Some Points on American Culture

1. Some Points on American Culture Dr. M. Connor

2. How is America seen? • “America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room.  Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.”  Arnold Toynbee • “America is a mistake, a giant mistake!”  Sigmund Freud

3. National characteristics • Probably the most common trait Americans share is a belief in the power of dreaming and then doing. • It’s no wonder that Martin Luther King, Jr’s ”I Have a Dream” speech is still quoted and cited, even in non-racial situations. • Overall, this makes the US a country of optimists.

4. Visualization • Kids are told early on that they need to have a dream, a goal. • If they work at it, they can achieve it. • Is this true? No, but it’s truer in America than in many other places. • Take me, for example. I’m the daughter of a high school drop-out, a construction worker who died when I was 12. I’m the first Connor to graduate college. Now I’m a PhD. The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work. - Oprah Winfrey

5. Hard work • Many American idioms and proverbs reflect the need to work hard. • Strike while the iron is hot (move/act quickly) • Actions speak louder than words. • God helps those who help themselves. • If at first you don’t suceed, try, try again. • Make hay while the sun shines (work hard when the opportunity is there) • Nothing suceeds like sucess. • Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

6. Self-reliance • Americans can achieve, but they do it themselves. • This doesn’t mean alone, but they don’t rely on the government to help them or family connections (both do help in reality, but again, not as often as in many other countries). • If you want to look at the cultural basis of this, see the American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay ”Self Reliance” (1841) at http://bellsouthpwp.net/k/e/kerjsmit/self_reliance/self_rel.htm

7. Individualism • Americans are taught that the individual is important. • BUT, your rights only extend to the tip of your nose. • In other words, you can’t infringe upon the rights of others. • And the group is never excluded in calculations, because in groups, we build strength.

8. American Friendliness • Much is made of how friendly Americans are. • This stems from the belief that ”all men are created equal”. • This is the theory. • Of course, there is a difference between the theory and the reality, but one difference I find between America and other places is that Americans readily admit there’s a problem with things like racism and sexism and many people try to find solutions.

9. Friendly ≠ Friend • Some foreigners view Americans as hypocritical because friendliness does not translate to friendship. • For Americans, friendliness is considered common good manners, the oil that keeps society from squeaking.

10. Need for ”social oil” • In a country of 250 million plus, we’re crowded! • Just like Taiwan, we need to have conventions that keep things ”civilized”.

11. Layers of friendship • As in Taiwanese relationships, Americans have layers of friendship. • What follows are some examples.

12. Acquaintance • Someone we know to chat with. • Examples may be someone who works in the same place but in a different department, or the relative of a friend with whom we may occasionally socialize. • Neighbors can fall into this category.

13. Work Friend/School Friend • Someone with whom we work or go to school, and with whom we socialize through work or class, but communication is not very intimate. • These may be the people we eat lunch with and sometimes we do things together after work or class—sports teams are popular or perhaps just going out for a Friday night drink.

14. Close/Good Friend • These are people with whom we are more intimate. • There are shared confidences. • How people move from acquaintance or work or school friend to close friend is almost like alchemy. It moves in phases. • Most Americans distrust instant intimacy, though, and believe that relationships can not be forced.

15. Best Friends • Most Americans have a very small circle of ”best friends” who are considered ”family” and enjoy all the privileges and all the responsibilities of that position. • There’s a joke among American women that you can tell the level of intimacy you have with someone based on the amount of housecleaning you do before he or she comes to visit!

16. More on friendliness • ”Americans are friendly and casual with strangers and new acquaintances; they readily welcome and are willing to help newcomers. This does not mean an automatic commitment to friendship. In the U.S., people enjoy doing things together and exchanging ideas that may lead to friendship.” • Ohio State University’s page for incoming foreign students.

17. Appropriate questions • One way to start conversation with strangers in America is through questions. • It’s perfectly okay to ask if someone is married or if they have children (in social settings), but it is not considered polite to ask why or why not. • Good conversational gambits are travel, someone’s work, books or film. • Current events are okay, but some Americans are raised that it’s bad manners to discuss politics or religion as these topics can lead to disagreements.

18. Manners • Compared to many countries, America has a very informal style with few taboos. • In America, there’s something called ”The Golden Rule” (based on Christian precepts): Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. • In other words, treat people as you’d like to be treated. If you follow this, you usually can’t go far wrong.

19. What’s in a name? • Most Americans will invite you to call them by their first name, especially your peers and younger folks. • BUT, most Americans appreciate the opportunity of granting that familiarity. Until told otherwise, it’s always good manners to call someone by their honorific and surname: • Dr. Connor • Ms. Jones • Mr. Smith

20. Children • Children are always addressed by their first names. • If you are not comfortable being called by your first name by a child, it’s okay to say so. • Many Americans are now falling into the practice of allowing children to call adults by their first names, but almost all Americans will respect your wishes in the matter. • Sometimes with their parents’ close friends, children will use the honorifics ”aunt” and ”uncle” even though there is no blood relationship.

21. Time is not relative! • A very famous American adage is ”Time is Money!” • It’s not to be wasted. It’s to be saved and used wisely. • For the most part, Americans are prompt people and don’t like to be kept waiting. • In a business setting, this means not ”wasting” a lot of time on idle ”chit chat,” something at odds with Taiwanese norms.

22. Problem alert • When I lived and taught in Taiwan, this was often a problem. • Studies have shown that New Yorkers are some of the most time-conscious people in America!

23. Sources • Aiken, Jennifer. “Interpersonal Communication.” Communication differences in the same culture group • http://www.intractableconflict.org/m/interpersonal_communication.jsp

24. From Aiken • “Men and women, in particular, are thought to have different styles. Linguist Deborah Tannen notes that, for women, "talk creates intimacy... [b]ut men live in a hierarchical world, where talk maintains independence and status."[1] Her research has also shown that, when speaking, women tend to face each other and look each other in the eye, while men prefer to sit at angles and look elsewhere in the room. Women also express more agreement and sympathy with one another's problems, while men will dismiss each other's problems. Both sets of responses are meant to reassure, but do not have that effect when used with the opposite gender. For example, women often become angry if a man dismisses their problem.”

25. Sources • New International Student Orientation: Understanding Americans,Utah State University • http://www.usu.edu/iss/undameri.html • Gene Griessman, The Americans: Who Are They, And How Did They Get This Way?  • http://www.achievementdigest.com/article-americans-achievement.html