Kenn Nesbitt Poems

1. KennNesbitt Poems Presented by Mrs. Vermeil’s 2nd grade class Woodfill Elementary 2010

2. Bubble Wrap, Bubble Wrap Bubble wrap, bubble wrap, pop, pop, pop. Wrapped around my bottom. Wrapped around my top. I'm double-wrapped in bubble wrap It's covering my clothes. It's wrapped around my fingers. It's wrapped around my toes. I've wrapped myself in bubble wrap exactly as I'd planned. But now I'm tied so tightly, I can barely even stand. I'm having trouble walking. I can hardly even hop. I guess I'll have to roll today. Pop, pop, pop. --Kenn Nesbitt (based on an idea by Donna Lee Murphy)

3. Snake Mistake One morning in my bedroom I was startled by a snake, so I picked him up and took him out and threw him in the lake. He returned a minute later, meaning, no, he didn't drown, so I put him on my bicycle and rode him out of town. It was hardly half an hour till he turned up in my room, so I packed him in a parcel and I shipped him to Khartoum. When I found him back again on the succeeding afternoon I went looking for a way that I could blast him to the moon. When I couldn't find a rocket it was then I knew that, dang, a snake is yours forever once he eats your boomerang. --Kenn Nesbitt

4. A Pug is a Dog A pug is a dog with a curlicue tail. He eats like a hog and he snores like a whale. He's flat in the snout and his belly is big. The pug came about just by misspelling pig. --Kenn Nesbitt

5. My Frog Has Got a Steering Wheel My frog has got a steering wheel, a radio, a door, a hefty V-8 engine and a stick shift on the floor. My frog is a convertible with comfy leather seats. I drive my frog to go to work or cruise around the streets. But now my frog is missing. Though parked it on the road, I didn't plug the meter and it must have gotten toad. --Kenn Nesbitt

6. I’m Building a Rocket I'm building a rocket. As soon as I'm done I'm taking my friends on a trip to the sun. But what to you mean that the sun is too hot? Oh well, I suppose I'll just pick a new spot. I'm building a rocket. I'm finishing soon and taking my friends on a trip to the moon! But what do you mean that the moon has no air? Well dang, then I guess that we can't go up there. I'm building a rocket. It's going to fly. I'm taking my friends way up high in the sky. But what do you mean when you ask how we'll land? This rocket is harder to build than I planned. To heck with the rocket. It's out in the shed. I'm taking my friends out for pizza instead. • --Kenn Nesbitt

7. The Werewolf’s Undergarment Store If you should need a t-shirt or perhaps a pair of socks, the Werewolf has you covered, for it's stockings that he stocks. His shop has briefs and boxer shorts, brassieres and BVDs, suspenders, slips, and other undergarments such as these. He'll find you flannel long johns, which he stocks in "his" and "hers." And, yes, he does have diapers for his baby customers. No matter if it's undershirts or tights you're looking for, the underwear is over at The Underwearwolf Store.

8. When Pigs Fly I've heard it said that pigs will fly and someday soon they'll rule the sky. That may sound strange but, if it's right, I don't suppose they'll fly a kite. I'll bet, instead, they'll have to train so they can learn to fly a plane, or join the Navy where they'll get to learn to fly a fighter jet. Or maybe they'll grow piggy wings, or put on shoes with giant springs, or fly in huge hot-air balloons, or seaplanes with those big pontoons, or biplanes like a flying ace, or shuttles into outer space, or rocket ships for trips to Mars, or flying saucers to the stars. However pigs decide to fly, as long as they are way up high and busy buzzing all around instead of grunting on the ground, I think it's safe to say I'll love to see them soaring up above. I'm sure I won't be shocked or shaken. Still, I'll prob'ly miss the bacon. --Kenn Nesbitt

9. Polar Bowling It used to be that polar bears went bowling, just for grins, with snowballs for their bowling balls and penguins as the pins. The bears would have a blast with all the snowballs that they threw. The penguins weren't as happy; that's the only time they flew. So penguins all moved south and now they're at the other pole. Well, wouldn't you move far away if bears used you to bowl? --Kenn Nesbitt

10. Things You Don’t Need to Know Don't test a rattlesnake's rattle. Don't count the teeth of a shark. Don't stick your head in the mouth of a bulldog to find out what's making him bark. Don't count the stripes on a tiger. Don't squeeze an elephant's trunk. Don't pet the scales of a boa constrictor and don't lift the tail of a skunk. Don't study spots on a leopard. Don't check the charge of an eel. Don't pull the claws on a grizzly bear's paws regardless of how brave you feel. Don't pull a porcupine's whiskers. Don't touch a crocodile's toe. Learn all you like, but try not to forget: there are some things you don't need to know. --Kenn Nesbitt

11. Samantha Cinderella Scott Samantha Cinderella Scott was told she'd have to have a shot The doctor said, "You're somewhat sick; I think a shot should do the trick." He said, "You shouldn't feel a thing, except perhaps a tiny sting, a painless prick, a poke, a pinch. It shouldn't even make you flinch. "You won't begin to bleat or bawl. I doubt that it will hurt at all. I don't expect to see it bruise or swell your arm and start to ooze. "There's little chance of belly aches or fevers, chills or sudden shakes. It's not supposed to cause a cough. Your arm will likely not fall off. "I'm guessing that there won't be lots of itchy red and purple spots. Convulsions, too, are fairly rare. I think you'll get to keep your hair. "In fact, the chance is nearly nil that you'll become intensely ill, or grow a ghastly greenish hue, or turn into a kangaroo. "It's nearly certain that you'll not become a fish or flowerpot. I'm quite convinced it's fair to say you won't turn into mush today. "But if you start to shake and cough or if your head should tumble off, if you become a moose or mule you'll get a day away from school." Samantha Cinderella Scott took just a moment, deep in thought, then yawned the slightest little yawn, and told the doctor "Bring it on!" --Kenn Nesbitt

12. Halloween is Nearly Here Halloween is nearly here. I've got my costume planned. It's sure to be the most horrific outfit in the land. If you should see me coming you may scream and hide your head. My get-up will, I guarantee, fill every heart with dread. My costume may cause nightmares. Yes, my mask may stop your heart. You might just shriek and wet yourself, then squeemishly depart. And yet, I won't be dressing as you might expect me to. I will not be a vampire or ghost that hollars "boo!" I won't look like a werewolf or a goblin or a ghoul, or even like a slimy blob of deadly, dripping drool. I will not be a zombie or some other horrid creature. No, this year I'll be much, much worse... I'm dressing as a teacher. --Kenn Nesbitt

13. My Dog Fred I have a dog. His name is Fred. He won't play fetch. He won't play dead. He won't shake hands or sit or stay or bark or beg or run and play. He won't roll over, shake or crawl. In fact, he won't do tricks at all. When folks ask why I tell them that's because my dog was raised by cats. --Kenn Nesbitt My Dog Fred

14. April Fool’s Day Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion on the teacher's chair. Makayla told the teacher that a bug was in her hair. Alyssa brought an apple with a purple gummy worm and gave it to the teacher just to see if she would squirm. Elijah left a piece of plastic dog doo on the floor, and Vincent put some plastic vomit in the teacher's drawer. Amanda put a goldfish in the teacher's drinking glass. These April Fool's Day pranks are ones that you could use in class. Before you go and try them, though, there's something I should mention: The teacher wasn't fooling when she put us in detention. --Kenn Nesbitt

15. Gabby'sBaby Beagle(A Tongue Twister) Gabby bought a baby beagle at the beagle baby store. Gabby gave her beagle kibble, but he begged for bagels more. Gabby loved her baby beagle; gladly Gabby gave him one, but her beagle grabbed the bag and gulped them down till there were none. So she took her baby beagle to the bagel baker's store, where the beagle gobbled bagels, bags of bagels by the score. Gabby's beagle gorged on bagels, bigger bagels than before, till he'd gobbled every bagel in the baker's bagel store. Gulping bagels bulges baby beagles' bellies really big. Say goodbye to baby beagle; Gabby's beagle's now a pig. --Kenn Nesbitt

16. Gilman Glum When Gilman Glum would suck his thumb, he'd claim, "It's just the best! It's simply incontestable. I've put it to the test. "I've sucked the thumbs of kings and queens, of presidents and popes. I've sucked the thumbs of geniuses and even those of dopes. "The taste is so delectable. No other thumb compares. I've tried the thumbs of beggared bums and multi-millionaires. "I've tasted thumbs from far away and thumbs from right next door; from San Francisco, Santa Fe, and even Singapore. "I tried a few from Kathmandu and Norway and Nepal. Yes, when it comes to sucking thumbs I'm sure I've tried them all. "If ever you could try it too I'm sure that you'd agree. But, sadly though you'll never know; my thumb is just for me."

17. Advice from Dracula Don't ever dine with Frankenstein; He feasts on flaming turpentine. He chomps and chews on soles of shoes, and quaffs down quarts of oily ooze. At suppertime he'll slurp some slime. He's known to gnaw on gristly grime. His meals of mud and crispy crud will curl your hair and chill your blood. His poison, pungent, putrid snacks may cause you seizures and attacks. Your hair may turn completely white. You may pass out or scream in fright. Your skin will crawl. Your throat will burn. Your eyes will bulge. Your guts will churn. Your teeth will clench. Your knees will shake. Your hands will sweat. Your brain will bake. You'll cringe and cry. You'll moan and whine. You'll feel a chill run down your spine. You'll lose your lunch. You'll lose your head. So come... and dine with ME instead. --Kenn Nesbitt

18. Imaginary Friend I came to school today with my imaginary friend. When everyone said "hi" to him, I said, "He's just pretend." But no one seemed to notice, which I thought was pretty weird. It turns out he'd imagined me, and, poof, I disappeared. --Kenn Nesbitt

19. My Pig Won’t Let Me Watch TV My Pig Won't Let Me Watch TV My pig won't let me watch TV. It's totally unfair. He watches anything he wants but doesn't ever share. I never get to watch cartoons or anything like that. He's busy watching farming shows. I should have got a cat. I should have got a goldfish or a guinea pig or goat. Instead, I've got this pig who's always hogging the remote. --Kenn Nesbitt