Show! (Don’t Tell)

1. Show! (Don’t Tell) Descriptive writing (by Mrs. Folker with help from http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative/showing.htm and http://www.writedesignonline.com/assignments/shownottell.html )

2. Important Notice • "Showing" involves more than a long list of adjectives. • Sometimes students misinterpret what I mean by "showing."  They put all kinds of adjectives in their writing, describing everything from the color of the wallpaper to the shape of their own legs, regardless of whether such details actually advance the story. • The point of "showing" is not to drown the reader in a sea of details. Instead, you should pick out only those details that matter. • Does the detail help establish or intensify the mood? Does it define a character? Clarify an action?

3. Feel the Emotion • Writing is emotionally powerful when it engages the reader. Rather than classify and list all the emotions that you felt, use specific details that give the reader a reason to feel the emotions you want to express.

5. If I live for a thousand years, I'll never forget how utterly and terribly alone I felt after Fido died. I was so miserable that I thought I would die. Months and months went by, and it seemed that every little thing reminded me of him and made me wish things could be different. I don't know whether I am ever going to get over his death. While the author has added details, those details merely assist the telling -- they don't actually give the reader a reason to love Fido, and to suffer along with the writer.

6. Whenever puppies in the pet store window distracted me from the serious business of taking him for his walk, Fido snarled fiercely and pulled mightily at his leash yet he always forgave me instantly. Over the past few years he lost his hearing and his sight, but when he felt the leash click on his collar and smelled fresh air, he still tried to caper. He's been dead for three months now. This morning I filled his water bowl all the way to the top --just the way he likes it -- before I remembered. The author does not need to tell the reader "I loved Fido and I still haven't come to terms with his death," because the paragraph contains specific details that show the depths of the relationship.

7. Here is another example of SHOW versus TELL • Mostly Telling: From the way she behaved in the crowded restaurant, you could tell Sally was attracted to the cute stranger in the black shirt. She tried a few things to get his attention, and eventually she thought she succeeded. (The author wastes no time providing the information, but the story is very thin... nothing interesting seems to be happening.)

8. Mostly Showing: Bored by the conversation, Sally tossed her hair and laughed. That stranger had been scanning the room, and he noticed her this time. Wait -- was that a half smile? Had he just put his hand on his heart? Or was he just brushing something off of his shirt? Sally smiled. That shirt looked soft. "He's kind of cute," her roommate giggled. Sally casually looked away. "Oh, I don't know," she said, twirling a curl. She let her eyes rest on the artwork, the flowers, a random face in the crowd, and found another excuse to laugh. Carefully turning her profile, she crossed her legs the way she and her girlfriends had practiced in middle school. That ought to do it, she thought. (The reader is left to figure out what's going on... more engaging for a story -- there is tension, and even a bit of character development.)

9. Marty Wood (from the University of Wisconsin--Eau Claire) makes the following, extremely useful, distinction: a writer should show specific details that enable the reader to reach a particular conclusion. If the author connects all the dots and then announces the conclusion for the benefit of the reader, the writing is less engaging for the reader. Or, to put it another way, show smoke, and let the reader infer fire. An author who tries to show the fire (by presenting elaborate descriptions of the flames, the heat, the crackling sound, etc.) makes the fire itself the focal point, rather than the protagonist's discovery of the fire, the trauma faced by those trapped by the fire, etc.

10. The tornado came. I saw damage from the tornado. I was very, very scared. The tornado ruined our street. The winds roared out of the southwest about 3:00 p.m. and hit us hard. Along our street, all the houses are now missing either a roof or a front porch. A huge oak tree smashed down on four parked cars. Broken glass, tree limbs, and dangling electrical wires made moving on our street impossible. No one was seriously injured, although two people were taken to the clinic for cuts. Which SHOWS, which TELLS?

11. All the kids knew that Lucinda was the meanest kid in the third grade. She was prissy and cute; she wore bows in her hair and shiny black shoes, and she thought that meant she could get away with anything. She never exactly scared me -- but for some reason she would always go out of her way to torment me. I wasn't one of the "cool" kids, and the few kids I knew were just the guys I played chess with during recess -- they weren't really friends. Plus, I was clumsy. So I was a good target. I was so miserable and lonely, I could hardly face going to class each day. That little girl made my life a living hell. When she saw me, she stopped; her ponytail bobbed threateningly, and her eyes tracked me across the cafeteria. When the recess bell rang, I clutched my chess set and dashed to freedom, eager to win the daily tournament of outcasts. Of course, I tripped in front of the whole class. Tennis shoes and sandals stepped around me and over me as I scrambled after pawns and bishops. And there was Lucinda, waiting for me to notice her; she smiled, lifted her shiny patent-leather shoe, and slowly, carefully ground my white queen into the pavement. Which SHOWS, which TELLS?

12. Telling: The girls were excited. • Showing: Giggles and screams filled the arena. The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the anticipation of the event. They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here.

13. Telling: The room was vacant. • Showing: The door opened with a resounding echo that seemed to fill the house. Cob webs once attached flowed freely in the air as the open door brought light to a well worn floor. The light gave notice to the peeling paint on the walls and to the silhouettes once covered by pictures. The new air gave life to a stuffiness that entrapped the room. Faded and torn white sheets covered once new furniture now drowning in dust.

14. Telling: It was foggy. • Showing:The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panesThe yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panesLicked its tongue into the corners of the evening,Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,And seeing that it was a soft October night,Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.- excerpt from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot

15. Telling: The trees are bent over from the heavy ice. • Showing:When I see birches bend to left and rightAcross the lines of straighter darker trees,I like to think some boy's been swinging them.But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.As ice-storms do. Often you must have seen themLoaded with ice a sunny winter morningAfter a rain. They click upon themselvesAs the breeze rises, and turn many-coloredAs the stir cracks and crazes their enamel. (continued on next slide)

16. Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shellsShattering and avalanching on the snow-crustSuch heaps of broken glass to sweep awayYou'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,And they seem not to break; though once they are bowedSo low for long, they never right themselves:You may see their trunks arching in the woodsYears afterwards, trailing their leaves on the groundLike girls on hands and knees that throw their hair Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.- excerpt from "Birches" by Robert Frost

18. The pizza was delicious. • Steam rising up off the melted cheese made my mouth water. The first bite, my teeth sinking into the cheese through the tomato sauce and into the moist crust, made me chew and swallow rapidly. Even the cheese and tomato sauce, sticking to my fingertips, begged to be licked. • -by Bill Pangle

19. The morning was beautiful. • Behind the mountains, the sun peaked brightly, ready to start a new day. The blue sky remained silent yet showed signs of sadness. The wind whispered through the trees as the cheerful sun rose. The birds sang gently by my window as if they wanted to wake me up. (by Bill Pangle)

20. Expand these to showing paragraphs • I am nervous. • It was a day unlike any other day. • The sunset was beautiful. • The story hit a nerve. • Yesterday’s class was a blast. • My mother works very hard.

21. Share, anyone? • If you think that your paragraphs are wonderful, please feel free to share them with the class. • By hearing other people’s responses, we can all improve our writing!