipulative jealousy: • Telling someone how to dress, who to talk to, where to go, etc. • Treating someone as an object to own rather than a person to relate to.

28. Insecurity • A normal human emotion. • It’s a grooming tactic only when it’s used to manipulate someone else. • The groomer uses insecurity to manipulate: • May act insecure and ask for reassurance of the target’s love and loyalty. • May want pity and sympathy. • May threaten self-harm.

29. The other misuse of insecurity: • When the groomer attempts to magnify the target’s insecurities or create new insecurities. • The groomer hopes the target will feel so bad that s/he will stay in a relationship with the groomer and become more reluctant to open up to others.

30. Accusations • The groomer creates false or exaggerated accusations to frighten, threaten, and ultimately control the target. • Frequently made in public places to humiliate or intimidate others.

31. Intimidation—a powerful form of manipulation • Is not a normal human emotion and has no place in healthy relationships. • The groomer intimidates by frightening, coercing, or threatening others into submission. • Can be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of both. • Is always wrong and always manipulative.

32. Examples of verbal intimidation: • The groomer may: • Use vulgar sexual language in front of the target. • Make sexual noises or sounds. • Use specific, graphic sexual descriptions of what the groomer want to do to the target. • Ask questions that are too personal or sexual in nature. ?????

33. Intimidating Physical Actions • Looming over someone who is seated. • Standing too close. • Touching/grabbing self or others. • Using loud and controlling voice tones and language. • Staring at sexual body parts. • Hitting the palm of the hand forcefully. • Clothing that is too tight or too revealing. • Faking a punch. • Intimidating stances: • Slouching over, holding their hands on their crotches, howling, whistling making catcalls.

34. Anger • Anger is a normal human emotion. • It is only a grooming tactic when used to manipulate others.

35. Control • The ultimate goal of an emotional groomer is to gain control of the target and of the relationship. • The groomer seeks to gain power or dominance in the relationship by using any or all of the grooming tactics.

36. Code of conduct for youth Within the diocese of St. Petersburg, Florida

37. The first premise of this code is that children and youth function best behaviors and expectations are clearly defined. It is accepted that parents are the first and foremost educators of their children in all aspects of their development. This experience aims at developing upright citizens and good Christians, following a new commandment Jesus gave His disciples,”A new commandment I give unto you that you love one another.” John 13:34-35 In Timothy 4:12 we read “Let no one have contempt for your youth, but set an example for those who believe, in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity.”

38. Timothy is urged to rely on the gifts he has received from God. This code urges our children and youth to rely on God’s gift to them, especially charity, chastity, and purity. This calls the young person to acknowledge and promote one’s personal dignity and the rights that go with it. It becomes important for children and youth to know the difference between “right” and “not right” relationships. “Right” relationships foster personal, spiritual, and emotional growth,e.g., the ability to communicate, to forgive, to show affection, to be honest, vulnerable, dependable, etc. “Not right” relationships become harmful and hurtful, and even abusive.

39. Abuse occurs when someone does not respect another’s boundaries, uses power, ticks, threats, or violence to cross or change another’s boundaries, or inflicts hurtful or unwanted behavior (physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual) on another person. • This Code is used in conjunction with existing local or diocesan policies, protocols or other codes and is not intended to supercede them. • When engaging in formal and informal activities, functions, and programs, children and youth are expected to behave appropriately At all times, respecting the rights of others

40. Code of conduct • for children and youth • Christian behavior is • Expected at all times • 2. Respect for individuals, • the community and facilities being • used is required

41. 3. Cooperation and self-control are necessary when participating In programs and activities. 4. Dress must be in accord with the activity and appropriate for a Christian environment ( Strike Zone) cover it!

42. 5. Unacceptable behavior • and lack of cooperation will not be • tolerated, but will be • addressed appropriately. • Examples of unacceptable behavior • are as follows, though not limited to: • Disrespect for adults and peers • Use of vulgar language or gesture, • use of racial slurs.

43. c. Damaging of property d. Fighting or intent to injure others e. Constant disturbance of others at work or in an activity f. cheating

44. 6. Possession of weapons, possession, sale or use of alcohol or drugs are forbidden 7. No child or youth has the right to treat another in any manner that Will cause physical or emotional pain, Therefore harassment of any kind is Un-Christian and unacceptable

45. 8. Coercion or threats to do Something physically hurtful or for the purpose of exposing someone or something about another is Unacceptable behavior 9a. Chastity is a virtue to be held in High esteem and promoted in practice. Sexual abuse of any sort, coercing A person to engage in sexual acts Against her or his will, physically Touching the sexual parts of another’s body, treating a person like a sexual object are unacceptable and Abusive behaviors.

46. 9b. Consensual sex Between students or initiated by minors to adults must never occur

47. The “Three Rs” of Youth Protection Adults should teach youth how to: • Recognize situations that place him or her at risk of being molested, how child molesters operate, and that anyone could be a molester. • Resist unwanted and inappropriate attention. Resistance will stop most attempts at molestation. • Report attempted or actual molestation to a parent or other trusted adult. This prevents further abuse and helps protect other children. Let the child know that he or she will not be blamed for what occurred. Source: Youth Protection Guidelines, from The Boy Scouts of America

48. Suggestions for parents • Sexual assault of children is much more common than most of us realize. It may be preventable if children have good preparation. To provide protection and preparation as parents, we can: • Pay careful attention to who is around our children. (Unwanted touch may come from someone we like and trust.) • Back up a child’s right to say “No.” • Encourage communication by taking seriously what our children say. • Take a second look at signals of potential danger. • Refuse to leave our children in the company of those we do not trust. • Include information about sexual assault when teaching about safety. • Provide specific definitions and examples of sexual assault. NO ! !

49. More Suggestions for Parents • Remind children that even “nice” people sometimes do mean things. • Urge children to tell us about anybody who causes them to be uncomfortable. • Prepare children to deal with bribes and threats, as well as possible physical force. • Virtually eliminate secrets between us and our children. • Teach children how to say “No,” ask for help, and control who touches them and how. • Model self-protective and limit-setting behavior for our children.

50. 24 Hour HotlineNumber: • Girls and Boys Town National Hotline 1-800-448-3000 • Call your local Child Protection Agency 1-800-96ABUSE (800-962-2873)