Just Who Do You Think You Are?

1. Just Who Do You Think You Are? Building A Positive Self Concept Career & Family Leadership

2. Introduction So much of what you do in your life is based on who you are. What is it that you believe in? What do you enjoy doing in your free time? How do you learn best? What do you do well? As we work through this unit, be as honest as you can, and keep an open mind. As we work through several self-assessments you will learn a lot about yourself and how others perceive you. This knowledge will allow you to make improvements for the future life that you want.

3. Discover Your Inner Pig Activity • You will need a blank piece of paper. • On your paper, draw a pig- this pig will help to interpret your personality. • Do NOT look at your neighbor's pig. • Do NOT influence how other pigs are drawn. • Once you have finished drawing your pig, turn your paper over, sit quietly, and wait for your classmates to finish.

4. Interpreting Your Pig Personality Location on the Paper • If the pig is drawn toward the top of the paper you are a positive and optimistic person. • If the pig is drawn towards the middle of the page, you are a realist. • If the pig is drawn toward the bottom of the page, you are a pessimist and have a tendency to behave negatively.

5. Interpreting Your Pig Personality Direction the Pig is Facing • If the pig is facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and are good at remembering dates & birthdays. • If the pig is facing forward (toward you) you are direct, enjoy playing the devil’s advocate, and do not fear or avoid discussion. • If the pig is facing right, you are innovative and active, but have trouble remembering dates.

6. Interpreting Your Pig Personality It’s All in the Details • If the pig is drawn with many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful. • If the pig is drawn with few details, you are emotional, naïve, care little for detail, and take risks. • If the pig has 4 legs showing, you are secure, stubborn, and stick to your beliefs. • If the pig has less than 4 legs showing, you are insecure, or are living through a period of major change. • The larger the pig’s ears are, the better listener you are.

7. 3 Critical Areas to Becoming Your Best Self • Personal Skills: your relationship with yourself. • Examples: handling stress, coping with unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations, being open to new ideas. • Interpersonal Skills: your relationship with others. • Examples: ability to listen to others and interact with them, being able to work in group settings and accomplish goals. • Intellectual/Cognitive Skills: ability to think things through and see long-term. • Examples: weighing consequences of actions, making decisions, looking at different methods of problem solving.

8. Creating a Personal Vision • Vision = a snapshot look into tomorrow. • Having a clear vision can help you overcome obstacles. • It gives you direction and inspires and motivates action. • Example: Steve Jobs founded Apple Computer on the vision that one day every person in America would have a computer. • To create a clear vision, you must know yourself and understand what you are capable of.

9. All About Me Foldable • You will be creating a foldable graphic organizer that summarizes the important components of your life at this time. You will need 3 pieces of construction paper and a container of glue to make your foldable! Each level of your foldable will highlight different areas of importance in your life. Think carefully before you complete each section.

10. All About Me Foldable Scoring Guide

11. Personal Values • Values are the things that are important to you. The things that you hold dear. • Your values have a major impact on the decisions that you make everyday. • Values determine what we spend our money on, who we spend our time with, and how we will handle tough situations when they arise. What’s Important to Me? Worksheet

12. Getting to Know Yourself & Your Values • Think of what is most important to you it may be something you can touch like family or money. • It may be something more abstract like freedom or honesty. • Complete the pyramid by filling in the things that mean the most to you. Your top 5 values. • Then answer the questions at the bottom of the page.

13. Discovering Your Abilities “The key to success in life, and especially in leadership, is to make the best possible use of the things you have going on for you.” • There are 3 Types of Skills: • Self-Management Skills: personal qualities. • EX: how well you get along with others, how you manage your time, etc. • Transferable Skills: can be used across career fields. • EX: being able to speak and write well. • Specialized Skills: knowledge learned for a specific career. • EX: a nurse will need to learn how to administer medications.

14. Self-Perceived & Natural Abilities • Self-perceived abilities are the life-approaches and interests that you have. • They are flexible and influenced by experiences. • These are abilities that you take time to strengthen. • Natural abilities reflect the style of each person. • These abilities do not have to be taught to you, but they may need to be polished. Discovering Your Own Abilities Worksheet

15. Developing Emotional Intelligence • EQ= Emotional Intelligence • EQ has 5 Components: • Self-Awareness • Self-Esteem • Assertiveness • Openness to New Ideas • Emotional Control • Barking orders and shouting commands does not work, you have to be able to get along with people.

16. Self-Esteem • Your thoughts and feelings about yourself. • Do you like yourself? Do you have self-respect? • Different areas make up our self-esteem such as: • Scholastic ability • Social acceptance • Athletic ability • Appearance • Job performance • Appeal to the opposite sex • Ability to make friends You may place a high value or more importance on a particular area.

17. Self-Esteem • How you feel about yourself depends on who you compare yourself with. • Healthy self-esteem means thinking as highly of yourself as you do you peers. How’s Your Self-Esteem? Quiz

18. Self-Esteem To maintain a healthy self-esteem: • Forgive yourself for your mistakes. • Celebrate your strengths and achievements. • Set achievable targets and be open to constructive feedback. • Change the way you talk to yourself- don’t put yourself down. • Beating yourself up for your weakness is self-defeating, work on building up your strengths.

19. Assertiveness • Being assertive means that you can communicate your ideas and rights to others, WITHOUT stepping on the rights of others. • Passive people give in to the demands of others and are often seen as a “doormat.” • Aggressive people are defensive and often hurt others to get what they want. • Assertive people fall in the middle and are much easier to work with. • We are all born assertive! When you were a baby you had no trouble making your desires known. How Assertive Are You? Quiz

20. Assertiveness • The key to communicating assertively is using “I” Messages: “When… Then… I Feel… I Prefer” • When: Describe the other person’s behavior • Then: Describe the effect of the behavior on you • I Feel: Describe your feelings; do not accuse or blame • I Prefer: Describe the behavior you want or prefer

21. Examples of “I” Messages • “You’re so inconsiderate!” • When you do not call me when you say you will, then I imagine that something bad has happened, I feel scared and anxious, I prefer that you call, when you say you will. • “You’re such a slob!” • When you don’t put things away after using them, then I end up doing it and I fell resentful and angry, I prefer your cooperation in keeping things put away in their place. • “Don’t walk away from me!” • When you get up and walk away while I’m talking to you, then I assume you are not interested in what’s important to me, I feel hurt and ignored, I prefer that you give me and our conversation your full attention. Practicing Assertive Communication Worksheet

22. Emotions • The following is a list of basic emotions. There is no order to them or grouping: Joy Surprise Shame Distress Fear Interest Acceptance Disgust Anger Join 3 other classmates and discuss the questions below, be ready to report your answers to the group. • Are these the basic emotions that people feel? Are there any others you think should be included in this list? • Give 2 examples of mixing emotions. How do you really know what you are feeling when emotions mix? • What color would you use to express each of these different emotions? • Which emotions are positive, which are negative? Explain why.

23. Emotional Control • Emotional control is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor your emotions, distinguish among them, and guide your thinking and actions. • These 3 areas have a lot to do with emotional control: • Stress management • Anger control • Handling Criticism

24. Stress Management • Stress is a word we use to describe feeling out of control. • Stress causes physical and mental tension. • What causes stress for you may not bother someone else. • Experts agree that change is the single most important trigger for stress. • Stress is not always a villain, it is not always triggered by something unpleasant. • Stress can serve as a motivator to keep you alert and focused.

25. The Stress Test • How well do you sleep at night? • Takes a little time to fall asleep, but once I do I sleep well. • Toss and turn most of the night. • No problem. • When awaking in the morning you feel: • Up and ready for a full day. • Headaches and/ or body pains. • Groggy and very sleepy • How many headaches do you get a week? • Everyday • 2-3 times a week • None- very rarely

26. The Stress Test • Do you feel tired during the day? • Occasionally • Never • Often • How many times do you get sick in a year? • None • More than 5 times • Once or twice • Do you occasionally suffer from constipation? • Never • Occasionally • Often

27. The Stress Test • How many times a week do you exercise? • Everyday • Once or twice a week • Never • Do you suffer mood swings? • No • Yes, often • Yes, occasionally • If something goes wrong in your life, you feel: • Need to fix problem • Frustrated • Laugh it off

28. The Stress Test Results • A= 2 B= 3 C= 1 • A= 1 B= 3 C= 2 • A= 3 B= 2 C= 1 • A= 2 B= 1 C=2 • A= 1 B= 3 C= 2 • A= 1 B= 2 C= 3 • A= 1 B= 2 C= 3 • A= 1 B= 2 C= 3 • A= 1 B= 3 C= 2 9-13 LOW STRESS 14-20 AVERAGE STRESS 21-27 HIGH STRESS

29. Anger Control • Anger is the most common emotion humans experience. • Few people are skilled at reacting to the emotion of anger in an effective way. • Everyone gets angry. • Controlling your anger does NOT mean that you don’t feel angry, or that you ignore your emotions. • Anger must be released. • It is like a pot of boiling water- if you leave the lid on, eventually it will boil over leaving a giant mess.

30. Anger Control • The area of your brain known as the amygdala judges events and decides how your body will react. • When you encounter a threat, it triggers your brain to fight or flight. • Become defensive or run away. • Any event that triggers the brain will cause an emotional reaction- it can be happy, sad or angry. • The way we perceive an event will determine our reaction.

31. Anger Control • People who are aggressive and anger easily typically create unfriendly situations for themselves and others because of their reactions. • Everyone feels anger differently; your body usually tells you when you are angry. • You may breathe faster. • Your face may turn red or feel hot. • Your muscles may tighten. • You may feel the urge to break something or yell.

32. Getting to the Root of Your Anger • Where is the evidence? • Why are you angry and is there evidence to prove that you have reason to be angry? • Is there another way of looking at it? • There are 2 sides to every story, is there another way of interpreting what happened? • So what? • Is it worth getting angry over? Do you feel like you really need to confront the person, or will it be irrelevant after a few hours?

33. Getting to the Root of Your Anger • What will the outcome be? • Think of the potential outcomes of you actions. • Can I empathize? • Before you let your anger get the best of you put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Anger is a very difficult emotion to control, it comes on quickly and can escalate fast. Once you have learned to recognize early signs you can begin to step back, slow down, and evaluate the situation.

34. How to Keep Control in a Confrontational Situation • Lighten Up • When others are angry, most people either get defensive or withdraw, both are bad reactions. • Take a few breaths, allow yourself a moment to think before you react or speak. • Presume Innocence • Nobody likes to be told they are wrong. • If you believe someone is wrong or not telling the full truth, ask questions to try to get the entire story out. • Dump Their Stuff Back • When someone is venting on you, don’t interrupt, wait until they are finished. • Place the ball back in their court, ask them “What would make this better? Or How can we fix this?”

35. Your Anger Control Checklist • Design your own “Anger Control Checklist!” • Create a page that discusses: • Your anger triggers • Strategies for managing and controlling your anger • Everyone's will be different as we each handle our emotions in our own way.

36. Criticism • Being criticized is not usually a pleasant experience. • Criticism usually comes when we have failed to meet the expectations of someone. • Learning how to deal with criticism can help you in many relationships- family, friends, work etc.

37. Types of Criticism • Concerned Criticism • Based on concern for the other person. • The person giving the criticism genuinely cares for the other person. • This type of criticism is tactful and gentle. • It is helpful, considerate, and usually easy to accept. • Constructive Criticism • Focused on improving a particular behavior. • Points out what is wrong in order to make it better. • Moves beyond the problem and suggests solutions. • Provides encouragement and support.

38. Types of Criticism • Casual Criticism • Is uncaring and difficult to receive. • Often blunt and harsh. • It may be more false than true and is usually based on very little facts or knowledge. • Confrontational Criticism • Is hostile and usually based on fear, anger, or jealousy. • Its purpose is to hurt the other person, not to help. • Is the most difficult to handle.

39. When Offering Criticism • Look at the situation realistically. • It is important that the other person be improved be what you have to say. • If you know the person is not going to change, then don’t waste your breath. • Get to the point. • Make sure they understand why you are criticizing. • Get right to the point and be specific. • Criticize only when necessary. • Only criticize when it is important. • Focus on one issue at a time.

40. When Offering Criticism • Never say “Never or Always” • Never or always put people on the defense. • Usually or sometimes are better words to use. • Don’t add humor. • If you don’t criticize them seriously, they may not consider it seriously. • Joking may also be interpreted as making fun of someone which can lead to more problems. • Timing is Important • Don’t wait too long to talk to them about what is going on, it will loose it’s effectiveness.

41. When Offering Criticism • Criticize with Praise • Everyone needs to have their strong points recognized. • When criticizing someone, be sure to mention things that they do well also. . • Focus on Expectations • When people are given clear expectations to live up to, they usually deliver. • Don’t get angry. • Don’t let personal feelings get in the way. • Keep anger and frustration out of it.

42. When Offering Criticism • Admit your mistakes. • When you are able to admit your own mistakes, people are more willing to accept when you are pointing out their errors. • Criticize again if necessary. • You may have to speak to a person more than once. • If you speak to them a second time make sure you are more direct.

43. Handling Criticism • Acknowledge the Criticism • Acknowledge that you heard the person- even if what they are saying seems crazy. • Don’t get defensive, just indicate that you have heard what they said. • Ask for more Information • Ask them to give you more information- this gives time to cool off and allows both of you to stay focused on the true issue. • Assume they are there to help. • Beginning with this idea in mind will help keep you from getting defensive and will allow you to be open to hearing what they have to say.

44. Handling Criticism • Be Objective • Look at the facts. Is it deserved? Is there some truth behind what they are saying? • If not, brush it off. If so make a plan to change it. • Add Your Perspective • If you disagree, tell them your side of the story. • Treat it as an Opportunity • True criticism gives the opportunity to improve an area of your life. • Add you own Self-Criticism • If their comments are true, you may need to apologize, and state what you plan to do differently.

45. Responding to Criticism • The best way to respond to criticism is to use an assertive communication style. • 3 Techniques to Respond Criticism • Acknowledge Your Mistake • Disarm Your Critic • Ask Probing Questions Review Techniques and Write Responses