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Take Control of Your Life In One Hour No Less

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Take Control of Your Life In One Hour No Less

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    1. Take Control of Your Life – In One Hour No Less! Grief from friends about the title of this presentation. Like all of you, struggle with “balance” issues. Can say I have had a long-term addiction to “wisdom literature” (and will credit many authors of the same today), and I’ve been amazed at how few lawyers use the same to deal with the stresses we all face. Very blessed – very fortunate. Like each of you, have dealt with serious problems – in my case, struggled as my oldest son has battled addiction issues. Grief from friends about the title of this presentation. Like all of you, struggle with “balance” issues. Can say I have had a long-term addiction to “wisdom literature” (and will credit many authors of the same today), and I’ve been amazed at how few lawyers use the same to deal with the stresses we all face. Very blessed – very fortunate. Like each of you, have dealt with serious problems – in my case, struggled as my oldest son has battled addiction issues.

    2. Who Am I? Kenny family picKenny family pic

    3. Yearbook

    4. James Madison U.

    5. Wm. & Mary Add grad [picAdd grad [pic

    6. Wedding

    7. Family

    8. Logos

    9. JLF Staff

    10. Things I Like

    11. Who Are We? Young lawyers – trying to build practices and not look like a buffoon, acquiring skills, establishing reputations, trying to balance work and personal obligations, often working 60+ hours a week Older lawyers – trying to hold onto clients, business, income, connections. Trying to fit 40 years of experience and know-how into a legal climate changing at the speed of light. Young lawyers – first five years of practice, we spend many of our days feeling like a total fraud. First couple of years of practice, largely clueless and painting by numbers – or maybe that was just me. Young lawyers – first five years of practice, we spend many of our days feeling like a total fraud. First couple of years of practice, largely clueless and painting by numbers – or maybe that was just me.

    12. Who Are We? The rest of us – watching life rush by. Often we feel as if we’re just past the “beginners” and we look up and realize we’ve been practicing for 10, 15, 20 years – wondering where all the time went, and if we’re willing and ready to spend another 20 years practicing law.

    13. What Are Our Challenges? Biggest challenge – how do we aspire to a life well-lived while practicing law? Families (spouses, children, parents) Relationships Businesses Clients Ethics/Professional Development Our own bodies (health, wellness) Our spiritual selves How many of you feel over-whelmed? How many of your experience guilt over what you feel is a failure to devote enough time to family and friends because of your workload? How many of you feel a sense of guilt over a failure to devote enough time to your personal well-being – to “sharpen the saw”? How many of you feel over-whelmed? How many of your experience guilt over what you feel is a failure to devote enough time to family and friends because of your workload? How many of you feel a sense of guilt over a failure to devote enough time to your personal well-being – to “sharpen the saw”?

    14. Risks? Burn-out and breakdowns Emotional and mental collapse Depression and despair Addiction and disease Jay? - use judgmentJay? - use judgment

    15. How serious are the risks? Lawyers and judges are: Three times more likely to be alcoholic. Three times more likely to be drug addicted. Three times more likely to be clinically depressed. Six times more likely to commit suicide. Female attorneys are three times more likely to quit the law as a profession; and five times more likely to take a lower stress, less remunerative, and less satisfying position just to survive. Source: Adrian Hill, Canadian Bar Association Legal Profession Assistance Conference (Health, Wellness and Recovery) Why? Several reasons – 1) constantly dealing with people in crisis mode – pain, economic stress, over-worked adjuster; 2) careers based on “winning and losing” – destroys collegiality in many instances; 3) ever increasing public expectation of our performances but ever lower public respect and tolerance/understanding; 4) sense of isolation, even within large firms; 5) “masking” – professional demeanor; hide our fears, disgust, confusion, boredom, ignorance; develop a tough exterior and repress our weaknesses; 6) lawyers are notorious for working excessive hours; 7) often have deteriorating social and family lives due to demands of our work. *DEPRESSED YET?Source: Adrian Hill, Canadian Bar Association Legal Profession Assistance Conference (Health, Wellness and Recovery) Why? Several reasons – 1) constantly dealing with people in crisis mode – pain, economic stress, over-worked adjuster; 2) careers based on “winning and losing” – destroys collegiality in many instances; 3) ever increasing public expectation of our performances but ever lower public respect and tolerance/understanding; 4) sense of isolation, even within large firms; 5) “masking” – professional demeanor; hide our fears, disgust, confusion, boredom, ignorance; develop a tough exterior and repress our weaknesses; 6) lawyers are notorious for working excessive hours; 7) often have deteriorating social and family lives due to demands of our work. *DEPRESSED YET?

    16. Diary

    17. How do we take back control of our lives? Rule #1 – understand that “time management” is as much of a misnomer as “jumbo shrimp”. None of us can change time – there will always be 24 hours in a day. Of course, the good news is that no one has any advantage on us in this regard. Our real focus should be on “life management.” Credit Steven Covey and his principle-based teachings for much of the success I’ve had in trying to balance various life commitments. Recommend “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and “First Things First” to anyone who is serious about attaining more control over their life. Imagine if we each got 25 hours a day – what would we each do with the other hour? (Other than sleeping). Among the options people often identify are spending more time with children and grandchildren; more community involvement; exercise; planning. REMEMBER – there will always be more to do than time to do it? Many of us have a “more time” list – things we’ll do when we have “more time”. Problem is that we’ll never have more time. But the good news – if you’ll commit to doing some the things we’ll cover today for 21 days, you will experience a marked increase in your personal and professional productivity – baby steps count! The balance you can create by properly focusing on your top priorities and the sense of accomplishment you will get from this will make you feel as if you had an extra hour each day. Credit Steven Covey and his principle-based teachings for much of the success I’ve had in trying to balance various life commitments. Recommend “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and “First Things First” to anyone who is serious about attaining more control over their life. Imagine if we each got 25 hours a day – what would we each do with the other hour? (Other than sleeping). Among the options people often identify are spending more time with children and grandchildren; more community involvement; exercise; planning. REMEMBER – there will always be more to do than time to do it? Many of us have a “more time” list – things we’ll do when we have “more time”. Problem is that we’ll never have more time. But the good news – if you’ll commit to doing some the things we’ll cover today for 21 days, you will experience a marked increase in your personal and professional productivity – baby steps count! The balance you can create by properly focusing on your top priorities and the sense of accomplishment you will get from this will make you feel as if you had an extra hour each day.

    18. What matters most to me? The answer will vary from person to person. Some possibilities: money, prestige, power, possessions, fame/attention, family, church, service to others, etc. None of these things are bad, in and of themselves, unless they become our master. All of them (including family, church, service) have the potential to become destructive forces in our lives. The goal is to live a richer and more satisfying life while having a sense of well-being/peace about who we are. What is a sense of well-being? Seen it defined as “deep down in the bones” good feeling about ourselves. What is a sense of well-being? Seen it defined as “deep down in the bones” good feeling about ourselves.

    19. The Four Time Quadrants I Crises Pressing Problems Deadline-driven projects II Prevention, PC activities Relationship building Recognizing new opportunities Planning, recreation Straight from Steven Covey – there are two key distinctions in the matrix – importance and urgency. Important things are ones which have consequences. Urgent things are those which are pressing and compelling, calling for immediate action. Urgent things feel like they have to be done. The time matrix helps us distinguish between these two concepts. Quadrant one – examples – system problems (computers go down), medical emergency, some phone calls. Quadrant three – some meetings, quadrant of deception. Quadrant four – time wasters – excessive TV, surfing the web, vegging – emphasis is on “excessive”. Quadrant TWO – quadrant of productivity and balance – planning, spending time with family, exercise are some examples. Straight from Steven Covey – there are two key distinctions in the matrix – importance and urgency. Important things are ones which have consequences. Urgent things are those which are pressing and compelling, calling for immediate action. Urgent things feel like they have to be done. The time matrix helps us distinguish between these two concepts. Quadrant one – examples – system problems (computers go down), medical emergency, some phone calls. Quadrant three – some meetings, quadrant of deception. Quadrant four – time wasters – excessive TV, surfing the web, vegging – emphasis is on “excessive”. Quadrant TWO – quadrant of productivity and balance – planning, spending time with family, exercise are some examples.

    20. Results of spending a lot of time in the various quadrants Quadrant 1 – we feel stressed and anxious, and it can lead to burn-out and health problems. We all have to spend time in this quadrant daily but if we’re in it constantly because of poor planning, it leads to burn-out. Quadrant 3 – we feel frustrated and stressed. This is even worse than Quadrant 1 because the activities are not important as they have no long-term impact. This leads to job dissatisfaction.

    21. Results of spending a lot of time in the various quadrants Quadrant 4 – we feel sluggish, depressed, slovenly. Excessive time in this quadrant leads to problems such as obesity and a feeling of worthlessness. Quadrant 2 – we feel accomplished, competent, and motivated. Long-term, this leads to success in every aspect of our life, especially in our important relationships.

    22. Identifying key roles What are the key roles you have in your life? Everyone has different roles – here are the roles I focus on: 1) Husband; 2) Father; 3) Lawyer; 4) Managing partner; 5) WC/SSD/MT teams, Injured Workers Advocates; 6) Community; 7) Personal; and 8) Sharpening the saw.

    23. Importance of weekly planning The best way to maximize time spent on Quadrant 2 activities is through weekly planning. Weekly planning provides much greater balance and context than daily planning, and you are still able to adapt and prioritize on a daily basis. Make it a habit – set aside a regular time each week to spend 30 minutes planning your week.

    24. The Weekly Compass For each of your roles, identify what you will work to accomplish during the following week. Be reasonable in the goals you set – try not to identify more than two or three big rocks for each role. For some roles, there may be no or only one targeted goal.

    25. Weekly Compass Example

    26. Compass 1

    27. Compass 2

    28. Compass 3

    29. Compass 4

    30. Compass 5

    31. Compass 6

    32. Compass 7

    33. Compass 8

    34. Daily Planning Take 5 to 10 minutes each day (the evening before or first thing in the morning) to plan your day, and to prioritize your daily tasks. Start with your appointments – you know you have to allocate time to the same. Try to limit your targeted daily tasks to six to eight tasks – if you have more than this, you’re not give your day sufficient thought. Once you have your tasks identified, rate them as an “A” (has to get done today), “B” (has to be done shortly), or “C” (your ‘want to’s’).

    35. Daily Planner Example

    36. The Master Task List We all need somewhere to capture our deadlines, obligations, tasks, and goal-related to do items. The master list should be reviewed at least weekly to help prioritize the week ahead but it also helps to review the master list at the beginning of each day. Example of a master task list.

    38. Life is not about completing your “to do” list. 25 tips for maintaining peace of mind in a hectic workplace. Confession – personally, would rate myself as being pretty good to pretty bad on each of these suggestions. However, 100% certain that I’m better on each aspect than I was 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years ago. The goal is constant improvement. Confession – personally, would rate myself as being pretty good to pretty bad on each of these suggestions. However, 100% certain that I’m better on each aspect than I was 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years ago. The goal is constant improvement.

    39. Make peace with imperfection. Nothing wrong with high standards – none of us are perfect (neither are our families; spouses; bosses; staff members. Remember that the goal is “excellence”, not “perfection.” (Cousin’s home – creepy). “Perfectionists” really aren’t focused on high standards – insecurity. 100% effort - cut yourself some slack. Nothing wrong with high standards – none of us are perfect (neither are our families; spouses; bosses; staff members. Remember that the goal is “excellence”, not “perfection.” (Cousin’s home – creepy). “Perfectionists” really aren’t focused on high standards – insecurity. 100% effort - cut yourself some slack.

    40. Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can’t be super-achievers. Very hard for lawyers, challenge for me. Lawyers I admire most – Marvin Infinger, Dawes Cook, Mike Eidson – sense of calm, quiet confidence. More importantly, my father (describe) – when you have inner peace, less distracted by wants and concerns. Mother Teresa quote. Very hard for lawyers, challenge for me. Lawyers I admire most – Marvin Infinger, Dawes Cook, Mike Eidson – sense of calm, quiet confidence. More importantly, my father (describe) – when you have inner peace, less distracted by wants and concerns. Mother Teresa quote.

    41. Remind yourself that when you die, your in-basket won’t be empty. “Never enough time to get it all done”; “hurry sickness.” Again, would stress the importance of weekly planning. The day you get it all done is the day to start worrying – a full in-basket is crucial to success. Also, when you die (and you will), someone else will get it done. “Never enough time to get it all done”; “hurry sickness.” Again, would stress the importance of weekly planning. The day you get it all done is the day to start worrying – a full in-basket is crucial to success. Also, when you die (and you will), someone else will get it done.

    42. Turn your melodrama into “mellow” drama. Melodrama fueled by our culture (reality TV, celebrity gossip magazines). People then incorporate it into their own lives. CLIENTS – for every lawyer, 95% of the headaches come from 5% of the clients – don’t get sucked into their melodrama. Melodrama fueled by our culture (reality TV, celebrity gossip magazines). People then incorporate it into their own lives. CLIENTS – for every lawyer, 95% of the headaches come from 5% of the clients – don’t get sucked into their melodrama.

    43. Don’t interrupt others, or finish their sentences. How many of us listen with the intent to respond? “OK, OK.” “Yeah, I hear you.” CLIENTS – 1) people want to feel heard; 2) want a client to listen to you, they need to feel listened to first (JLF – prompted status calls); 3) “problem” clients – don’t fuel the fire and they’ll talk themselves out (S Godfrey example). How many of us listen with the intent to respond? “OK, OK.” “Yeah, I hear you.” CLIENTS – 1) people want to feel heard; 2) want a client to listen to you, they need to feel listened to first (JLF – prompted status calls); 3) “problem” clients – don’t fuel the fire and they’ll talk themselves out (S Godfrey example).

    44. Do something nice for someone and don’t tell anyone about it. “Random acts of kindness”. “What’s our 1st instinct after we do something nice?” (tell someone – “look at me – such a great person.” OK to accept credit/accolades but every now and then, keep the good feeling to yourself – don’t dilute it. “Random acts of kindness”. “What’s our 1st instinct after we do something nice?” (tell someone – “look at me – such a great person.” OK to accept credit/accolades but every now and then, keep the good feeling to yourself – don’t dilute it.

    45. Be the first one to act loving or to reach out. Every one of us has a strained relationship – family, friend, co-worker. Many times, pride prevents us from making the first move (even parent/child). Make the first move. Worst thing – overture rejected but you will have a sense of peace – a) did what you could; b) may have planted a seed. Every one of us has a strained relationship – family, friend, co-worker. Many times, pride prevents us from making the first move (even parent/child). Make the first move. Worst thing – overture rejected but you will have a sense of peace – a) did what you could; b) may have planted a seed.

    46. Repeat to yourself – “Life isn’t an emergency.” Some people are “crisis” addicts – if there’s no ongoing crisis, they’ll invent one. Each of us will deal with true “crises” – how we do says a lot about who we are. BUT don’t create a crisis (“mountain out of a molehill”) for the sake of feeling important. Some people are “crisis” addicts – if there’s no ongoing crisis, they’ll invent one. Each of us will deal with true “crises” – how we do says a lot about who we are. BUT don’t create a crisis (“mountain out of a molehill”) for the sake of feeling important.

    47. Smile at strangers – look into their eyes and say hello. Most of us have very little eye contact with strangers – there is a direct correlations between our attitude toward strangers and our level of happiness. JLF – rule for inter-acting with every client – no exceptions. Do this everywhere – 1) it’s fun; 2) most people are good at heart – just like us. Most of us have very little eye contact with strangers – there is a direct correlations between our attitude toward strangers and our level of happiness. JLF – rule for inter-acting with every client – no exceptions. Do this everywhere – 1) it’s fun; 2) most people are good at heart – just like us.

    48. Choose your battles wisely. Ex. – legislative chairman for IWA – great relationships built but often feel like William Wallace in Braveheart. Can’t afford to fight to the death on every issue. Same rule applies to each of us – don’t turn every affront or slight into a “battle” – choose wisely. Ex. – legislative chairman for IWA – great relationships built but often feel like William Wallace in Braveheart. Can’t afford to fight to the death on every issue. Same rule applies to each of us – don’t turn every affront or slight into a “battle” – choose wisely.

    49. Choose being kind instead of being right. Not talking about disputed legal matter but about how we inter-act with others? Are you a “last word” person? Do you feel good after grabbing the “last word” or belittling someone else? (EX – my sister and I – 2008 presidential election – “what are we doing?”). Don’t need to be milk toast – times when we should stand up for beliefs. Not talking about disputed legal matter but about how we inter-act with others? Are you a “last word” person? Do you feel good after grabbing the “last word” or belittling someone else? (EX – my sister and I – 2008 presidential election – “what are we doing?”). Don’t need to be milk toast – times when we should stand up for beliefs.

    50. Every day, tell at least one person what you like, admire, or appreciate about them. How do you feel after you receive a sincere compliment? Many people hardly ever receive heart-felt compliments. It feels good and it doesn’t cost you a dime to give someone that same feeling. How do you feel after you receive a sincere compliment? Many people hardly ever receive heart-felt compliments. It feels good and it doesn’t cost you a dime to give someone that same feeling.

    51. See the glass is already broken, and everything else is too. Old Buddhist saying – much of our stress comes from the delusion that we (and our problems) will be here forever. Everything we see right now will be dust one day. Another Buddhist saying – “100 years from now, all new people.” Our own faith – “spiritual beings having a human experience”, not the reverse. Old Buddhist saying – much of our stress comes from the delusion that we (and our problems) will be here forever. Everything we see right now will be dust one day. Another Buddhist saying – “100 years from now, all new people.” Our own faith – “spiritual beings having a human experience”, not the reverse.

    52. Understand the statement, “wherever you go, there you are.” Think – how many say “I’ll be happy when…” – retire, have more $, lose 20 pounds, my kids are out of the house, & on & on. News flash – the one constant in your life is you – wherever you go, take yourself with you. Stop making happiness a contingency. John Lennon – “life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans.” Think – how many say “I’ll be happy when…” – retire, have more $, lose 20 pounds, my kids are out of the house, & on & on. News flash – the one constant in your life is you – wherever you go, take yourself with you. Stop making happiness a contingency. John Lennon – “life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans.”

    53. Be grateful when you’re feeling good, and graceful when you’re feeling low. We all have good days and bad days. Spooky if someone goes around singing zippyde-do-da all the time. Happiest people I’ve known – thankful during the good times, resilient when times are tough. During the “bad” times, avoid the “victim” role and realize that this too shall pass. We all have good days and bad days. Spooky if someone goes around singing zippyde-do-da all the time. Happiest people I’ve known – thankful during the good times, resilient when times are tough. During the “bad” times, avoid the “victim” role and realize that this too shall pass.

    54. Become a less aggressive driver.

    55. Read articles and books with entirely different points of view from your own, and try to learn something. Another challenge for me – pretty liberal guy politically (especially by SC standards – John McCain was pretty liberal by SC standards). Easy to read Harper’s & NY Times. Subscribed to “National Review”. Don’t be a ditto-head, regardless of your political beliefs. Another challenge for me – pretty liberal guy politically (especially by SC standards – John McCain was pretty liberal by SC standards). Easy to read Harper’s & NY Times. Subscribed to “National Review”. Don’t be a ditto-head, regardless of your political beliefs.

    56. Ask yourself, “will this matter in a year?” Grandmother gave me this advice (high school). Key to peace in our lives is “perspective” and maintaining a sense of gratitude. When we have problems or screw up, perspective is crucial. Some problems (cancer, divorce) do have long lasting ramifications – 99% of them (flat tire, broken computer) are trivial w/ long-term perspective.Grandmother gave me this advice (high school). Key to peace in our lives is “perspective” and maintaining a sense of gratitude. When we have problems or screw up, perspective is crucial. Some problems (cancer, divorce) do have long lasting ramifications – 99% of them (flat tire, broken computer) are trivial w/ long-term perspective.

    57. Surrender to the fact that life isn’t fair. Leslie Farrier – “fair week is in October.” No one promised life would be fair or easy. EVERY ONE of us has problems weighing on us (health issue, family issue, work issue). Again, avoid “victimization” and look around you – people with far worse problems. Focus on what you can control. Leslie Farrier – “fair week is in October.” No one promised life would be fair or easy. EVERY ONE of us has problems weighing on us (health issue, family issue, work issue). Again, avoid “victimization” and look around you – people with far worse problems. Focus on what you can control.

    58. Lower your tolerance to stress. “I’m under so much stress; juggling 1,000 balls; have a very high tolerance to stress” – we admire them. Must be important. FACT – amount of stress in your life will ALWAYS be equal to your tolerance to stress. Notice your stress earlier, remember what’s important. (Outlets – a) time in car; b) church; c) front porch/creek.)“I’m under so much stress; juggling 1,000 balls; have a very high tolerance to stress” – we admire them. Must be important. FACT – amount of stress in your life will ALWAYS be equal to your tolerance to stress. Notice your stress earlier, remember what’s important. (Outlets – a) time in car; b) church; c) front porch/creek.)

    59. Do one thing at a time. EX. – lady driving – eating, make-up, cell phone (JLF – “client makers”) Not only dangerous but ineffective. Key to peace – stay in the moment as much as you can. (A-1, A-2, etc.). Some days – “Tony Soprano” days – none of them get done but I never work on A-2 until A-1 is done. EX. – lady driving – eating, make-up, cell phone (JLF – “client makers”) Not only dangerous but ineffective. Key to peace – stay in the moment as much as you can. (A-1, A-2, etc.). Some days – “Tony Soprano” days – none of them get done but I never work on A-2 until A-1 is done.

    60. Count to 10. Rule for many of us who are parents. Works with our children, can work whenever we feel provoked. Measure (and delay) your responses. Especially important when it comes to e-mails. Rule for many of us who are parents. Works with our children, can work whenever we feel provoked. Measure (and delay) your responses. Especially important when it comes to e-mails.

    61. Be aware of the snow-ball effect of your thinking. Don’t self limit yourself – “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m too old”, etc. AND don’t unnecessarily expand your problems – “it will always be this way”; “I’m never going to get this done.” Don’t self limit yourself – “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m too old”, etc. AND don’t unnecessarily expand your problems – “it will always be this way”; “I’m never going to get this done.”

    62. Let others have the glory. Acknowledge inspirations/sources (Covey, Carlson, Robbins, Dyer). Another challenge for lawyers – bravado is part of our arsenal. “One upmanship” – accomplishments, trips. Next, try not to steal the thunder – “that’s great”, “tell me more.” Acknowledge inspirations/sources (Covey, Carlson, Robbins, Dyer). Another challenge for lawyers – bravado is part of our arsenal. “One upmanship” – accomplishments, trips. Next, try not to steal the thunder – “that’s great”, “tell me more.”

    63. Imagine yourself at your own funeral. 1st, know that it’s coming. FAMILY, friends, co-workers, other lawyers, judges, clients – how do you want to be remembered? People won’t remember the car you drive, the house you live in – decide what it will be. 1st, know that it’s coming. FAMILY, friends, co-workers, other lawyers, judges, clients – how do you want to be remembered? People won’t remember the car you drive, the house you live in – decide what it will be.

    64. Some Parting Tips When problems do occur, jump on them as soon as possible. Break big tasks down into smaller parts and get started. Don’t take on work you can’t or shouldn’t handle – get some help. (If you can), dump the 5% of your clients causing 95% of your headaches. Remember…if you can’t decide if it’s a good idea…you just decided it isn’t worth it.

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