Literary Paragraph #1 FEEDBACK WHAT NOT TO DO IN ACADEMIC WRITING

1. Literary Paragraph #1FEEDBACKWHAT NOT TO DO IN ACADEMIC WRITING

2. 1. Titles of Novels • WRONG • Within the first two pages of the book “1984”, George Orwell uses numerous manipulative techniques to establish mood. • CORRECT • Within the first two pages of the novel 1984, George Orwell uses numerous manipulative techniques to establish mood. OR • Within the first two pages of the novel 1984, George Orwell uses numerous manipulative techniques to establish mood.

3. 2. Do not use “contractions” • WRONG • “Boiled cabbage” and “old rags” don’t have a pleasant smell, indicating that the hallway in Victory Mansions possesses a foul smell, suggesting the opposite that the name implies; the words connote that Victory Mansion isn’t a comfortable place to live. Orwell could also be foreshadowing that the living conditions worsen as Winston travels up to his flat. • CORRECT • “Boiled cabbage” and “old rags” do not have a pleasant smell, indicating that the hallway in Victory Mansions possesses a foul smell, suggesting the opposite that the name implies; the words connote that Victory Mansion is not a comfortable place to live. Orwell could also be foreshadowing that the living conditions worsen as Winston travels up to his flat.

4. 3. Inserting Quotes • WRONG • George Orwell starts his novel with the following sentence, “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” (George Orwell, 1984, Page 3) • CORRECT • George Orwell starts his novel with the following sentence, “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen” (Orwell 3).

5. Inserting Quotes con’td… • WRONG Winston and everyone else in Oceania are constantly under surveillance through the device of a telescreen, watching their every move, “Any sound that Winston made, above the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it; moreover, so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal plaque commanded, he could be seen as well as heard. There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment.” (Page 4) This portrays that the population of Oceania is constantly being watched. It is both a reminder and a warning that manipulates the citizens of Oceania to abide by Big Brother’s rules.

6. Inserting Quotes con’td… • CORRECT Winston and everyone else in Oceania are constantly under surveillance through the device of a telescreen, watching their every move, Any sound that Winston made, above the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it; moreover, so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal plaque commanded, he could be seen as well as heard. There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment (Orwell 4). The people of Oceania are constantly being watched; the telescreens serve as both a reminder and warning; it manipulates the citizens of Oceania to abide by Big Brother’s rules.

7. Need to lead into a quote • WRONG • Winston Smith, the main character is stuck in the same frightened world as everyone else. “…slipped quickly through the doors of Victory Mansion…” (Orwell page 3). Ironically, he resides in an apartment called Victory Mansions. As a reader, the word victory portrays achievement and control of which Winston has none. • CORRECT • Winston “…slipped quickly through the doors of Victory Mansion…”, the apartment complex in which Winston has his flat(Orwell 3). The name of the apartment is ironic because based on Orwell’s description of the complex, it does not resemble a luxurious living place; in fact, Orwell describes “[its] hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old mats,” emphasizing the dilapidated state of Oceania’s living conditions (Orwell 3).

8. 4. Try not to sound too sophisticated; just use simple language/Correct Word Choice/Wordiness WRONG Orwell sets the mood with the utilization of an array of strong words, phrases and literary devices in a manner that captivates the reader and makes them feel at one with the characters. CORRECT In the first two pages of 1984, GeorgeOrwell establishes mood by using an array of effective words, phrases and literary devices.

9. 4. Try not to sound too sophisticated; just use simple language/Correct Word Choice/Wordiness WORDY/WORD CHOICE The best manipulative tactic is the fact that Orwell shows instead of telling in his writing. OTHER WAYS OF REPHRASING? Through the writing technique, “show, don’t tell”, George Orwell establishes the oppressive and sombre mood of 1984.

10. 5. Avoid using analogies or metaphorical language to explain a point. Stick to the evidence. Avoid 2nd person. DO NOT DO THIS… This passage paints a vivid image of Oceania in your head. In media art, you can edit a box of pencil crayons so that one pencil is red and the rest are gray. This is what Oceania is like. Oceania is the all gray background and the Big Brother poster is that one red pencil. ALTERNATE Orwell emphasizes the importance of Big Brother by creating contrast as he describes . For example, Orwell writes, ``…though the sun was shinning and the sky a harsh blue, there seemed no colour in anything, except the posters that were plastered everywhere.`` (Orwell 4).

11. 6. Do not use brackets WRONG Another point is when Winston (the main protagonist) is deep in thought (showing the quiet dullness) as he looks out the window describing the scene as the telescreen plays in the background. CORRECT Another example of how Orwell uses imagery to convey mood is when he describes the streets of London. He states, “Outside even the world looked cold. Down in the street little eddies of wind were whirling dust and torn paper into spirals, and though the sun was shining and the sky a harsh blue, there seemed to be no colour in anything except the posters that were plastered everywhere.” (Orwell 4). Through the use of descriptive adjectives such as “cold…whirling dust…torn paper…spirals…harsh…no colour…”, Orwell accentuates the deathly and arid state of London.