Welcome to Session 8!

1. Welcome to Session 8! Planning for Change And Making an Informed Decision

2. Review of the Core Competencies: • Protecting and Nurturing Children • Meeting Children’s Developmental Needs and Addressing Developmental Delays • Supporting Relationships Between Children and Their Families • Connecting Children to Safe, Nurturing Relationships Intended to Last a Lifetime • Working as a Member of a Professional Team

3. What were some of the highlights from our last session?

4. “Parking Lot” Are there any questions from previous sessions that we can answer now?

5. Supplemental Handouts for This Session • Class List • List of Important Phone Numbers/Websites • Evaluation Form

6. Safety and Security for Sexually Abused Children • Identifying child sexual abuse • Helping a child feel safe • Understanding behaviors of children who have been sexually abused

7. Safety and Security for Sexually Abused Children • It is generally not your role to identify when a child has been abused or neglected. The child comes into your home after some form of abuse or neglect has been substantiated. • However, instances of sexual abuse may not be known until the child has entered foster care and begins to develop a sense of safety and trust with the foster parents.

8. Safety and Security for Sexually Abused Children Realizing that sexual abuse is a possibility with any child that may be placed in your home means that you need to take steps and safeguards to ensure their safety and well-being.

9. Indicators of Child Sexual Abuse • Resource 8-E on Pages 292-293 in your PRIDEBook contains a list that may help you identify a child who has been sexually abused. • The indicators with an asterisk beside them are most highly associated with sexual abuse and even one of these indicators would be cause for concern. • It is most often a combination of indicators that leads to a conclusion that a child may have been sexually abused. The presence of one indicator alone (other than above) does not mean that a child has been sexually abused. • If a child reports that he/ she has been sexually abused, you are REQUIRED to make a report to DYFS.

10. Characteristics of a “Healing Home” • Resource 8-F (PRIDEBook p. 294) defines the characteristics of a “Healing Home” • Rules, tasks or activities that promote: • Private space where children can be alone and take care of developmental needs and personal hygiene • Boundaries provide rules and patterns that give children their space • Respectful nurturing to help children build relationships but do not include physical touch

11. ACTIVITY: “Healing Home” • Using the sticky-notes provided, write something you can do in your home to promote boundaries, private space or respectful nurturing • Try to think of something for two different rooms in a home • Stick your notes on the house layout in their respective rooms

12. Behavior Problems of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused Children often have intense fears of people, places, things and events associated with the sexual abuse. What might you do in your healing home, when a child who was sexually abused at night refuses to sleep in his/her bed?

13. Behavior Problems of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused • Reassure the child that they will be safe in their bed. Remind them of the rule that no one gets into someone else’s bed. • Allow the child to sleep on the floor. • Ask the child where or how they might feel safe sleeping and, if reasonable and allowed by DYFS, allow this to happen.

14. Behavior Problems of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused Sexual abuse leads to anger and rage that is quite understandable. However, the child can rarely direct the anger toward the proper target and instead may become angry at those trying to help. What might you do in your healing home when a child deliberately destroys property?

15. Behavior Problems of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused • Talk with the child about his or her anger • Address the property damage as a disciplinary issue • Help the child talk about his/ her anger and ways to vent the anger less destructively • If child is in treatment, work with treatment provider to develop strategies

16. Behavior Problems of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused Sexually abused children have been exposed to adult forms of sexuality and may engage in sexualized play (alone or with other children), use sexual language or masturbate excessively. What might you do in your healing home when a child begins to masturbate while the family is watching television?

17. Behavior Problems of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused • Educate the child about masturbation • Establish a rule that it is only done in private • Discuss this with child’s therapist

18. Behavior Problems of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused You CANNOT ignore the behavior problems of children who have been sexually abused, or the behaviors are likely to get worse. Likewise, punishment is not effective because it lowers the child’s self-esteem. Addressing these behaviors in a consistent, confident and understanding way will help the child build a sense of safety and control.

19. Risk, Confidentiality and the Community • A 14-year-old girl who was sexually abused when she was younger has an unusually high level of sexual knowledge. She has been with your family for three weeks when a neighbor asks if she can baby-sit for her two children, ages 3 and 5. • A 13-year-old boy placed adoptively with you witnessed the murder of his mother when he was only 5. You notice that he is really rough on his younger brother. All the neighborhood kids want to see a movie that you know contains some scenes of violence. The child insists on going because “all the kids are going”.

20. Risk, Confidentiality and the Community As adults, we need to anticipate hazards in our children’s lives and protect them from situations that will require a level of behavior or maturity beyond their abilities. Remember that children who have been abused or neglected may be at one age chronologically, but at a much different age emotionally, socially and sexually.

21. Allegations • Resource parents are sometimes accused of abusing the children in their care. Unfortunately, sometimes this is true. • In many circumstances, the child or another person makes an accusation that is not based on fact. • Knowledge, skills and teamwork are your best preventative tools and your best defense!

22. Allegations A child had been consistently sexually abused by her stepfather over a period of four years. The abuse always began with him pulling her onto his lap and tickling her. He would then pick her up and take her to the bedroom, telling the mom that he was putting her to bed and reading a story. In her bedroom, the child was sexually abused. As a result, when the resource father asks the child if she wants him to read her a story, she becomes hysterical. She then tells the social worker that the resource father tried to hurt her. In her mind, this is true.

23. Allegations A nine-year-old girl who was sexually abused by her mother’s boyfriend is placed with an adoptive mother who is single. The child tells her teacher that she likes to play “being married.” She says that she learned the game from her mother’s boyfriend. The child gives the teacher a graphic description of sexual intercourse. The teacher doesn’t realize that the child is talking about her situation with her birth mother and reports that this is occurring in her current home.

24. How to Protect Your Family • Be observant. All of the patterns of a child’s abuse may not be known. • Innocent and caring behaviors by the resource parent may be interpreted very differently by the child. • Behaviors that are appropriate with birth children may not be appropriate with children in foster care. • Efforts to protect children may lead teachers, social workers or others to ask questions that may seem intrusive and make you feel uncomfortable.

25. This material has been kind of scary and difficult to digest, so let’s take a quick break…

26. Imagine … Your son, who is away at college, calls you to say that he is in love and has just become engaged to the wonderful young woman he started dating three months ago. You are happy your son is so in love, but you have a lot of questions. What would you want to know?

27. You may want to know… • How did they meet? • Where is she from? • What kind of family does she come from? • Why are you doing this so soon? • How will you afford this? • Is there something else you want to tell me?

28. As adults and parents you know that… • Marriage is a big decision • It is a lifetime change • Even though you’ve never met this girl, you already have feelings about her • You may want to save your son and family any future heartaches

29. As Resource Parents, You Know… • Children in out-of-home placement have experienced tragedies of abuse/neglect and experienced loss and multiple placements • That these children should not be subjected to any more disruptions and your decision to become a resource parent is critical • You can’t say, “Well, let’s give this a try”… you need to be ready to make a commitment

30. Areas To Explore Prior To Placement • Physical health • Emotional health • Developmental issues • Education • Abuse/neglect and placement • Daily life/cultural issues • Parental/sibling situation • Legal status/permanent plan

31. Physical Health • General condition • Specific health problems • Medications • Allergies • Pediatrician’s name and location

32. Emotional Health • Overall functioning • Mental health diagnosis/medications • Coping style • Behavioral challenges • What’s worked and not worked in past • Child’s therapist/services currently in place for the child

33. Developmental Issues • Advances or delays (special needs or disabilities) • Sexual development • Behavioral concerns • Discipline issues

34. Education • Where child will attend school • Past attendance record • Grades • Status of Individual Education Plan (IEP) • History of in-school behavioral problems • Special help or assistance needed

35. Abuse/Neglect and Placement • Nature of the abuse or neglect • Perpetrator • When and where it occurred • How child is handling what has happened • Impact of abuse on child • Specific services in place to address abuse • Prior instances of abuse • History of any prior placements

36. Daily life/ cultural issues • Child’s activities or hobbies • Favorite foods • Daily schedule or routines • Grooming • Special hair or skin care • Need for clothing or other personal items • Native language • Religious practices • Cultural needs

37. Parental/Sibling Situation • Child’s reaction to separation • Family members involved • Visiting plan and schedule • Degree family is cooperating with services

38. Legal Status/Permanent Plan • Type of custody (usually legal custody through court-ordered placement) • Child’s permanent plan • Next court date • Contact information for child’s law guardian • Special legal problems (juvenile delinquency, truancy, probation)

39. Getting Ready for Annie to Arrive

40. Uncertainty … It Comes with the Territory • As resource parents, you need to be comfortable with a certain degree of uncertainty • All of the information you want will rarely be available when you want it • Children coming into care for emergency reasons usually come with little information • It may be up to you to find out the missing information

41. The Past is an Ingredient of the Present, But Not a Recipe for Future Behavior Changes in a child’s environment can result in new behaviors Example: A child who has never been aggressive may start acting aggressively toward other children in your family

42. Thinking Ahead • Resource families need to think about their strengths and needs, and their willingness to deal with different or unexpected situations • If you feel that your family could not deal with a child who may have been sexually abused, you need to consider whether fostering or adopting is right for your family • DYFS cannot guarantee that a child placed with you has not been sexually abused

43. Getting Ready for Annie to Arrive

44. Confidentiality • DYFS will share with you only what you need to know to care for the child • You are NOT to discuss the details of a child’s case with anyone who does not have a need to know • DYFS will respect your anonymity from the birth family • You cannot consent to public disclosure of a child’s personal information

45. Preparing for a Child’s PlacementWhat YOU May Need To Do … • Inform the school • Inform medical/dental providers • Inform extended family, friends and neighbors (as appropriate) • Have some basic supplies ready to meet the developmental needs of the child you are expecting to be placed with you • Understand the expectations of your employer

46. Routines • We can reduce much of life down to routines • Routines are not inherently good or bad, but different people will have different routines • Routines can be a part of culture • Routines become accepted by families and save them from endless negotiations about how to run life on a day-to-day basis

47. Change • Change can be difficult and may disrupt our normal, regular ways of doing things • Bringing a child into your family will almost certainly bring about change • Some changes will be immediate while others will occur over time.

48. Some Changes That Are Likely To Occur Immediately • Less privacy • Routines disrupted • Communication patterns • Schedules • Personal space • Family rules • Less free time

49. Activity: PRIDEBook Resource 8-D • 5AM to 9AM • 3PM to 7PM • 7PM to 11PM • Identify routines/tasks before placement • Identify how routines/tasks may change after placement

50. Some Changes That Are Likely To Occur Over Time • Relationships among family members, communication, decision making, problem solving • Some of these changes will be positive while others may be negative