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The Wounded Leader. How Real Leadership Emerges in Times of Crisis. Strengthening the Heartbeat January 9-11, 2008 Calvin College, Prince Center, Grand Rapids, MI James A. DeKorne, VP of School Services Christian Schools International. Basic Questions.
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The Wounded Leader How Real Leadership Emerges in Times of Crisis Strengthening the Heartbeat January 9-11, 2008 Calvin College, Prince Center, Grand Rapids, MI James A. DeKorne, VP of School Services Christian Schools International
Basic Questions • Q1: How does a reasonable, well-intentioned person, who happens to be a school leader, preserve a healthy sense of self in the face of factors that challenge that self?
Basic Questions • Q2: What perspective on the work of leadership can shed light on these challenges and produce a mind-set that leaves the individual open to learn and grow from these experiences?
Early Advice “Never trust anyone without a limp.”
Premise of Our Work • The scope of wounding is universal • Everyone experiences it • The result of wounding is powerful • For good or for ill • The details of wounding remain very personal • Even when many details are public, the wound itself is private • One context for wound-healing and sense-making is story-telling • Being able to talk with trusted colleagues begins the healing process
Book Definitions Quest Restitution Crisis You Chaos
Book Outline Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders)
The Fertile Soil • Isolation • Need for control • Other-centeredness – responding to others’ needs • Public exposure • Conformity to others’ expectations – difficult to be fully you • Subverted power – powerlessness • Fear • Issues are unacknowledged and hidden
Book Outline Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound) Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders)
What Hurts? • Core value dissonance • Thwarted deepest desires and goals • Unanswered prayer • Differing agendas • Public misunderstanding
Book Outline Responses (How to survive, thrive, and grow) Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound) Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders)
Responses • Acknowledgment • Honesty • Pay attention to unattended areas • Thank God for your wounds • Invite others into your world • “The wound is not the crisis, it is how you respond to it”
Book Outline Responses (How to survive, thrive, and grow) Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound) Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders) Ministry (How to help others)
Pathologies that Prevent Ministry • Denial of your own woundedness • Dumping on others • Directing all energies to eliminate pain • Displaying woundedness as a badge • “Wounds are pathways to become what you are capable of; they are not ends in themselves.”
Ministry • What to do if you meet a wounded leader crossing the road: • Don’t ask, “Why did you cross the road?” • Ask: “What is happening now?” • Stay in touch with your own fear – it may soon be you. • Ask: “How do you feel about it?” • Don’t push the person in a direction you might choose yourself. • Ask: “What do you want to do about it?” • Use your own wounds to develop understanding and compassion. • Laugh at fearful things together. • Just listen. • Bring them to Jesus.
Book Outline Responses (How to survive, thrive, and grow) Descriptions (Anatomy of a Wound) Conditions (Susceptibility of School Leaders) Ministry (How to help others)
Biblical Examples • Peter • “I don’t know the man!” x 3 • “Do you love me?” x 3 • Paul • “Persecution zeal” award • Sent to live with other believers
Paul’s Words to You To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh [i.e. a wound], a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, [my wounds] so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Our Task • Group Discussion • Only reveal what you feel comfortable saying • No need to impress anyone • Focus on what others can learn • Goals • Tell your story • Develop capacity to hear other stories
Questions to Guide Us • Describe a time when you have been wounded. • Did anything good come from it? • Would you want to repeat the experience? Why or why not? • Have you implemented any strategies to prevent wounding? Is that a good thing?
Questions to Guide Us • In the ‘quest’, wounding is the only way to achieve what needs to be achieved. • Can you name a wounding experience that you can look back on with gratefulness?