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Peace in the Parish and Beyond Webcast #4 Apology / Forgiveness

A Webcast presented by: St. John ’ s Seminary & The Office of Vicar for Clergy [Archdiocese of Los Angeles]. Peace in the Parish and Beyond Webcast #4 Apology / Forgiveness. APOLOGY MUST SATISFY NEEDS. Demonstrates humility Uplifts the Other Restores dignity to harmed party

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Peace in the Parish and Beyond Webcast #4 Apology / Forgiveness

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  1. A Webcast presented by:St. John’s Seminary&The Office of Vicar for Clergy [Archdiocese of Los Angeles]

  2. Peace in the Parish and BeyondWebcast #4Apology / Forgiveness

  3. APOLOGY MUST SATISFY NEEDS

  4. Demonstrates humility • Uplifts the Other • Restores dignity to harmed party • Reverses invalidation • Shifts focus to the Other apology shows respect

  5. Demonstrates we feel their pain; we recognize their suffering • Conveys we “get it” • Tells them “we feel what you feel” • Promises we’ll not cause more pain apology offers expression of concern

  6. Communicates we accept being cause • Signals we seek to gain control of our actions • Signals harm will not be repeated apology expresses acceptance of responsibility

  7. apology expresses regret for violating moral grain of universe • Communicates moral perspective • Communicates ability to judge right from wrong • Provides comfort regarding future; harm will not be repeated

  8. apology signals offender seeks forgiveness • Requests “take away my guilt” • Demonstrates humility • Honors Other by request for help

  9. Signals willingness to restore balance • Pledges to make world right again • Offers restitution apology expresses willingness to make amends

  10. apology removes insult from injury • Restores face • Restores respect • Addresses the emotional injury of insult

  11. apology signals desire to reconcile • Communicates change of heart • Signals relationship has value • Signals Other person is valued

  12. Signals control has been regained • Removes fear of sociopath lacking remorse • Communicates remorse and concern apology promises harm will not be repeated

  13. apology acknowledgesfree will • Shows understanding that actions are a matter of choice, not chance • Expression of self-control

  14. apology promotes spiritual growth • Restores relationship with God • Opens door to repentance • Re aligns our will with God’s Will

  15. Helps restore reality • Reduces confusion • Reduces sense of unreality • Increases certainty for party apology explains why things happened

  16. apology motivates confession • Parallels confession • May motivate deeper confession • Induces examination of conscience

  17. Supplies concession needed to convene • Signals willingness to communicate • Signals willingness to collaborate • Provides safety and hope apology opens door to mediation

  18. Why People Do Not Apologize

  19. Hidden Guilt Defusing the Bomb

  20. Forgiveness

  21. Forgiveness makes no sense.It is NOT rational.

  22. Justice Forgiveness does not balance the scales

  23. To ForgiveIs an Act of Will

  24. AcknowledgeFree Will

  25. Barriers to Forgiveness • Desire for Revenge • Diminished Consciousness • Victim Identity • Desire for Justice / Fairness

  26. \ Desire for Revenge

  27. Downside to Revenge • Burden of Guilt • Low Self-Esteem • Remorse • Spiral of Retribution • Self-Deception

  28. Diminished Consciousness • Buried Memory Triggered • Drink, Drugs, Depression • Clouded Reality • Wounds Shadow Us • Wounds Fester, Become Poison

  29. Victim Identity • Victim Identity Addictive • VI endowed with False Value • Covert Revenge - Shaming • Debilitating Loss of Dignity

  30. Attachment to Fairness • Endless Tit-for-Tat • Unable to find Balance • Retribution Unending • Stuck to Other Party - Trapped • Unfair Universe - We Blame

  31. False Self vs. False Self

  32. Uncovering False SelfArt of Spiritual Direction

  33. Retreat into Solitude

  34. Stages • Hurt • Hate • Heal • Unite

  35. How We Hurt • Degree from mild to severe • Degree hurt was deserved • Degree hurt was personal • Degree hurt was intentional

  36. Crisis of forgiving when personal, unfair, and deep.

  37. Types of Hate • Passive • Passive Aggressive • Aggressive

  38. Healing • Separate truth from lies • Become present to world • Turn from False Self to Divine Self

  39. Healing comes to fruition when we unite under an umbrella of grace.

  40. Self-Forgiveness Accept Divine Forgiveness

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