Professional Communication: Verbal Judo and The Art of Gentle Persuasion

1. Professional Communication: Verbal Judo and The Art of Gentle Persuasion Washington Area Lacrosse Officials Association

2. The Truth about Customers The customer isn’t always right. But they are always the customer.

3. What We Provide as Officials: • Safety • Direct Customer Contact • Supervision • Management

4. You are the Representative Atthe point of impact, a single employee “represents” the whole organization for better or worse. What kind of representative do you want to be remembered as?

5. Who is Watching? • How many people are told about a negative interaction? • It has been estimated that seventeen persons are told about a single negative interaction that is seen by only one person

6. Verbal Judo • Public events have the potential for getting out of hand • Verbal Judo is a well established method of providing personnel with professional communication skills • Knowing how to “redirect a person’s behavior with words” is an important tool for keeping everyone safe

7. Universal Truths People want to be treated with respect and dignity People would rather be asked than told People want to know why they are being asked People want to make their own choice, given options instead of threats People want a second chance

8. We treat people like ladies and gentlemen, not necessarily because they are, BUT BECAUSE WE ARE.

9. Principles Of Verbal Judo Principle of Judo itself-using the energy of others to maintain control of the situation Enables officials to safely manage the game using appropriate presence and words as options Communication principles and tactics to generate cooperation and gain voluntary compliance under stressful situations

10. Key Actions Making Initial Contact Active Listening Managing Verbal Resistance Moving Beyond Words

11. Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated under the same circumstances

12. To Implement the Golden Rule, we need to eliminate certain behaviors & language: Physical • Facial Expressions • Attitude • Mannerism Speech • Profanities • Tone and Volume • Verbal Parting Shots

13. Initial Contact An appropriate greeting-ask for their time “May I speak with you?” Explain why you are initiating contact “I want to talk to you about…” If they are doing something they shouldn’t be doing, find out why “You seem to be doing…., is there a reason why?”

14. Keys To Active Listening Be open and UNBIASED Hear literally Interpret accurately Act appropriately

15. Active Listening: LEAPS Listen-Letthemfinish their statement Empathize-See it from their point of view Ask-Clarify with questions Paraphrase-Tell them what you understand, repeat LEAP if necessary Summarize-Put all the info together in context

16. GVC Generate Voluntary Compliance when we have to… Generate Voluntary Cooperation on a good day… Generate Voluntary Collaboration on a great day

17. Words that Escalate: Calm down! What’s your problem? You people… Come over here! I’m not going to tell you again! Because that is the rule!

18. Non-Escalation Phrases: May I talk withyou? What can I do to help you? May I ask you… Will you assist me? Will you work with me? Do you have a question?

19. Anyone can talk someone into being ejected but it takes a professional to talk someone out of being ejected

20. Non-escalation vs. De-escalation If we spend more time on non-escalation, we won’t need to de-escalate.

21. GVC Example in Action Ask – Requestingtone of voice Set Context -- Tell them why, explain reason for contact Give Options – Positive first then negative Confirm – Is there anything that I can say… to get you to… I would like to think that… Act – Disengage and/or escalate

22. Professional Civility You have to be nice … Until its time not to be nice … Then you have to be nice again

23. Benefits Referee Safety Enhanced Professionalism Decreased Customer Complaints Decreased Vicarious Liability Court Power (no one wants to be seated at the table labeled defendant) Less Personal Stress Increased Morale

24. Use all of the Information Listen to what the personis saying, watch what they are doing, put everything in “context” of the current situation Otherwise, you may never see the argument or complaint coming

25. Empathic Listening Employ active listening skills to understand the situation from their point of view Attempt to learn what a person is thinking in order to generate voluntary: Compliance Cooperation Collaboration

26. GVC: 5 Step Concept • Ask • Set Context • Give Options • Confirm Noncompliance • Act – Disengage and/or Escalate

27. Respect • Professional respect is given • When you walk onto the field in uniform • Personal respect is earned • Through actions, communication, and professionalism • Expect the first, strive for the second

28. Verbal Judo Maxims Let attitude drift … Focus on behavior We don’t need the last word, we have the last action It’s not enough to BE good, you have to LOOK good & SOUND good, or it’s NO good Never step on one’s personal face The goal is to attain personal respect, not just professional People are like steel - When they lose their temper they are useless!