Parenting Class- Session #1

1. Parenting Class- Session #1 “ ‘Ideal’ Families and Approaches to Parenting”

2. Discussion Questions • * How were you disciplined as a child? • * How do you think it affected you? • * How do you want to be the same or different from your parents?

3. Discipline • * The goal of discipline should be to help the child change from within. • * Discipline is not punishment and should be managed with the child’s needs in mind. • * Spanking done in anger does not create a meaningful change from within. • * If children are to change within, discipline is not enough. It must also include modeling and teaching.

4. 3 Approaches to Discipline • Traditional or Authoritarian • “Do it now because I said so!!” • Permissive • “Do whatever you want; I don’t care!!” • Effective or Authoritative • “Would you please….? Thank you. You’re a good worker.”

5. Authoritarian Approach • Parent’s needs come first. • Usually requires obedience without question. • The parent imposes his or her will on the child. • Parent makes all the decisions. • The role of the child is to obey. • The parent has all the power.

6. Authoritarian Characteristics • Parent Discipline Tool • Overbearing Yelling • Dictatorial Commanding • Inflexible Ordering • Strict Rewarding • Repressive Punishing • Uncompromising Bribing • Dominant Threatening

7. The Effect on the Child • Obeys out of fear of punishment. • Manipulates • Often out of control when parents aren’t present. • Retaliates, strikes out at times. • Child can become insecure, fearful, resentful.

8. Authoritarian Home • Home is… • Tense, rigid, militaristic, oppressive • Relationships are… • Fearful, distant, cold, resentful, rigid

9. Permissive Approach • Parents never set limits, are indulgent, and provide no goals or direction. • Usually go to extreme lengths to use reason and manipulation. • May assume the role of buddy or friend rather than parent to their child. • Sometimes resorts to authoritarian style to regain control and then swings back. (see-saw analogy)

10. Permissive Approach (cont.) • Child’s needs are more important than parent’s. • Child is allowed to define the limits. • Parent attempts to use reason and manipulation to get results. • Tries to be pleasant while feeling tense, anxious, and often angry. • Child makes decisions.

11. Characteristics • Parent- fearful, inconsistent, indecisive, yielding, passive, weak • Discipline Tools- pleading, wishing, waiting, giving up and doing nothing, giving in

12. Permissive Approach • Home Atmosphere- chaotic, uncontrollable, wild • Parent/Child Relationship- distant, resentful, child may feel unloved, uncared for, manipulative

13. The Effect on the Child • Becomes self-centered and demanding. • Fails to develop consideration of others or of needs of the group. • Develops little self-control.

14. Indecisive Homes • Swing back and forth between authoritarian and permissive. • There is no consistency. • The result is a confused child who may feel unloved.

15. Common Needs of Parents AndChildren • To feel worthwhile • To feel respected • To feel loved • To feel appreciated • To feel competent • To feel accepted • To be treated fairly • To feel special in some way

16. More Common Needs • To feel listened to • To have limits • To be happy • To have time alone • To have recognition • To be close to others • To belong • To love • Friendship

17. Direction & Control of the Relationship Rests with the Parent • At birth, parents have full responsibility. • As children grow, they assume more and more responsibility for themselves. • Parents use their authority to try and influence how much responsibility the child assumes. • Children, by nature, are resistant to adult authority. • Parents help children to accept that rules & limits need to be imposed and followed.

18. Two Things to Effectively Exercise Direction and Control • Parents must believe that every child is entitled to basic respect stemming from a human dignity equal to that of the parents. • Parents must be willing to be influenced by their child.

19. Effective Parenting (Authoritative) • Parents establish a routine and follow it. • Encourages the child to be cooperative and have respect for the rights of others. • Resists coercive demands of the child: I know you really want to stop at the store now, but we will be late for school. • Enforces rules consistently. Doesn’t say: If you do that one more time…

20. Effective Parenting (cont.) • Doesn’t promise what they can’t fulfill. • Follows through on what they say they’ll do, whether it’s a promise or discipline. • Gives praise and encouragement for tasks well done and attempted: Good try! • Is actively involved by taking time to talk, to play. • Encouragement is essential!

21. Effective Parenting • Both parent’s and child’s needs are equally important. • Treats child with respect & consideration. • Tries to exercise leadership and direction by example without suppressing the child’s self-respect, individuality or willfulness. • Makes eye contact, body contact with child when possible, communicating at same level.

22. Characteristics • Parents- approachable, respected, reasonable, flexible, encouraging • Discipline Tools- incentives, consequences, assertive messages, negotiation, conflict resolution, requests

23. Effective Parenting (cont.) • Home Atmosphere- relaxed, orderly, consistent • Parent/Child Relationship- close, open, sharing, respectful, communicative

24. Effects on the Child • Develops self-discipline • Is able to focus on the needs of the group • Learns from successes and failures • Feels self-confident • Respects self and others • Learns to make decisions • Feels secure

25. The End Any Question or comments

26. Hope to see you December 3rdfor the next class,“Successful Parenting”