Welcome

1. Welcome Ever since happiness heard your name,he has been running through the streettrying to find you.In fact, god himself came to my door,so sweetly asking for your address – wanting the warmth of your hearts fire.-Hafiz

2. About you… • What brings you here? • What are you most wanting from this program?

3. Day 1 • Absence of you and Coaching • What does “absence of you” mean? • Core Dynamics of Common Problems (overview) • Philosophy and Illusions • Dynamics 1 – 6 (out of 12) • Practice Identifying Operating Dynamics

4. Day 2 • Absence of you and Masterful Coaching • Dynamics 7 – 12 (out of 12) • More Practice Identifying Operating Dynamics • Coaching techniques for resolving Core Dynamics • Completion conversation

5. Coaching and Absence of You • Coaching = Helping an individual (or team) produce a desired result by co-creating solutions and awareness • Great People Make Great Coaches • Greatness = a state of being easily experienced when common illusions are absent • Absence of you = absence of common illusions

6. Coaching Continued • Adding things: concepts, solutions, clarity, accountability • Removing things (absence of…): limiting beliefs, assumptions, environmental blocks, conflicting intentions

7. Hi-End Coaching… • Understands the predictable nature of situations, people • Responds to the underlying dynamic • If you don't recognize what's really going on, you'll be coaching symptoms or on the surface • Answers the question: What is REALLY going on here?

8. Conflicting Intensions • Emotionally healthy, well-functioning individuals carry out their intentions unless there is a dynamic that conflicts with the stated desire. • This is an extremely common situation and a natural part of the coaching conversation. • In this program we will show you how to listen for and resolve these dynamics with your clients (and yourself)

9. The Physics of Self-Sabotage Energy of the Conflicting Intention - “bug” Optimal Energy of Our Intention Resulting Energy of Our Intention

10. Absence Of You Getting the sense of yourself from the essential nature of what you areand not from anything other than that.

11. Common notions… about the state of Absence Of? • This kind of experience is only for saints and monks—not for us ordinary types! • It takes lifetimes of meditation and austerities • Resignation and Cynicism • Our “notions” of what we think would be living in a state of Absence Of • The expectation that Absence of State is going to be “flashy” • Thinking we’re there—thoughts of it are NOT it • Being so attached to the process of getting to it that we never arrive

12. Why live in a state of Absence Of? • Always trust and act on your intuition • Freedom from the past and future • Total presence – living in the moment • Free of judgments • Freed from the grip of emotion • Capacity to feel anything and everything • Complete self-sufficiency/independence

13. The state of absence of… Discussion: What would it be like to live (and coach) from this place?

14. The Core Dynamics of Common Problems • The Core Dynamics = the language of problems • Core = The central or innermost part • Dynamic = of or relating to energy • Provide language for uncovering conflicting intentions.

16. Demonstration • Share a “problem” and we’ll find the dynamics at play

17. Practice • Triad: Share a “problem” and find the dynamics at play

18. The Dynamic Lunch • Lunch break assignment: have lunch in a group of 3 or 4. Continue to talk about the “problems” in your life and practice identifying the dynamics at play

19. Problems and suffering in human life occur when we lose the sense of being whole. Welcome Back Each fundamental way in which the sense of being whole is lost leads to an illusion of separateness

21. The Illusions of separateness • Not using the Process of Knowing (feeling) fully • Being overly identified with the objects of perception • Being overly identified with the sense of “I” as an individual ego

22. Behaviors – not feeling fully • *Addictions • Avoiding possible painful consequences of one’s actions • Habitually projecting possible negative outcomes onto the future • Worry • *Anxiety • Fearing things that don’t exist • *Depression • Not trusting and acting on your intuition • Being judgmental • Getting absorbed in the past or future • Becoming lost to the grip of emotion * Diagnosed behaviors must be handled by a licensed therapist

23. Behaviors – overly identified with objects • Getting your sense of who or what you are from anything other than your own pure essential nature • Becoming overly attached to people, things, places, situations, etc. • Neediness • Clinginess • Dependence • Obsessive thinking • Longing for … • Fear of change • Fear of loss • Fear of being alone • Fear of abandonment • Fear of not being seen/heard • Insecurity • Over ambition

24. Behaviors – overly identified with ego • The habit of trying to force an outcome • Selfishness • Trying to figure things out • Over-relying on our intellect • Creating expectations of having it “my way” • Becoming frustrated when things don’t happen the way we think that they should • Being overwhelmed by positive things and overly disappointed by negative things

25. Core Dynamics Details • We call these illusions the “core dynamics of common problems” • They are based on conditioning and become our default “operating system” • They are always at conflict with what we truly desire • Next we will work with each of the 12 in detail.

27. 1) Resisting Feeling Things Fully Staying away from situations in order avoid feeling a particular way. • Based on experiences of being overwhelmed by intense feelings when we were particularly vulnerable or delicate • In an attempt to avoid the experience of such intense overwhelming feelings, we make an inner decision to resist feeling things fully. • We as if blame the process of feeling things for the experience of being overwhelmed. • This dynamic is characterized by any activity that involves the avoidance of feeling things fully. • This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you feel it fully, you will be destroyed.

28. 1) Resisting Feeling Things Fully When this dynamic is absent you feel: I feel anything and everything without the fear of being overwhelmed. • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice

29. 2) Ignoring your intuition Denying your inner knowing in order to avoid possibly painful consequences in the short term. • Caused by being punished for acting on your inner knowing/intuition • We were overwhelmed by the punishment • This is the parental game called “Let control the kids through emotional manipulation.” • This dynamic is about avoidance of negative or painful consequences of acting on your intuition. It is a compensation for not feel fully. • This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you act on your intuition that you won’t be able to face the consequences.

30. All people are offered help by their Intuition, but most pick themselves up and escape as fast as possible! Winston Churchill

31. 2) Ignoring Your Intuition When this dynamic is absent you feel: I completely trust my intuition and I always act on it • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice

32. 3) Being Judgmental To avoid dealing with your own issues • We judge something in order to create an illusion of separateness from it, in order to distance ourselves from it. • There is something that is a part of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge and embrace. • If there was no charge inside of us about it then we would be neutral. • By creating the illusion of separateness through judging people, things or even parts of ourselves, we break down the experience of Wholeness and create an illusion that we are isolated and separate from the rest of the world. • This dynamic is based on the habit of avoiding the issues that we really need to address and resolve within ourselves and the illusion that we can’t.

33. 3) Being Judgmental When this dynamic is absent you feel: Everything I experience is a part of me. I acknowledge it, embrace it and value from it. • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice

34. 4) Avoiding the present Getting lost in stories of the past or future • When this dynamic is present we tend to get lost to the stories that we make up about our experiences. • The experiences are intrinsically meaningless. • Often we can become so absorbed in or identified with our stories that we begin to feel that they are real. We live inside them. • We make ourselves the victims not of what happened to us but to the stories that we become dedicated to about the events. • This dynamic is based on the habit of avoidingbeing present and the illusion or fear that being present will be difficult.

35. 4) Avoiding the present Expressions of this Dynamic: • Getting lost to the grip of emotion • Getting absorbed in stories about the past and/or future • Projecting possible negative outcomes on to the future • Getting lost to addictive behaviors • Having a database of unresolved emotions When this dynamic is absent you feel: • I experience emotions fully but without getting lost to them • I live in the wonder and delight of uncertainty • I easily face and fully feel anything from the past

36. Feeling into the most intense part of the energy of the feeling

37. 4) Avoiding the present When this dynamic is absent you feel: I live completely in the present moment. • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice

38. Welcome Back I am happy even before I have a reason.I am full of light even beforethe sun or moon can reach the sky.My dear companions,we have been in love with godfor so very, very long.What can we now do butforever dance.-Hafiz

39. Day 2 • Absence of you and Masterful Coaching • Dynamics 5 – 12 • More Practice Identifying Operating Dynamics • Coaching techniques for resolving Core Dynamics • Completion conversation

40. Masterful Coaching • Beginning coaches solve problems • Intermediate coaches look for the source of the problem and collaborate to solve it.

41. Masterful Coaching Masterful coaches CAUSE problems! And then respond to the occurring dynamic

42. Masterful Coaching Discussion: How does “Absence of You” lead to masterful coaching?

43. 5) Looking for yourself where you are not Seeking validation from accomplishments. - Seeking the approval of others. - Defining yourself through things or roles. • Subject – Object – Process of Experiencing • We live inside it without realizing that it permeates our every experience. • This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are incomplete and need something from outside yourself to be whole.

44. 5) Looking for yourself where you are not When this dynamic is absent you feel: I am whole and complete. • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice

45. 6) Mistaking Need for Love Confusing the feeling of getting a need fulfilled with the feeling of love. • Attachment, Identification and Need are “marketed” to us under the false label of “Love”. • Love is pure giving without any need to take or receive anything. • Unconditional love is the only thing that truly is Love, everything else is based on need. • This dynamic is based on the illusion that love is something that you get from others / outside of yourself.

46. 6) Mistaking Need for Love When this dynamic is absent you feel: I love without needing anything in return and I participate in relationships of mutual giving. • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice

47. 7) Resisting Change Looking for something constant in the world around you in order to feel secure • The world is constantly changing • We long to have a non-changing basis to our lives • We tend to look for the non-changing in the world of change and we want to keep things the same • This dynamic is based on the illusion that stability and security can be found in the changing world around us.

48. 7) Resisting Change When this dynamic is absent you feel: I have a deep inner sense of equanimity. I live in the delight and wonder of uncertainty. • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice

49. 8) Limiting Self Expression Holding yourself back out of the fear of losing the approval of someone or some group. • When we express ourselves powerfully, some people aren’t going to like it • This is because it make them uncomfortable that they are not being fully self expressed • In order to not hold ourselves back we need to be so secure in love for ourselves that we don’t need it from others • This dynamic is based on the illusion that it is lonely at the top

50. 8) Limiting Self Expression When this dynamic is absent you feel: I can be fully self expressed without fearing the loss of love from others • Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic? • Demonstration • Practice