Marrying Unbelievers: What Does the Bible Say?

2. The home is under attack and that’s is not a secret! Satan’s will God’s will

3. Only In The Lord

4. Is it biblical for a Christian man to marry an unbelieving woman? • Is it Biblical for a Christian woman to marry an unbelieving man? • What does the Bible say? • There are many theories regarding this question, but this morning we are going to stay with what the Word of the Lord says to us!

5. Let me clarify this morning that I do not have the intention in my heart, nor in my life, to put any of my brothers in Christ “on the spot”. • I am entering this study very objectively, and hoping that the Lord can help us understand what many are confusing so much. • After the explanation of a few points, we will give some warnings from the Word of God regarding the topic. • God is not silent, neither is His Word.

6. What is sin? Missing the mark or breaking the law of God. When Christians sin against God, what are the steps to restoring the sinner back to the Lord? 1 John 2:1 NKJV[1] My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. Luke 15:17-18 NKJV[17] "But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! [18] I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, Acts 8:22 NKJV[22] Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

7. 1 Corinthians 7:39 [39] A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

8. What? • The disciples of Jesus Christ are only allowed to marry in the Lord (Ephesians 6:1; 11:11: Col 3:18). Colossians 3:18 NKJV[18] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 11:11 Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. Ephesians 6:1 NKJV[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

9. 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 [14] Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? [15] And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? [16] And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people."

10. Matthew 19:4-6,8-9 NKJV[4] And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' [5] and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? [6] So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." [8] He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. [9] And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

11. 2 Corinthians 6:17-18 [17]Therefore "Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you." [18] "I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the LORD Almighty."

12. My brothers, what many are saying and repeating is what Paul used at the end of verse 39 in first Corinthians 7. What is: “IN THE LORD”?

13. What is: “IN THE LORD”? • Verse 39 is stated in view of verses 36-38. 1 Corinthians 7:36-38 NKJV[36] But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. [37] Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well. [38] So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.

14. What is: “IN THE LORD”? • Verse 39 is stated in view of verses 36-38. • The virgin who does decide to marry must realize that it is a lifelong commitment. • The only way out is for the husband to die (or adultery, as Jesus taught, in Matthew 19) • It is interesting to note that Paul would make such a statement at this point in the chapter. The point is obvious. • God's command is for man and woman to remain married. • 1 Corinthians 7 is not a chapter for the divorced to turn to, and gain liberty, to remarry for causes other than adultery.

15. What is: “IN THE LORD”? • Once again, the word “bound”, means: “of binding by law and duty”. • Of the person to someone: of a wife to her husband- Rom. 7:2; of a husband to his wife- 1 Corinthians 7:27” • To bind, tie, fasten; put under obligation, of law, duty, etc. • The scriptures are clear regarding the reasons for loosing (divorcing) the bonds of marriage. • Those reasons are two in number; i.e., death or adultery. • Jesus said, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9).

16. What is: “IN THE LORD”? • In the case of a woman’s husband dying, Paul (through the Holy Spirit) gives liberty for that person to remarry because the original bond is now gone through death. • The stipulation in such case is that the marriage is to be “in the Lord.” • The phrase, “in the Lord” (en kurios) is found 50 times in the NT. • The phrase is associated with individual coming to believe “in the Lord”, by the gospel message (Acts 18:8; Ephesians 1:15). • The phrase is associated with preaching (closely associated with authority) (Acts 14:3). • The phrase is associated with giving glory to God (closely associated with authority) (1 Cor 1:31; 2 Cor 10:17).

17. What is: “IN THE LORD”? • The phrase is associated with the authority of God in the remaining 35 verses (cf. Rom 14:14; 16:2, 8, 11, 12, 13, 22; 1 Cor4:17, 7:22, 39; 9:1, 2; 11:11; 15:58; 16:19; 2 Cor 2:12; Gal 5:10; Eph2:21; 4:1, 17; 5:8; 6:1, 10, 21; Phil 1:14; 2:19; 2:24, 29; 3:1; 4:1, 2, 4, 10; Col 3:18, 20; 4:7; 1 Thes 3:8, 4:1; 5:12; 2 Thes 3:4, 12; Phile 1:16, 20; Rev 14:13). • All 50 uses of the phrase, “in the Lord” belong to the authority list. • To believe in Jesus is to follow His commands (cf. John 3:36; Romans 5:1-4). • To Glorify Jesus is to follow his commands (cf. Jeremiah 9:23-24). • Lastly, all true preaching “in the Lord”, will consider the teachings of Jesus alone (2 John 9-11).

18. What is: “IN THE LORD”? • Acts 4:7 helps us. Luke records, “And when they had set them in the midst, they asked, "By what power or by what name have you done this?" • Clearly, 1 Corinthians 7:39 belongs in the authority list. • This simply states that if a woman has lost a husband to death, she may remarry by the authority (in accordance with the teachings), of Jesus Christ. • She may not marry a man who is divorced from his wife because he was guilty of fornication. • She may not marry a man who divorced his wife for a cause other than adultery.

19. What is: “IN THE LORD”? • She may marry a man who has either never been married before, has been married and divorced (being the innocent party in a case of adultery as Jesus taught in Matt. 19), or one who has survived a dying wife. • I understand that some believe that the widow is only to marry one who is “in Christ” (a Christian). • I disagree, because Paul used “in the Lord”, not “one in Christ.” • Either assessment does not cause one to sin. • If it is one’s convictionas a widow, to only marry another Christian, that is well; however, as the study above indicates, it is clear that the widow is to marry by the authority of Jesus Christ.

20. Last Sunday morning I was asking the following questions: • Is it biblical for a Christian man to marry an unbelieving woman? • Is it Biblical for a Christian woman to marry an unbelieving man? • What does the Bible say? • I was busy trying to answer all of the questions and arguments that many presented,it was a very nice environment where we all were full of zeal, but also respecting the comment of others!

21. The arguments and all the comments were made base on what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:39 What is: “IN THE LORD”? • My answer was that in THE LORD in these context means: • “under what the Lord has already stipulated regarding marriage” • If the widow is to remarry make sure she does it in the Lord. • No to marry a divorce men for just any reason. • Not to marry a divorce men that has been put away by his wife for adultery.

22. Are there consequences in marrying an unbeliever? • Yes, there are, and I am not going to deny that at any time! • Let me explain something this morning…

23. 1 Corinthians 6:12 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. 1 Corinthians 10:23 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify.

24. Since the beginning with Cain and Abel, conflict existed between the godly and the wicked. Marriages of godly men and worldly women brought the flood (Gen 4:25-26; 6:1-7). Abraham married his half-sister Sarah to avoid such women (Genesis 11:29; 20:12). See Abraham’s zeal to find a wife for Isaac. Note the details (Gen 24:3-4,27,37-38). Esau vexed Isaac and Rebekah marrying unbelievers (Gen 26:34-35; 27:46; 28:8-9). Jacob became the third generation to marry a close relative (Gen 28:1-5; 29:9-14). Judah married a Canaanite, but God cut his wife and three sons (Ge 38:2-10; 24-30).

25. God often warned Israel about mixed marriages (Ex 34:15-16; Deut 7:1-4; Josh 23:11-13). Consider Samson, who had problems with Philistine women (Judges 14:1-3; 16:1,4). Consider Ahab, who greatly aggravated his situation with Jezebel (I Kings 16:31). Solomon, a blessed man with unlimited potential, was ruined by such wives (I Kgs 11:1-13). Ezra led a national divorce from mixed marriages that lasted two months (Ezra 9:1 - 10:44). See Ezra’s zeal correcting this sin before the Lord (9:3-6; 10:1-5 cp Neh 10:29-30). Consider Nehemiah’s zeal condemning the guilty in these marriages (Neh 13:23-27).

26. What does “in the Lord” mean? Is it eternal, legal, vital, practical, or final salvation? It practically describes “being in the kingdom and service of the Lord Jesus Christ.” It cannot refer to eternal, legal, vital, or final phases; and a profession is not enough. It must be as much Christianity as our communion and hopefully more so – hot zeal. How can we possibly accept a modern concept that all churchgoers are in the Lord? Heretics and unbelievers are to be avoided and rejected (Tit 3:10-11; II John 10-11). Is a believer a believer because he says he’s a believer? What about Satan (Jas 2:19)?

27. WHY? • There are several spiritual and natural blessings to obtain by this godly choice. • God commands it, so we humbly esteem His precept in this matter supreme (Ps 119:128). Psalm 119:128 Therefore all Your precepts concerning all things I consider to be right; I hate every false way.

28. We want to leave a godly seed in the earth – this requires a godly marriage for holy children. Remember the mingling of the holy seed that God hates (Ezra 9:2 cp Mal 2:11-16). Unbelieving spouses, or weak and carnal spouses, will lead our children away from God. Marriage is “leading about a sister”: a fellow heir of eternal life (I Cor 9:5; I Pet 3:7). Our families must present godly Christianity to the world and produce faithful saints. We are in a war as before the flood – the sons of God against the daughters of men.

29. We must avoid sour marriages bringing grief and shame to us, our children, and the gospel. How can two walk together, except they be agreed (Amos 3:3)? Marriage needs it. It is intimate, personal, life altering, permanent, and costly (Pr 12:4; Ec 7:26). Two are better than one, but only if compatible and united spiritually (Eccl 4:9-12). Marry wisely, and expect peace, performance, leverage, holy home, blessings.

30. How are differences, problems, or questions best resolved in a marriage? This is important. God created love, sex, and marriage. Therefore, let us heed the Creator’s manual. Scripture is relevant and sufficient for perfection (II Ti 3:16-17; Ps 19:7-11; Is 8:20). Two Christians should be able to solve any marriage problems easily, by Scripture. Most marriage problems are from selfish pride. What is the best cure for this poison? Wives need leverage. Yelling? Sex? Pouting? Coldness? Sarcasm? Slander? Husbands need leverage. Force? Anger? Yelling? Sarcasm? Silence? Money?

31. How can a fulfilling, loving, secure, peaceful, friendly, and fruitful marriage be obtained? Two people led by the Spirit of God are totally submissive to all of Scripture. If two people simply obeyed the Bible toward each other, it would be wonderful. We start with the fear of the Lord - both parties must totally fear God and His word. Then we add open, knowledgeable, supportive, realistic, and exemplary parents. We then need a bold preacher who will teach the whole Bible, with necessary follow up. And lastly, we should have godly brethren who can encourage, rebuke, and instruct.

32. How? We must make a choice to use the means we have, to limit our children to godly spouses. The fear of the Lord must be kept absolutely preeminent over any other criteria (Pro 31:30). • “Favor”, is doing things to please or win, and such efforts deceive and mislead. • “Beauty” is looks; which decays, blinds to character, entices, and is of little value. • If carnally minded, we will choose carnally; if spiritual, we will choose spiritually. • Spiritual initiative, depth, and zeal are crucial – not activities, professions, or favors. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

33. Let us demand faithful, holy, zealous, sanctified, Spirit-led, truth-seeking, Christ-loving, sin-hating, Bible-exalting, world denying, counting, paying, praying, and extreme spouses. Many claim “Christian” here, but few love the roles, duties, and truth God requires. Perfect spouses fear God totally, bear the Spirit’s fruit, and prioritize by the Bible. “He’s a professing Christian.” So was Judas Iscariot, a rich young man, and Demas. “His zeal is just a little cool now.” Our Lord Jesus has an opinion (Rev 3:15-16). “He believes in God.” Great. So do the devils, but they tremble at it (James 2:19). “He says he knows God.” Great. But he appears a liar by his actions (I John 2:4). “But Daddy, he’s the nicest guy I know.” So was Jack the Ripper during the day.

34. We must never marry with the presumption of conversion or wisdom later. It must come first. Should we ordain Elders in the church this way? Promote Deacons this way? Hire painters this way? Mechanics? Etc. This is tempting God, which is a sin. We do not presume on miracles to cover folly. We do not marry “hope” or “potential.” These are deceiving words hiding disaster. And, any such dating or courting, unless severely guarded, will have very high risk. Learn the “Rule of 10”: faults before marriage are ten times worse after (Pr 30:23). If they can’t pass the tests, or meet the criteria before marriage, they won’t after it.

35. Be not deceived by compatibility – whatever it is. True compatibility is mutual fear of God. Mutual interests in dating, are no indicator at all of handling marital stress later. Similar tastes in food, recreation, and music, are vanity. Use tests. Making a prospect comfortable is not wise. Prove their willingness to obedience. Should we compromise the truth to accommodate heretics and a form of godliness?

36. Consider how God’s Providence blesses our efforts with His gifts – we must have both. We plan our best approach with wisdom and zeal (James 4:13-15; Psalm 127:1-2). We trust the Lord to take care of details we cannot see (Pro 16:9; Ruth 2:2-3; 3:6-7). We keep God’s revealed will and trust His secret will (Dt 29:29 cp Ps 37:4; 84:11). We know the criteria He expects in a spouse; and He knows the desires of your heart.

37. One thing we need to always remember: • God recognizes all marriages, even if those marriages are Between: • Chinese • Arabic • Spanish • Africans • Europeans • Have you ever wondered why? Marriage is instituted by God, and is recognized by God, as long as there is one man and one woman, their promises, and also, the most important witness: GOD