Shepherding the Shepherd

Shepherding the Shepherd Challenges and Pitfalls Renewal Opportunities Looking Forward

Challenges • 1 Timothy • Ministry to those who don’t want it • Deceptions • Maintaining integrity

Let’s talk: • What are your greatest stressors (personal and professional)? • What were some of your expectations entering ministry? Now?

Reflect on these questions • What is your most consistent concern in ministry? • What is your most consistent personal concern? Worry? • What historical event (outside of your salvation) continues to shape you? • What are your greatest liabilities (hint: it’s not your weaknesses)

What is the GREATEST stressor pastors face? • Criticism/political pressures/leader conflicts • Legalism in the church • Counseling crises • Too much work, not enough help • Administrative duties • Finances • Sexual temptation • Family distress • Health • Loneliness • Spiritual dryness • The “fishbowl” • Boundary intrusions

And the answer is… • Unrealistic expectations by self and church (actual vs. ideal ministry duties) The shepherd must be able to give pastoral advice to any problem “under the sun,” get along with everyone, organize, manage, and ignite the passions of volunteers, preach well, and articulate his theological convictions • Common complaint: • “I do not know where my work starts or where it ends” • But… 84% of pastors believe their family should be healthier than others Stat from www.ellisonresearch.com

A recipe… • Expectations + stress + isolation = ? • tired, starving shepherds • Did you know… • Stress from lack of social support is more predictive than financial stress of negative mood and physical distress?

Observations about pastors • Rarely feel successful • Hate conflict • Feel lonely • Experience regular fantasies of escape • Have roller-coaster emotions • Love the Gospel but feel distant from it • Invalidate praise from others

Unrealistic expectations? • It shouldn’t be that hard to maintain a robust prayer life • I should be able to respond well to ministry challenges • I can be a good leader and family man at the same time • I can manage my own spiritual renewal by myself

Key expectation • A robust personal prayer life • Only 16% of pastors “very satisfied” • 30% “dissatisfied” • Only 9% “very satisfied” under age 45 but 30% of those age 60+ • Only 5% of Presbyterians “very satisfied” • Avg prayer time? 39 min. • 12 min. of requests, 8 min. listening, 7 min. thanksgiving, 7 min. praise, 5 min. confession • Presbyterians average 28 minutes in prayer From ellisonresearch.com 2005 survey of 868 Sr. pastors

Key expectation • Prepared for challenges • 40% of senior pastors say they are neither encouraged or discouraged to continue their education • 38% of evangelical churches have no budget for continued education • 46% report lack of support by church/denom. • Assumption: You have all you will ever need to minister well in a changing world • Corollary: You should be able to imbibe evil and not be unduly impacted See 2005 survey of 860 pastors at ellisonresearch.com

Rabbit trail: unique stress for missional church planters • Community minded missional church planters act as… • Sociologist, chaplain, preacher, development director, community leader, etc. • …but are measured by (and measure themselves by) old church planting models (financial independence, size, etc.)

Key expectation • Personal and family health • 71% of Sr. pastors are overweight by avg of 32 lbs • 9:10 get less sleep than national avg. • Though the vast majority rate their own family and marital health as very good • most admit to spending too little time with wife and kids AND report… • 1:4 of peers have child discipline problems • 1:5 of peers have significant marital discord • Overestimating one’s own health?

Key expectation • With God’s help I can handle the pressures by myself. Where do Senior pastors get their support? • 76% of time by self (personal prayer, study, thinking about it, resting) • 16% of time from family (spouse) • 8% of time from outside relationships • Note: only 7% would consider going to a counselor but 84% willing to refer a parishioner 2005 study by McMinn et al in Pastoral Psychology

Then why… • Do 40% of pastors prematurely leave pastoral ministry for good? • Compassion fatigue • Vision conflict

Another word for expectations • Hopes, interests, perceptions, concerns • Demands, “needs” • Fantasies, cultural fairytales

Signs that your expectations clash with reality… • Easily hurt, easily irritated by others, defensive about complaints • Temptation to use ministries for yourself • Feeling guilty/a failure most of the time • Prayer life absent or mechanical • Can’t recall the last time you sought renewal • Not living what you teach • Mentally weary most of the time

Dangers • Introspective OR Ruminative? • What are your “if onlys”? • Motivated worker OR Ignoring limits? • Visionary OR Inflexible? • Honest OR Hopeless?

Summary • The stressors are real but expectationsand isolation may be the biggest culprit • You can’t help but enter ministry with expectations • They will be shattered! • They also reveal what we desire, want, long for…AND therefore work for! • Churches focus on the “doing” but forget the “being” • Danger: starved shepherds try to feed their sheep but suffer from many things, including, • Spiritual lethargy, conflict/control struggles, and over-commitment problems

Starving people tend to eat… • Wherever they find food • Control? • Escapism? • Perfectionism/Performance? • 37% of pastors report current struggle with pornography

Poor coping with stress leads to… • Doing the thing in front of me without thinking • Impulsive decisions made to reduce stress? • Squeezing out soul-care time • Pity-parties/escapist fantasy • Self-deception • Double-life? • Power grabs

Let’s talk: Your responses? • Doing more and more? Can you say No? • Distancing from others? People pleasing? • Success fantasies? Failure? • Food? Drink? Sex? • TV/Internet? • “Cultural engagement?” • Over-control? Rumination?

The pastor’s fantasy? Worldliness is not the trap that most endangers us as Christian workers; nor is it sin. The trap we fall into is extravagantly desiring spiritual success; that is, success measured by, and patterned after, the form set by this religious age in which we now live.

Chambers, continued ….Unless the worker lives a life that “is hidden with Christ in God,” he is apt to become an irritating dictator to others, instead of an active, living disciple. Many of us are dictators, dictating our desires to individuals and to groups. Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, April 24

Group Discussion • What expectations do you struggle against? What leaves you the most discouraged? • In your church? In your personal life? • Isolation? Inordinate time demands? Unrealistic expectations? Loneliness? Spiritual dryness? • What is the dominant script in your head? • If onlys; What ifs; Should-coulda… • What habits (responses) do you have that need attention?

A Gospel response to stress and thwarted expectations Renewal Opportunities

Bishop Moule Take care that no pre-occupation with things pastoral allows you to forget the supreme need of drawing out of Christ’s fullness, and out of the treasures of His Word, for your own soul and life, as if that were the one and solitary soul and life in existence.

Do you agree? • Pastors often lack a strong spiritual vision for their own formation amidst conflicting priorities • Chandler, “Pastoral Burnout…” Pastoral Psychology, 2009

Hebrews 12 on Renewal • Hebrews 12:3: “Consider Him…so you will not grow weary and lose heart.” “What a strange cure for mental weariness….I should have expected an invitation to mental rest….The weariness of the body is cured by slumber; but the weariness of the mind can be cured only by stimulus.” George Matheson, Leaves for Quiet Hours, p. 141

Consider • Be mindful not to rob God (Mal 3) by forgetting • God’s creative work around you (Ps. 8) • His kindness and sternness (Rom. 11) • Your stones of remembrance (1 Sam 7) • His Word (some 56% of pastors report only reading the bible for sermon/teaching prep) • It takes practice and discipline to reorient our life around considering rather than accomplishments

Where should you focus? • Being fed the right food (renewal) • Being human (accepting limits) • Being known (accountability)

Renewal Choices? What do you do for renewal? What should you be doing?

Three Essential practices • Spiritual renewal practices • Rest-taking practices • Support system practices • Hands & Fehr. Spiritual Wholeness for Clergy (1993)

Thesis One: • The missional leader establishes consistent self-reflection and self-care in order to avoid being an impediment to the mission of God

Private efforts • Some of the lesser used efforts • Watchfulness • Silence

Reflections include • Remembrance (What is God up to in the world? In my life?) • Reality (What do I really believe? Who am I when no one sees?) • Repentance (Making private and public life match) • Repetition (Daily submission to this process)

Moule: Solitude will not by itself, if I judge rightly, help him to secret intercourse with God. A feeling of solitude, under most circumstances, much more tends, by itself, to drive a man unhealthily inward, in unprofitable questionings and broodings, or in still less happy exercises of thought. Or it drives him unhealthily outward, quickening the wish for mere stimulants and excitements of mind and interest.

Thesis Two: • The continuous demands of ministry (along with criticism and self-doubt) make it difficult to reflect, evaluate, and receive shepherding without the help of others

To Timothy from his mentor • Remember (ch. 1) • Act (ch. 2-3) • Be wary (ch. 4-6)

Question • What discipling have you received this year? (2010) • What efforts have you made? • What barriers do you face? • Question: Does anyone know you enough to disciple you?

2 solutions to isolation • Spiritual Care Teams • Professional Renewal strategies

Spiritual Care Team • A team of wise prayer warriors not unwilling to wade into your life to act as shepherd and friend • SCTs function as your support, accountability, worship leader, and advisor

Picking your SCT • Who is able AND willing to give their time to you on a monthly basis? • Who is spiritually mature enough to listen and speak at the right times? • Both sexes should be involved. None should report to you or be family members • Can’t find anyone?

How the SCT should function • Meet to pray and worship • Meet with you to develop a sense of the issues and concerns: What questions, areas of concern, areas of joy, etc. • Follow-up with your schedule, your family, etc. • Meet with your family

Questions to ask? • Content of concerns and ruminations • Where did you see God at work in your life? • Temptations? • What needs to be removed from your schedule? Added?

SCTs fail when… • You aren’t honest with them • They are too enamored with your position • They are too enamored with their own advice or legalistic • It functions like a committee instead of care team • Prayer is an afterthought

Professional Care? • Should you pay for spiritual care? • Barriers in you and your church • Benefits? • Drawbacks? • 1,000 dollar budget line? • Spiritual direction • Preventive counseling

We are the Lord’s Ministers; we have a cure and charge of souls as the unordained Christian has not; and let us remember it, humbly and reverently. But also we are, all the while, sheep of the flock… Bishop Handley Moule, To My Younger Brethren

Group Discussions • What hinders us from building spiritual care teams • External? Internal? • What renewal opportunities are available to me that I need to start using? • Daily? Sabbatical? Educational? • Group? Discipleship? • What family renewal opportunities do I need?

Looking Forward Thought life Accepting limits Family

Shepherding the Shepherd