WELCOME

1. WELCOME • The Father’s Perspective • Interactive Training • Quiz at the end

2. Introduction • Although Mothers (in the view of many) are intuitively assumed to be the only parent a child really “needs” • Fathersmost often are or can be an extremely significant person in a child’s life.  • Historically 2 parent households were the norm, now single parent households appear to be the norm.  • What is happening to create this phenomenon?  Is it simply some form of  Natural Selection that fathers are now considered “Absentee, non-custodial and/or Dead Beat Dad’s?”  If this is the case, how and why is this happening? 

3. Introduction • The current social landscape should be offering a different view as to who should be considered significant persons in a child’s life.  • Fathers typically aid in the healthy social development of their children by providing structures and boundaries as well as positive identities for their children.  • Nonetheless, it continues to appear that fathers are systematically being eliminated from their children’s lives by forces (often) beyond their control and their children are left behind to suffer their fate. 

4. (By Law) A mother in Minnesota who was not married at the time of her child's birth has sole custody until a Court issues a custody order.

5. “even if a father's name appears on the child's birth certificate.”

6. Defining Custody…. • "Legal custody" refers to the right to make decisions about how to raise the child, including decisions about education, health care, and religious training. • "Physical Custody" refers to the right to make decisions about the routine day-to-day activities of the child and where the child lives. • Depending on several factors, parents may share custody, which is often called "joint" physical and/or legal custody. Or, one of them may have "sole" physical and/or legal custody. NOTE: The custody arrangement could be different for each child in a family. • "Joint legal custody" means that both parents share the responsibility for making decisions regarding how to raise the child, including the right to participate in major decisions about the child's education, health care, and religious training. • "Joint physical custody" means that the routine daily care and control and the residence of the child is structured between both of the parents.

7. “We Girls Grew Up” croomism@gmail.com • A short film by my sister - Sherine Crooms.

8. FRAMING • What’s the single strongest predictor of a father’s engagement with his child? • A) How he was parented. • B) Trends reported in the media. • C) How many children he has in common with the mother. • D) All of the above. • E) None of the above.

9. ANSWER: • “The single most powerful predictor of father’s engagement with their children is the quality of the men’s relationship with the child’s mother.” • In other words; a strong co-parenting relationship!

10. CAUSE and EFFECT: When co-parenting is not aligned • Mother does not include them in caring for the child: Father doesn’t learn how to care for the child • Mother dismisses father’s importance to the child: Father feels unable to contribute • Mother puts the father down to the child: Father tires of the conflict • Mother restricts access to the child: Father may withdraw and drift away.

11. OTHER BARRIERS: To good co-parenting Alienation. Highly Mobile Custodial and Non-custodial Parents. Culture. Gatekeeping. Parallel Parenting Systems. Disparaging Remarks. Undiagnosed/untreated mental illness.

12. GATEKEEPING vs. COPARENTING • Gatekeeping is one parent exerting power over the other. • Good co-parenting is both parents agreeing

13. Reasons for Gatekeeping • Belief in gendered parenting (held by either parent, social workers, parenting expeditors, teachers and even children). • Need for mother to feel validated as mother • Power/control over mother’s domain • Too high standards of parenting • Pessimistic assessment of father’s competency • Lifestyle differences between parents • Behaviors of father that are potentially dangerous • Poor parental relationships • Mother’s relationships with their own fathers (EPL)

14. MATERNAL GATEKEEPING: • Mother’s beliefs and behaviors help or hinder father involvement • Rationale: Manage the father’s involvement • Can be Justifiable and Unjustifiable • Fathers may implicitly or explicitly support gatekeeping behaviors. • Gatekeepers act Solo and Supported

15. IMPACT: PARELLEL PARENTING • Inconsistent discipline, rules, expectations. • Lack of parental coordination and communication can cause problems. • Need to adapt to each parents rules and style – this takes extra energy.

16. IMPACT: CONFLICT • Active conflict is harmful • Children put in the middle of their parents disagreements can result in mental health issues, stress, difficulty with relationships

17. IMPACT: DISENGAGED • Loss of attention and emotional support from disengaged parent.

18. January 14, 2009 • Minnesota Joint Physical Child Custody Presumption Study Group Report • Recommends more research concerning best interest. • Recommends legislative changes promote and allow for cooperative agreements between the parties. • Recommends the court consider the individual needs of children and families. • Recommends amendments to make it clear that current law provides no presumption for or against joint physical custody, except in special cases. • Recommends if Legislature chooses to enact a presumption of joint physical custody, it include a clear definition of term and how it relates to a determination of parenting time.

19. ARIZONA • Refer to Cantor Law Group Video

20. PARENTING TIME • “Father’s need a lawyer” (for adequate parenting time). • Otherwise aren’t they sent to a parenting time expeditor who determines the child must spend the overwhelming majority of its time with the postpartum mother due to nursing? • Does the father have the ability to form attachment in this system? • Is this Attachment healthy?

21. OXYTOCIN: The neurological bonding agent • Attachment • Reduces stress • Increases pleasure • Bonding, Attachment, Union = Family

22. (PACE) Quiz • Playfulness • Acceptance • Curiosity • Empathy • Without these elements will a healthy, significant and fulfilling relationship between a child and his/her father occur? • Yes/No • In the year 2020 if all things remain the same in Minnesota; what percentage of children born out of wedlock do you feel will suffer a perceived void from lack of their father’s involvement? • A. 10% • B. 25% • C. 50% • D. 75%

23. SOLUTIONS & RESOURCES • Minnesota Fathers & Families Network: www.mnfathers.org • The Fathers Project • Minnesota Department of Human Services Child: www.dhs.state.mn.us • Minnesota Joint Physical Child Custody Presumption Study Group Report 1/14/2009 • Minnesota Judicial Training Update: Parenting Time Expeditor vs. Parenting Consultant 2/10/2012