The “Early Years Opportunity” Relationship and Serve and Return Interactions

1. 1 The “Early Years Opportunity” Relationship and Serve and Return Interactions

2. Hosting Notes Early Years Parent Café Goal: To build awareness and capacity of parents and caregivers in support of early childhood development through: • strengthened awareness of “the core story” and the early years opportunities. • fostering relationships, connections and mutual support by bringing people together in dialogue. • validating the current knowledge and capacity of parents and caregivers by creating a space for sharing of successes and challenges. • highlighting and sharing available resources and supports. • learning together to support capacity building that inspires further learning and action.

3. 2 Welcome&Introductions Explore: Did you try anything new since our last conversation? How did that go?

4. Hosting Notes Welcome! The fact that you’re here shows you love and care for your child. Suggestions: • Commend participants on their efforts to learn and try something new. • Make a point of letting all parents be heard. • Validate parents efforts and commitment to their child by being here. • Emphasize the shared interest among the group in their children – talking with other adults offers a great support and chance to share knowledge and experience.

5. 3 For you, what was most important about our last conversation?Note: You might wish to review the video clip from the last conversation. Explore: Did you share anything with another parent or caregiver?

6. Hosting Notes Parents sharing impressions from the last conversation… Suggestions: • What made the biggest impression? What sparked you to try something new? Did you have the chance to share this information with others? • Collecting the ideas that parents felt were most important as well as ways that they have integrated ideas and responded can spark further discussion and exchange. • Recording these ideas can be helpful for further reflection and is very important for monitoring the impact of the conversations. • Depending on participation – you may wish to review the key messages from the core story of brain development.

7. 4 The “Early Years Opportunity” Relationship and Serve and Return Interactions Conversation Overview What are your hopes and dreams for your relationship with your adult child? How does your relationship with your child support their development? How can technology impact your interactions and relationship with your child? What do think was the most important thing that you did for your child today? What makes “serve and return” interactions so important? Education for Communities, Communities for Education

8. Hosting Notes Are there particular questions about early years development you would like to discuss? Suggestion: • Use a flipchart/blackboard/newsprint on table/ to record these questions and revisit them at the end of the session. • Invite parents to offer questions throughout the conversation. Suggestion: Introduce parents to how the conversation might flow with a few sample questions from the overview.

9. 5 What are your hopes and dreams for your relationship with your adult child? Explore: How can you support and build this key relationship? From the time you get up, what can you be doing? If we are what we repeat…

10. Hosting Notes Hopes and dreams for positive relationships with adult children… Some examples: • I want an open and loving relationship with my child. • I want my child to be able to come to me when they have problems. • I want a relationship of support and mutual respect. • Others… Parents support and build a positive relationship with their child through… • Consistent, nurturing care-giving. • Remembering to connect before correcting. • Taking time to give full attention. • Understanding and communication: really listening, “talking to” versus “talking at” and using positive language. A study showed parents spent only minutes each week in real conversation with their children rather than directional language! - source: Staying Connected • Spending time sharing in their interests and favorite activities. • Enjoying being together, having fun; reading, singing and playing. “In real estate it’s ‘Location, location, location’; in child development it is ‘Relationship, relationship, relationship!’” Suggestion: Share and discuss Winning ways to talk to young people. -Washington State Department of Health and Social Issues.

11. 6 How does your relationship with your child support their development? Explore: Some people refer to relationships as the “active ingredient” for early childhood development!

12. Hosting Notes Relationships with parents and caregivers contribute to healthy development … • Young children develop in an environment of relationship. Nurturing and stable relationships with caring adults are essential to healthy human development right from birth. • During sensitive periods of brain development relationships actually shape the architecture of the brain! • Relationships will impact self confidence and independence, and feelings of security that allow children to explore and learn. • They will influence other relationships throughout life! • A loving, consistent caregiver can buffer a child from the negative impacts of stress. • “A positive, nurturing relationship with a caregiver is one of the most important ways to promote and support the healthy social, emotional, and cognitive development of a young child!” • “Think of it as brain food”

13. 7 Explore together:Serve and Return Interaction Shapes Brain Circuitry ,Center on the Developing Child orBuilding Better Brains: Serve and Return, Alberta Family Wellness InitiativeWhat are your reactions?What strikes you the most? Suggestion: Pass a ball of yarn between partners as they “serve and return” to one another. Notice the connection!

14. Hosting Notes Reactions to how serve and return interactions contribute to building brain architecture… Examples: • “I’m surprised that simple exchanges are so important.” • “I thought we were just playing.” • Others? Key points: • Serve and return interactions between children and adults are key to building and strengthening brain architecture and building relationships! • When young children reach out instinctively, “serving” with babbling, facial expressions and gestures and adults “return” in a meaningful way neural connections in the brain are formed and strengthened. • Sensitive and responsive care giving (to a young child’s signals and needs) provides an environment rich in serve and return experiences. • This back-and-forth process is fundamental to the wiring of the brain, especially in the earliest years. • These interactions form the foundation of brain architecture to support all future learning, behavior and health!

15. 8 We know “serve and return” interactions between a child and caregiver are essential for building a healthy brain.What’s different about them?What makes them so important? Explore: Think about a time when you returned a serve from your child.What did this look like? *Try Ellen Galinsky’s Still Face Experiment to discover more.

16. Hosting Notes “Serve and return” interactions areessential and unique because they: • Are a key ingredient in forming relationships between young children, their parents and other caregivers, promoting healthy social, emotional, and cognitive development. • Are part of an ongoingcaregiver - child relationship. • Are responsive to child reaching out - they are essential and expected. • Meet the developmental needs of the individual child in the moment. • Build on child’s unique interests, initiative and capabilities. • Shape the child’s self-awareness and sense of who they are in the world. • Buffer a child from stress response. • Are an essential prerequisite for the development of healthy brain circuits and more complex skills! “When we respond appropriately, the child learns to form secure attachments, explore her world, control emotions and care about other people. At the same time, we learn about our children by watching how they respond to new experiences, new people and new places.” -Alberta Government Chief Medical Report “Let’s talk about the Early Years”

17. 9 Technology is everywhere.How can technology impact your interactions and relationship with your child? Explore: What about ““screen time” for young children?How do you and your family use technology? * Canadian Pediatric recommendations for technology use.

18. Hosting Notes Technology can impact our interactions and relationships with children by … Examples: • Distracting us from one another and missing our child’s “serves”. • Taking time away from interactions and building relationship • Helping us to connect, sharing a game or talking with grandparents over Skype. * The evidence that interactions with caregivers build brains is clear! The same cannot be said for technology. Make time for serve and return, active play and exploration a priority. What do you think about “screen time” for children? The Canadian Pediatric Society recommends: • no screen time for children under 2 years of age • less than one hour per day for children 2-4 years; less is better! Using technology in your family: • Share the experience with your child • Ensure it is developmentally appropriate • Use technology for entertainment “wisely” – this should include making plans and setting limits.

19. 10 Reflecting on what we have discussed today…What do think was the most important thing that you did for your child today?

20. Hosting Notes Parents’ reflections on what was most important in their day… Examples: • Sang together while making breakfast. • Played “peak-a-boo” while changing their diaper. • Stayed for a few minutes to calm my child when they arrived at child care. • Took a deep breath before responding when I felt frustrated. • Others?

21. 11 After our discussion today, what will you try that is new to you?Is there a goal you would like to set? Explore: What would you like to share with another parent or caregiver?

22. Hosting Notes Great ideas from parents: Examples: • I will limit my child’s screen time. • Check out the Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child. • I will think more about my relationship with my child – and practice serve and return. • Share the video with my family and childcare provider. • Others? Reminder: provide any follow up information requested and remind participants of upcoming conversations. Read more: Check the accompanying Resources for recommendations!