بسمِ الله الرحمن الرحيم ALI 155:Essential of Marriage

1. بسمِ الله الرحمن الرحيمALI 155:Essential of Marriage Academy for Learning Islam (ALI) Session 1: May 16 & May 23, 2009 Session 2: May 17 & May 24, 2009

2. Introduction: Why this seminar? • It’s sensible to prepare for a venture that will In… be lifetime • Focus on essential advices • Why do so many marriages break? • Begin it on the right footing • Stories from marital guides • Know that Islam is not against having desires & enjoying a spouse

3. Marriage in Islam • Marriage is a highly respected and recommended institution in Islam. It is so greatly emphasized that a believer who deliberately shuns it is not a follower of the Prophet (s). The famous Prophetic Hadith says: Marriage is from my sunnah, and whoever turns away from it is not from me. It is a sign of the Almighty that he has created males and females among the human beings and then created a system that allows them to live together for the benefit of both the spouses & become agents of God in procreation. Reflect on following verses & Hadiths.

4. Aayaat & Hadiths on Marriage • وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاء يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ 24:32 • وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ 30:21 • هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ 2:187 • ما بُنِيَ في الإسلامِ بِناءٌ أحَبَّ إلى اللَّهِ عَزَّوجلَّ، وأعَزَّ مِنَ التَّزويجِ • ما مِن شابٍّ تَزَوَّجَ في حَداثَةِ سِنِّهِ إلّا عَجَّ شَيطانُهُ: يا وَيْلَهُ ، يا وَيْلَهُ! عَصَمَ مِنّي ثُلُثَي دِينِهِ ، فَلْيَتَّقِ اللَّهَ العَبدُ في‏الثُّلُثِ الباقِي • المُتَزَوِّجُ النائمُ أفضَلُ عِندَ اللَّهِ مِنَ الصائمِ القائمِ العَزَبِ

5. Good family life essential in marriage • Reflection on āyāt 6:84 – 89 • Allah raised many prophets within the family of other prophets • Prophets rewarded in this world by having prophethood in their progeny • Family upbringing and environment help in having virtuous children • Being a virtuous (sālih) is a precondition for being appointed a prophet • Allah chooses and guides some that they become prophets

6. Family role in prophetic missions • They provided a vital assistance to the prophet against the adversaries among their people • Remained pure from evil and indecency. Allah purified family of the Holy Prophet (33:33); Family of Lut (a) remained pure from sodomy (27:56) • After the death of the prophets, their descendant became their spiritual and material heirs • Prophets prayed to Allah to grant them the help of members of their family, e.g. Musa (a) prayed that his brother Haroon (a) become his assistant 20:29 & 30 • They also prayed for divine favor for their kin and their offspring

7. Materialism vs. Islamic family life • i) The drive to become independent economically at any cost • ii) Economic independence is wrongly taken as being self-sufficient • iii) Promotion of small family size • iv) Love of the self and physical comfort is paramount •  v) This world and what is in it matters, Hereafter is secondary or illusory

8. Becoming independent economically • Economic independence per se is good. Imam Ali (a): Being poor while at home is like being a stranger; Being rich while abroad is like being at home. • Love for world & what it has is understandable. Imam Ali (a): People are the children of this world; a man cannot be criticized for loving his mother. See HQ 3:14 • To have luxuries and high standard of living at the cost of heavy debts and mortgage is inappropriate because: • a) Both parents are under pressure to work • b) Ali (a) : Indebtedness is slavery . . . so do not give yourself up as a slave to someone who is not aware of your rights. Excessive debt forces the one who is truthful to tell lies, & one who keeps his promises to break them. • c) Lifestyle is full of demands and stress. Therefore little or no time to spend together within a nucleus family and more so with relatives

9. Economic independence or needless • كَلَّا إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَيَطْغَى {6}أَن رَّآهُ اسْتَغْنَى {7} • Verily, man does transgress all bounds (in disbelief and evil deed, etc.) when he considers himself self-sufficient. (96:6 & 7) • Selfish and self-centered people are not welcome in all societies • We are part of a society and everyone has role to play in it

10. Small family size has become a norm • Designs of cars and houses, maximum 4 people (ham do, hamāre do) • - Contraceptives: available easily, relatively inexpensive & a big choice • - Cost of supporting relatives has become a big economic concern • - Abortion has become a common thing. Allah says: • وَلاَ تَقْتُلُواْ أَوْلادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلاقٍ نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُم إنَّ قَتْلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْءًا كَبِيرًا • And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin (17:31). Also see 6:151

11. Love for the self and physical comfort • Materialism creates a selfish sense of self, putting oneself above others. Thus members of a family may be more prone to consider their own interests and feel reluctant to sacrifice for the others. • Comfort is above anything else. Thus guests or extended family members may not be welcome due to the inconvenience this may cause. • No time for close relatives. As a reminder we assign special days in a year for special relatives (mother, father)

12. This world and what is in it matters, Hereafter is secondary or illusory • Family members may give a lot of time and efforts for school, sports, entertainment, but less time for ibādah, visiting the mosque etc. • Time to read novels, newspapers & other magazines. No time to read Islamic literature or take Islamic courses • Time to watch television programs or play video games can be found. Listening to Islamic lectures, sermons, & documentaries hard to find

13. Surely, this life has a purpose • Did you suppose that We created you aimlessly, and that you will not be brought back to Us? (Holy Qur’an 23:115) • O Allah . . . grant me life as long as You know the life is good for me, and cause me to die if death is better for me (Sayyida Fatima az-Zahraa ‘alayhaas salaam) • O Allah . . . employ me in that about which You will ask me tomorrow, and let me pass my days in that for which You have created me! (As-Sahifa As-Sajjadiyyah, Prayer No. 20, passage No.3)