YOUR TTU/HSC EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROVIDER PRESENTS…

1. YOUR TTU/HSC EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROVIDER PRESENTS… Finding Balance: Effective Stress Management Jason Northrup, M.M.F.T., LMFTA, LPCI Therapist, Employee Assistance Provider May 6, 2008

2. INTRODUCTION • Welcome! Did you get a handout? • Things you will learn about today: • The definition of stress • Sources of stress • Burnout • Concepts and techniques for managing general stress effectively • How relationships with certain people can contribute to stress • Concepts and techniques for handling stressful relationships

3. CAVEAT • Attending this workshop will not magically make stress disappear! • If you want to experience a decrease in your stress level you must actually do something different! • If you want a low-stress life then you must make these tools part of your lifestyle!

4. LEARNING ABOUT STRESS Stress • Our reaction to events (environmental or internal) that exceed our adaptive resources • Experienced physiologically, cognitively, emotionally, spiritually • Different Types of Stressors • Physical • Psychological • Familial • Spiritual • Social • Occupational

5. LEARNING ABOUT STRESS • 89% of Americans report that they often experience high levels of stress • Can be experienced at practical levels or can be brought to critical levels in two ways: • Cumulative Stress • Traumatic Stress

6. THE STRESS CONTINUUM

7. BURNOUT Burnout A state of mental and/or physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress (Girdino, Everly, & Dusek, 1996)

8. BURNOUT • Three stages of stress leading to burnout • Stress Arousal • Energy Conservation • Exhaustion

9. STAGE 1: STRESS AROUSAL Persistent irritability Persistent anxiety Periods of high blood pressure Bruxism (grinding your teeth at night) Insomnia Forgetfulness Heart palpitations Unusual heart rhythms (skipped beats) Inability to concentrate Headaches Stress Arousal includes any two of the following symptoms:

10. STAGE 2: ENERGY CONSERVATION Lateness for work Procrastination Needed three-day weekends Decreased sexual desire Persistent tiredness in the mornings Turning work in late Withdrawal Cynical attitude Resentfulness Increased caffeine or alcohol consumption Apathy Energy Conservation includes any two of the following:

11. STAGE 3: EXHAUSTION Chronic sadness or depression Chronic stomach or bowel problems Chronic mental fatigue Chronic physical fatigue Chronic headaches The desire to “drop out” of society The desire to move away from friends, work, and even family Thoughts of committing suicide Exhaustion includes any two of the following:

12. THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING BALANCE www.mindtools.com

13. STRESS MANAGEMENT • Three major approaches • Action-oriented • Confront the problem which causes stress; Change the environment, your situation, etc. • Emotionally-oriented • We do not have the ability to change the situation, but we can change our interpretation of it (how we feel about it) • Acceptance-oriented • We do not have the ability to change the situation nor do we have emotional control; survival-focus

14. ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES You can manage your situation. You can manage the amount of stress.

15. ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOURSELF • Take care of yourself physically: exercise regularly, monitor your diet, get enough sleep • Take time to do things you enjoy and talk with people in and out of work • Find a relaxing hobby • Improve communication and conflict resolution skills—assertion, not passivity or aggression (more on this later) • Enrich your life spiritually

16. ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOURSELF • Get a pet • Get a massage • Ask for help • Sing or write about your problems (emotionally express yourself—vent! Holding it in makes it worse!) • Listen to relaxing music • Leave the office at the office • Reconsider your lifestyle and objective in life. Outline what will provide you the deepest satisfaction in life and make that your priority

17. ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING THE AMOUNT OF STRESS Set realistic goals for yourself (see handout) Be realistic about how much you can accomplish in a day Structure your time and your day to plan for the unexpected Practice good time management Don’t sweat the small stuff (don’t spend dollar time on penny projects) Manage your money realistically

18. ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING THE AMOUNT OF STRESS • Delegate. Avoid reverse delegation • Don’t procrastinate (this also applies to taking time for yourself!) • Choose your battles, differentiate between what you can control and what you can’t • Learn to say “NO” appropriately. “Do know your limits and don’t limit your no’s!”

19. EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS • Don’t stress about being stressed! • Change your self-talk (set of thoughts you have about events that happen to you) • Avoid overreacting • Take breaks • Learn relaxation techniques: meditation, guided imagery, muscle relaxation (more on these later)

20. EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS • Thought Awareness, Rational & Positive Thinking • Our own negative thinking often contributes to our stress level • Be aware of these thoughts and challenge them as they arise! It will only take a second • If it is hard to think objectively, imagine what you would say to a friend • After you have challenged the thought, give yourself an affirmation (these work best when specific, framed in present-tense, and have strong emotional content) • Use intelligently—don’t be a Pollyanna

21. EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS • Emotional Analysis • Negative emotions are an early warning sign that something is wrong in the situation • Stop and relax! Figure out why the emotion is there (e.g. ask yourself if you think that the situation is keeping you from a goal, if you expect the situation to fail, etc.) • Challenge this assumption realistically • Take appropriate action

22. ACCEPTANCE-ORIENTED APPROACHES • Accept that you are powerless • Allow for proper time to “grieve” • Share your feelings with someone who cares about you • Express your feelings privately (e.g. a journal, a “letter,” prayer, poetry, etc.) • Keep taking care of yourself in other ways to prevent a buildup of stress

23. ACTIVITY • Draw a line down the center of the page. On one side, write down your stressors. As many as you can name. Weight them from 1-10. • On the other side list the resources you currently use to help you deal with your stressors. As many as you can name. Weight them from 1-10. • Total each column. Which is bigger? By how much? What can you add/subtract to make them closer?

24. MANAGING STRESS • Some techniques people use to manage their stress ends up backfiring (e.g. alcohol and other drugs, shopping, sleeping, eating, excessive TV-watching/internet-use, etc.) • These may provide short term relief but in the end cause more stress.

25. BURNOUT IS PREVENTABLE • You have a choice! You can actively choose to do things differently and take care of yourself or you can choose to put it off until it catches up with you. • You can ignore your needs, deplete your resources, and the stress will eventually lead to burnout. It is your choice!

26. DEPRESSION Most everyone will have times in their lives when they feel down, discouraged, or depressed. These are often triggered by stress, disappointment, or problems in social or family relationships.

27. SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION • Depressed mood most of the day almost every day (feeling sad or empty or being tearful) • Not wanting to participate in pleasurable activities that you once enjoyed, too tired • Major changes in sleep patterns or appetite • Feeling worthless or guilty, hopeless about the future • Suicidal thoughts, thoughts about death • Difficulty concentrating, trouble making decisions

28. WHEN TO SEEK HELP • If you are experiencing several of these symptoms and they have been occurring for more than a few weeks it is a good idea to utilize your EAP or seek out another trained professional.

29. JUST DO IT • Don’t assume that the problem will go away or be too embarrassed to ask for help. • Don’t wait until your relationship is so damaged that both of you can’t even decide if it is worth working on. • When depression is diagnosed and treated properly, you and your partner can get back to leading a healthy normal life.

30. RELAXATION EXERCISES • It’s time for you to sit back and relax. It’s stressful talking about all this stress! • Let’s take a break and then practice some of the things you can do for yourself to help you better manage your stress.

31. RELAXATION EXERCISES • Imagery • Imagine a peaceful setting • Safe, peaceful, restful, beautiful, happy • Imaginary or a real location • Bring all your senses into the experience, one-by-one • Imagine stress flowing out of your body or locking away stressors • Imagine performing a stressful, upcoming task well • Lowers anxiety • Mental practice for the real thing, so you often actually perform better!

32. RELAXATION TECHNIQUES • Meditation • Often stigmatized by bad stereotypes (e.g. as a mystic practice), but research has supported it for some time (read The Relaxation Response by Benson, for example) • Get comfortable and consciously and progressively relax your body and focus on one thing (e.g. your breathing, an object, a sound, an image, etc.) for a sustained period • This occupies your mind, diverting it from negative thoughts or anxiety • Gives your body and mind a chance to recuperate • Do this for 10 to 20 minutes (set a timer so you don’t have to think about time)

33. RELAXATION EXERCISES • How do you feel after only a few minutes of practicing just two of relaxation techniques?

34. STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS • Some people who might have the power to affect your stress level… • Your boss

35. STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS • Your coworkers • Spouses

36. WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE • Put problem people in proper perspective. • Take your pick - positive or negative. • Don’t expect difficult people to change. • Give and request frequent feedback. • Be straightforward and unemotional. • Deal directly and discreetly. • Document for self-protection.

37. STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS • 3 tools for dealing with stressful relationships • Assertiveness • When you need to speak up • Stakeholder management • When you need structure • Active listening/Validating • When you need to slow down

38. ASSERTIVENESS DEFINED • Assertion occurs when a message expresses the speaker’s needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly and directly without judging or dictating to others (Adler & Towne, 1996).

39. AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE, ASSERTIVE RESPONSES

40. ASSERTIVENESS • “Promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express feelings honestly and comfortably, to exercise personal right without denying the rights of others” (Alberti & Emmons, 1995). • Assertiveness is NOT manipulation and it is not for “wimps.” It is for everyone, including those who have been taught to “win at all costs” and those who are taught that it is “wrong” to be angry.

41. THE COMPLETE ASSERTIVE RESPONSE: 5 STEPS • Behavioral description: objective statement of the facts without emotion (e.g. “You said that my work was substandard”) • Interpretation: process of attaching meaning to behavior. This is subjective (may be unique to you) (e.g. “You’re looking for a reason to fire me, so you’re being especially picky” or “You think I’m capable of doing better”). This works better with a more positive interpretation

42. THE COMPLETE ASSERTIVE RESPONSE: 5 STEPS • Feeling: connect the emotional component of the meaning (e.g. “I feel overwhelmed, discouraged, frustrated, etc.”) • Consequence: result of the behavior, interpretation and/or feeling (e.g. “I don’t want to even try anymore”) • Intention: may indicate where you stand, requests of others, or descriptions of how you plan to act in the future (e.g. I’d like to figure out another way for us to communicate about my mistakes”)

43. WHEN TO BE ASSERTIVE • It is a good idea to know when to behave assertively and when it is okay to express your anger. Behaving one way all the time is, at the least, boring, and, at the most, really annoying.

44. WHEN AN ASSERTIVE RESPONSE IS APPROPRIATE • You understand both sides of the situation and it is still important • You have a good chance of getting what you want • You are looking for a specific outcome and not just expressing yourself • You have counted to 10 and have an appropriate response • The risks and/or consequences are realistic • Your actions will make a positive difference…you would kick yourself later if you didn’t do something.

45. STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT Identify your stakeholders Prioritize your stakeholders Understand your key stakeholders

46. STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT • Some possible stakeholders… • Your boss • Your coworkers • Customers • Prospective customers • Your family/friends

47. STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT • Prioritizing www.mindtools.com

48. STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT • Key questions: • What financial or emotional interest do they have in the outcome of your work? Is it positive or negative? • What motivates them most of all? • What information do they want from you? • How do they want to receive information from you? What is the best way of communicating your message to them? • What is their current opinion of your work? Is it based on good information?

49. STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT • Who generally influences their opinions, and who influences their opinion of you? • Do some of these influencers therefore become important stakeholders in their own right? • If they are not likely to be positive, what will win them around to support you? • If you don't think you will be able to win them around, how will you manage their opposition? • Who else might be influenced by their opinions? Do these people become stakeholders in their own right?

50. LISTENING • Some tips, hints, and suggestions on improving something you’ve been doing all your life!