Breaking the Silence Communicating with your adolescent child

1. Breaking the Silence Communicating with your adolescent child A Parenting Workshop Presented by Matt LeSuer

2. Opening Activity • Whisper Down The Lane • Each group member will pass along the message that their group mate gives them • The goal is to produce the same message at the end of the line that was given at the outset of the activity • Why was it so hard to remember the message? • What were the barriers to communication? • What would have helped?

3. Communicating With Your Adolescent • What are some reasons for broken communication or lack of communication in families today? • Examples of Barriers • Peers • Use of Technology • Texting is the most preferred method of contact for adolescents • Family Makeup • Divorce rate • First Marriage- 41% • Second Marriage- 60% • Third Marriage- 73% • Issues of time and busyness • Lack understanding in how to effectively communicate • More than words

4. Communicating With Your Adolescent • The Facts • Positive relationships with parents/guardians leads to positive relationships with peers • In the adolescent years, parents continue to be the most influential factor in a teenager’s life • Politics • Religion • General Beliefs • The more families support their children’s learning and education process, the more their children tend to do well in school and continue their education (systems)

5. Communicating With Your Adolescent • Parenting With PURPOSE • Parenting with the end in mind • Treading water or swimming? • Parenting goals • Don’t get so focused on the big (outward) adolescent issues, that you forget their hearts and minds • Example- Icebergs and teens • 90% of an icebergs mass is below the water surface • There is more to your teens life than what you see • And there is more to communication than just words

6. Communicating With Your Adolescent • 7 Tips to Parenting With PURPOSE • PURPOSE • Positive Regard • Make it a goal to point out your teenager’s positive attributes and characteristics • Having caring and supportive relationships with family members is the most important ingredient for a good life in adolescence • Are you making it a point to support your adolescent child?

7. Communicating With Your Adolescent • 7 Tips to Parenting With PURPOSE • PURPOSE • Undivided Attention While Listening • Practice Active Listening • Listen • Understand • Interpret • Evaluate • What would be some physical signs of active listening?

8. Communicating With Your Adolescent • 7 Tips to Parenting With PURPOSE • PURPOSE • Responsibility • Adolescents who can talk openly with mom or dad and receive support and freedom to make decisions, are less likely to succumb to peer pressure • Make the role transition from dictator to democracy • Remember- What is in the best interest of the adolescent?

9. Communicating With Your Adolescent • 7 Tips to Parenting With PURPOSE • PURPOSE • Prioritize Time Together • Satisfying Family Life • Family Cohesion & Positive Social Interactions • Time is key to effective relationships • What tends to happen when time together is not kept sacred?

10. Communicating With Your Adolescent • 7 Tips to Parenting With PURPOSE • PURPOSE • One-On-One Time • Give your child Identity • Let them know that they are not just another one of your kids • Take them to a place they want to go; where they feel comfortable • Love them in their environment, as they are

11. Communicating With Your Adolescent • 7 Tips to Parenting With PURPOSE • PURPOSE • Surround Your Teen With Other Caring Adults/Mentors • Strong relationships with non-parental adults plays a huge part in positive adolescent development • Family Arrangements- 70%- Two Parent; 26%- One Parent

12. Communicating With Your Adolescent • 7 Tips to Parenting With PURPOSE • PURPOSE • Eat Together • Protect the sacred time spent around the dinner table • Study of juniors & seniors • 31.9% of respondents had eaten fewer than 2 meals in a week’s time with their family • Watching television • It’s a TIME issue

13. Communicating With Your Adolescent • Redefining The Parenting Roles • One-Dimensional Approach • Parent/Guardian uses the same approach in every environment • Multiple Role Approach • Teacher- Establish core values & beliefs • Friend- Interpret life circumstances (everyday life) • Counselor- Intimate conversation that get at the heart of your teen • Coach- Giving encouragement and instilling value & purpose for

14. Communicating With Your Adolescent • Examples of Multiple Role Approach • Interaction with son the morning before he heads off to take the SAT’s • Daughter, who is broken-hearted, comes home past curfew with news that her best friend just died in a car accident • Helping your son understand the reasons for his faith • Taking your daughter to the park to play basketball TEACHER FRIEND COACH COUNSELOR

15. Communicating With Your Adolescent • Less Is More- PURPOSE • What are 2 or 3 tools from the PURPOSE acrostic that you can take home and implement into your family system? • Do not try all 7 at once • Create Rhythm in your family

16. Communicating With Your Adolescent References Ackard, D., Moe, J., Neumark-Sztainer, D., Perry, C., & Story, M. (2000). Family meals among adolescents: Findings from a pilot study. Journal of Nutrition Education, 32(6), 335-340. Retrieved from ProQuest database. American’s children: Key national indicators of well-being. (2009) Retrieved from http://www.childstats.gov/americaschildren/fam_fig.asp Bateman, H.V. (No Date). Adolescent Peer Culture: Parents’ Role. Education Encyclopedia. Retrieved from www.answers.com/topic/adolescent-peer-culture-parents-role. Bradbury, T., Campos, B., Graesch, A.P., Ochs, E. & Repetti, R. (2009). Opportunity for interaction? A naturalistic observation study of dual-earner families after work and school. Journal of Family Psychology, 23(6), 798-807. Retrieved from PsycARTICLES. Bronk, K.C. (2008). Early adolescents’ conceptions of the good life and the good person. Adolescence, 43.(132), 713-732. Retrieved from Education Research Complete. De Guzman, M. R. T. (2007). Friendships, peer influence, and peer pressure during teen years. Neb Guide: University of Nebraska Lincoln. Retrieved from www.ianrpubs.unl.edu/epublic/live/g1751/build/g1751.pdf. Divorce Rate. Enrichment Journal. Retrieved from http://www.divorcerate.org/. Henderson, A.T. & Mapp, K.L. (2002). A new wave of evidence: The impact of school, family, and community connections on student achievement. Southwest Educational Development Laboratory. Retrieved from www.sedl.org/connections/resources/evidence.pdf Involving Parents to Impact Student Achievement. (2007). All Your Parents. Retrieved from http://literacynetwork.verizon.org/fileadmin/popups/parent_involvement.html. Joiner, R.(2010). The orange leader handbook: A think orange companion. Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook. Leggatt, H. (2010, April 21). Pew: Texting preferred comms channel for teens. Biz Report. Retrieved from www.bizreport.com/2010/04/pew_texting_preferred_comms_channel_for_teens.html#. Maisel, E. (2000). 20 communication tips for families. Novato, CA: New World Library. Spencer, R. (2006). Understanding the mentoring process between adolescents and adults. Youth Society, 37, 287-315. Retrieved from Education Research Complete.