Making Advances And You Thought Treating Female Partners Was Challenging!

1. Making Advances And You Thought Treating Female Partners Was Challenging! Treating Male Partners of FSLAs • SASH Conference 2012 • San Antonio, Texas, September 20, 2012 • Marnie C. Ferree & Linda Hudson Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts

2. MALE PARTNERS - INVISIBLE ONES • Unique shame • Cultural stereotypes Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

3. ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

4. ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

5. MODELS FOR TREATING PARTNERS • Strong disagreement about best approach • Strong agreement about commonalities Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

6. CHARACTERISTICS OF MALE PARTNERS • Angry • Also addicted • Avoidant PAIN Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

7. SYSTEMS THEORY Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

8. SYSTEMS THEORY • Roles • Rules • Attachment issues Sex and love addiction is an intimacy disorder. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

9. CO-ADDICTION MODEL NOT responsible for addict’s behavior. IS responsible for own personal and relationship issues. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

10. CO-ADDICTS HAVE OWN ISSUES OF… • Trauma • Unhealthy Coping • Impaired Intimacy Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

11. HISTORY OF ABUSE Carnes, P. (1991). Don’t call it love: Recovering from sexual addiction. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publishers. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

12. CO-ADDICT’S COPING STRATEGIES • Search and seizure • Control • Complain • Threaten • Ignore • Rage • Focus on kids/ work • Manipulate • Withdraw/shut down • Become more sexual • Engage in own addiction • Tolerate impaired intimacy • Self-righteousness Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

13. CO-ADDICTION IS… • Focusing on someone else’s life • Believing you can control people and events outside yourself • An obsession with the possibility Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

14. TRAUMA MODEL • “Partner sensitive” emphasis that focuses on “sexual addition-induced trauma.” • Partner receives equal clinical attention • Steffens & Means (2009). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse - How Partners Can Cope and Heal Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

15. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE • Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study) Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

16. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

17. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE • Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study) • Causes constant triggering, reactivity, hypervigilance, panic, anxiety, somatic symptoms • Normal, predictable responses of people who have been deeply betrayed Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

18. PARTNER’S WORK: ATTENDING TO MULTIPLE TRAUMAS • Relational betrayal, deception, emotional abuse, marginalization, manipulation • “Gaslighting” by sex addict • “Treatment-induced” trauma Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

19. EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

20. EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Grieving Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

21. DISCLOSURE • Disclosing Secrets • Surviving Disclosure • by Deborah Corley & Jennifer Schneider Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

22. Belief System PARTNER’S SYSTEM Impaired Thinking Unmanageability Preoccupation Fantasy • Partner’s • Cycle Distraction Strategies Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Despair Crisis

23. HEALING • Boundaries • Unique Issues/Challenges Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

24. Making AdvancesA Comprehensive Guide for TreatingFemale Sex and Love Addicts Edited by Marnie C. Ferree Writers: Susan J. Campling Robin Cato M. Deborah Corley Marnie C. Ferree Linda Hudson Alexandra Katehakis Kelly McDaniel Anna Valenti-Anderson Jill Vermeire Sonnee Weedn All proceeds benefit the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Healthwww.sash.net/makingadvances