Parental Discipline: Sorting out the Mixed Messages

1. Parental Discipline: Sorting out the Mixed Messages Bob Larzelere Human Devel. & Family Science Oklahoma State University December 1, 2009

2. Outline • Historical Pendulum Swing • Developmental vs. Behavioral Views • Putting views together • Effective vs. Detrimental Disciplinary Enforcements • Implications for Parent Educators

3. Historical Pendulum Swing • Watson (’28) Maternal love is dangerous. • No hugs or kisses or sitting in your lap • Rapid self-care: toilet training begins at 3-5 weeks, strap to toilet at 8 months. • Spock (’46-) Restored balance of love and limits • “Trust yourself” – first words to parents • Moderate strictness or permissiveness OK for loving parents – extremes are detrimental

4. Historical Pendulum Swing • Today • Mixed messages? Forehand & McKinney (’93) • Trust experts, not yourself or your parents • Permissiveness, maybe with mild consequences • What pendulum point is optimal?

5. Child Developmental vs. Behavioral Tx (vs. Traditional) • Complementary (Child Dev. vs. BehTx) • Children studied • Foundations • Goals • Proactive discipline • Contradictory disciplinary responses • Reasoning  Child Devel. • Time out  Behav. Parent Training • Spanking  Traditional

6. Child Developmental View • Children studied Nonclinical • Foundations Attachment, sensitivity • Goals Moral internalization • Proactive steps Modeling, coaching • Response tactic Reasoning, minimal power assertion

7. Behavioral Parent Training View • Children studied Clinically defiant • Foundations Positive reinforcement • Goals Reduce disruptive behavior • Proactive steps Clear commands, a few targeted behaviors • Response tactics Time out, privilege removal, little reasoning

8. Parenting Programs Often Focus on One or the Other • Good communication is key • Parent Effectiveness Training – Gordon • Consistent consequences are the key • 1-2-3 Magic -- Phelan

9. Putting Pieces Together • Key #1: Authoritative Parenting: • Love & limits • Reasoning & consequences • Key #2: Sequence of disciplinary tactics • Matching tactic to misbehavior • Matching tactic to underlying motivation • More forceful tactics should enhance milder tactics • Mildest tactic that is effective for situation

10. Key #1: Authoritative Parenting: Love and Limits • Combines both perspectives • Love & firm control • Reasoning & negative consequences • Consistently optimal outcomes

11. Parenting Styles: Prototypes High Control Authoritarian Authoritative Low Warmth High Warmth Disengaged Permissive Low Control

12. Eight Parenting Styles High Control Directive Authoritarian Authoritative Good Enough Low Warmth High Warmth Democratic Rejecting Permissive Neglecting Low Control

13. Outcomes of Authoritative Parenting • Does authoritative parenting have long-term beneficial outcomes? • Short answer: Yes, esp. vs. extremes • Much better outcomes than authoritarians • Better outcomes than permissive • Similar outcomes to parenting styles that are not low on either warmth or control

14. Competency Outcomes (at Age 14, 10 years later) • General Competence Factor • Individuated: interesting, arresting personality; sense of identity; articulate • Projects Self-Confidence: self-respect, confidence with parents, cognitive confidence • Cognitive Competence (Cognitively Motivated + Achievement Oriented) • Communal Competence (Self Regulated +Socially Responsible)

15. Problem Outcomes (Age 14) • Externalizing Problems: dangerous exploits, delinquent behavior, dropout lifestyle • Internalizing Problems: self-pitying, excessive worrying, feels worthless

18. Integration Key #2: Sequencing Disciplinary Tactics

19. Bell’s Control System Model 3rd Level Control Attempts Upper Limit Controls 2nd Level Control Attempts Initial Control Attempts Maintenance Region of Optimal Child Behavior Ongoing Child Behavior Lower Limit Controls Initial Control Attempts 2nd Level Control Attempts 3rd Level Control Attempts Time

20. Disruptive Child Behavior 3rd Level Control Attempts Upper Limit Controls 2nd Level Control Attempts Initial Control Attempts Ongoing Child Behavior Maintenance Region of Optimal Child Behavior Lower Limit Controls Initial Control Attempts 2nd Level Control Attempts 3rd Level Control Attempts Time

21. Roles of Behavioral and Developmental Emphases 3rd Level Control Attempts Behavioral Parent Training Upper Limit Controls 2nd Level Control Attempts Initial Control Attempts Maintenance Region of Optimal Child Behavior Developmental Psychology Ongoing Child Behavior Time

22. Upper Limit Control Levels (e.g.’s) • Initial level • Verbal -- correction, reasoning, negotiation • 2nd level • Mild to moderate power assertion – privilege removal, restraint, redirecting, time out, yelling • 3rd level • last resort (e.g., for time out)– restraint, spanking, brief forced isolation, job chores, grounding

23. Sequencing as one key to putting pieces together • Goals: from Child Developmental View • Child behavior to stay in tolerable range • Rely on verbal correction (e.g., reasoning) as much as possible (if effective) • Authoritative parents: verbal persuasion, give-and-take • Methods: from Behav Parent Training view • Nonphysical conseq’s necessary when reasoning is ineffective (esp. when children are defiant) • Can enforce reasoning in 2- and 3-year-olds

24. Misbehavior Trends for High Use of Disciplinary Reasoning (preschoolers) Rarely Backed Up (0% to 9%) Average Trend Overall Backed Up Periodically (10%+) with Negative Consequences Source: Larzelere et al. (1998). J Marr Fam, 60, 388-403.

25. Sequencing as key • Shows only beneficial use of spanking • To back-up time out • When 2- to 6-year-olds are defiant • Only one back-up equally effective • Forced brief room isolation • More forceful tactics enforce cooperation with milder tactics • Forceful back-up tactics can then be dropped

26. Foundations for Effective Firm Control • 1. Supportive nurturance • 2. Enhancing desired behaviors • 3. Decreasing misbehaviors • Skills at #1 & #2 help with #3 in two ways: • a. Less misbehavior • b. Child more responsive to corrective discipline

27. Foundations for Effective Firm Control • Positive reinforcement • Clear expectations and communication • Age-appropriate expectations

28. Effective Disciplinary Enforcement • Age-appropriate maturity demands • Regular structure and routine • Age-appropriate chores • Confront misbehavior directly but calmly • Prefer verbal correction & brief reasoning • Enforce verbal discipline with mild consequences (time out, privilege removal) • Spank only for defiance to milder tactics • 2- to 6-year-olds

29. Last-Resort Back-Ups for Defiance • Back-up spanking • 2 open-hand swats to bottom for defiant responses to nonphysical punishment (> 10 of 13 alternatives, mostly based on 2- to 6-year-olds) • Note: supports cooperation with milder tactics • Brief forced room isolation: • Only alternative equally effective for defiant 2- to 6-year-olds in 2+ studies (back-up for time out) • Chaffin: best treatment for abusive parents uses latter back-up for time out (in PCIT)

30. Detrimental Disciplinary Enforcement • Verbal hostility: Worst outcomes • Psychological control • Overly intrusive • Limits age-appropriate independence, autonomy • Arbitrary, inconsistent control • Severe physical punishment • Reasoning without enforcement

31. Parent Education Implications • Prevention 1st, Cure 2nd • Balance love and limits (extremes detrimental) • Verbal tactics 1st, mild actions 2nd, last resort 3rd

32. Balance Love & Limits • Authoritative parenting and approximations are optimal • Authoritarian & permissive extremes detrimental • Balance reasoning and negative consequences • Either without the other is detrimental • Expand parental options • Make milder discipline more effective • Strategy to phase out last-resort tactics

33. Sequential Ordering of Disciplinary Responses • 1st -- Mild verbal tactics • Be responsive to children & their viewpoint • 2nd -- Mild disciplinary actions • Diversion/redirecting vs. nonphysical consequences? • Single warning for (nonphysical) punishment • Out-persist, don’t out-escalate the child • 3rd -- Last resort tactics • Only for defiant responses to milder tactics • Higher levels enforce lower levels, to phase out higher levels

34. Concluding Thoughts • Love AND Limits • Mild AND Effective • Power assertion should support, not undermine positive parenting • Fit of your parent education emphases within overall model?