Writing a research proposal in a clear and succinct style

1. Writing a research proposal in a clear and succinct style Science Research Preparation & Science Research Workshop February 7, 2012 Dr. Lisa Del Torto and Dr. Penny Hirsch The Writing Program Northwestern University

2. Who do we have here today? • Freshmen? Sophomores? Juniors? • SRP/Bioscientist? SRW? • Bio? BME? Chem? Mat Sci? Other fields? • How many of you have a full draft of all proposal sections? • How many of you LOVE writing?

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4. AGENDA • Discussion of process, tips, strategies • Guided workshop with peers and facilitators

5. Proposal writing is a recursive process: Where are you? planning/ getting material/ drafting Stage One writing & organizing getting feedback rewriting/ reorganizing revising for style & final editing Stage Two

6. If you revise in stages . . . Stage One Work on content & organization first: paragraph structure & development Stage Two Work on sentences, word choice, & tone later: final editing

7. Think of getting feedback as a 2-step but reciprocal process getting feedback on content & organization on sentences & paragraphs Today’s focus: Step 2 Revising sentences & paragraphs

8. One key challenge across stages:Writing for a varied audience • Who will be on your reviewing committee? • 3-5 people • Specialists and generalists • What does that imply for your writing?

9. What will your readers want? • Substantive content • clear purpose • knowledge of the field • evidence to back up your claims • Etc. (see the proposal template) • Organization that makes key information easy to find • Sentences that are precise and easy to read • Professionalism and seriousness – as shown through: • appropriate grammar • correct punctuation • neat appearance • correct citations

10. Let’s look at examples: How previous SRW students revised sentences • It is known that chromatin is not distributed randomly within a cell, but instead is carefully organized within the nucleus. • Chromatin is organized within the nucleus of a cell. Chromosomes can occupy distinct territories in the nucleoplasm, with little interaction between these compartments. However, . . . Topic sentence in lit review from a paragraph in version 1 Sentences starting the same paragraph - from version 5

11. Let’s look at examples: How previous SRW students revised sentences • This project will be an immense help in my pursuit of a career in research, either by obtaining a PhD in Biology or a PhD/MD. I plan . . . • After graduating next spring, I hope to pursue a Ph.D. in Biology. During my last summer at Northwestern, I want to lay the groundwork for . . . Sentence from the conclusion - version 1 Revised sentence - from version 5

12. Let’s look at examples: How previous SRW students revised sentences • The Solid Oxide Fuel Cell (SOFC) is a clean energy technology which is just beginning to be commercialized. • The Solid Oxide Fuel Cell (SOFC) is a clean energy technology that is on the cusp of commercialization. Sentence from an introduction- version 1 Revised sentence - from version 5

13. Let’s look at examples: How previous SRW students revised sentences • Literature has reported that IL-15* has a role in differentiation and maintenance of SLECs** while being ineffective in maintaining MPECs** in the long term.4 *Interleukin-15 – a substance responsible for part of an important interaction **Short lived effector cells and Memory precursor effector cells • IL-15* plays a role in differentiating and maintaining SLECs** but not in maintaining MPECs** over the long term.4 Sentence from a lit review about MS - version 1 Revised sentence

14. Revising for conciseness & clarity in sentences: Four techniques • Avoid wordy phrases • come in contact with forcontacts • serves the function of being for is • in view of the fact that for because • in the majority of instances for usually • Avoid redundant phrases • alternative choices (sayalternatives) • rectangular in shape (say rectangular) • proves conclusively (sayproves) • Avoid “stretcher openings” – “It is,”“There are” • Instead of: “It is essential that the lens be cleaned at frequent intervals” • Say,“Clean the lens every ten or twelve minutes.” • Look for nouns that you can turn into verbs • Instead of: “An analysis of the data will be made when . . . “ • Say, “We will analyze the data when . . . “

15. Guidelines for revising paragraphs for focus & coherence • Start every paragraph with its main idea, the topic sentence • Include only details that relate to the topic sentence • Begin sentences with terms and ideas you’ve already mentioned in the paragraph, and keep related ideas together • Use transitional words and phrases to connect ideas; they make reading easier • In addition, moreover, also, furthermore • However, but, in contrast, nevertheless • For example • Use demonstrative pronouns – this, that, these – to tie a new idea to a previously mentioned noun

16. Example: Can you clarify the focus of this paragraph by revising the opening? • Using coordinated eye movements to search one’s environment is a skill that humans utilize on a daily basis whether finding keys hidden in one’s purse or searching for a location on a city map. Saccades are an important function because they allow one to position a point of interest in the center of the fovea which in turn allows for the best visual acuity. Furthermore, saccades prove most effective when they follow a planed and organized sequence (Aivar et al. 2005; Findlay and Brown 2006; Aingale and Kowler 1987). Various diseases such as Parkinson’s can damage one’s ability to generate normal saccades, and therefore better understanding the mechanisms behind sensorimotor integration may help to diagnose and cure these diseases. Past studies have established that the frontal eye field (FEF) helps to plan saccades and show predictive planning activity for the second saccade in a sequence occurs during the fixation period (Goldberg and Segraves, 2010). . . . Thus, the aim of this experiment is to further measure and examine the predictive activity occurring in the Frontal Eye Field

17. Example: clear focus, but hard to move from one sentence to the next • Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an autoimmune disease that causes demyleination of nerve cells and subsequent ineffectiveness in propagating nerve impulses throughout the body. Theiler’s murine encephalomyelitis virus (TMEV) is a mouse model of multiple sclerosis. Mice with this demyleinating disease have a higher CD8+ T cell count in the acute phase of the disease than resistant mice, showing that CD8+ T cells are the product of an effector response to the virus.1 Interleukin-15 (IL-15) is a cytokine that directly effects production of CD8+ cells, and it is required for CD8+ T cell proliferation and accumulation.2 Mice with TMEV-induced demyleinating disease also have a higher T regulatory (Trig) cell count in the acute phase, which suppress CD8+ cell function in an attempt to maintain bodily homeostasis and subsequently causes earlier onset of TMEV symptoms. The mechanism for the interaction of IL-15 and T regulatory cells in CD8+ T cell function is not known.

18. Revision: For coherence, start sentences with “familiar” information • Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an autoimmune disease that causes demyleination of nerve cells and subsequent ineffectiveness in propagating nerve impulses throughout the body. A mouse model of multiple sclerosis is Theiler’s murine encephalomyelitis virus (TMEV). Mice with this demyleinating disease have a higher CD8+ T cell count in the acute phase of the disease than resistant mice, showing that CD8+ T cells are produced by an effector response to the virus.1But CD8+T cells require a cykotine, Interleukin-15 (IL-15) for their production. Without IL-15, CD8+T cells cannot proliferate and accumulate.2In addition, the CD8+T cell function in mice with TMEV-induced demyleinating disease is also suppressed by the higher T regulatory (Trig) cell count in these mice in the acute phase. These regulatory cells are attempting to maintain bodily homeostasis but subsequently cause the earlier onset of TMEV symptoms. What is not understood is the mechanism for the interaction of IL-15 and T regulatory cells in the CD8+ T cell function.

19. How to start your revisions • Take a concept from your lab and define it so a general reader can understand what the lab does and why. • Take a long sentence and divide it into two. • Read just the beginnings of your paragraphs; are you highlighting main ideas? • Look for words you can eliminate • “Hyperbolic” adverbs: unbelievably, incredibly, extremely • Unnecessary qualifiers: very, truly, really • Look for vague words that need to be made precise: about 10 grams • Correct common usage errors • Affects vs effects • Amount vs number • Because vs as • Data is. . . vs. Data are . . . • Compliment vs. complement

20. Where to go for additional help • The Writing Place: Northwestern University’s peer tutoring center • Main location: In the University Library • You can make appointments online • www.writing.northwestern.edu • NuWrite: Northwestern’s new online writing resources • http://nuwrite.northwestern.edu/ • Good material on proposal writing style – use the search box • Purdue’s Online Writing Lab – the Purdue OWL • http://owl.english.purdue.edu/ • Use their search box to look for topics, such as “conciseness

21. Workshop • What you’ll need: • Hard copies of proposals (your own + 2 others) • Peer review handout • Hard copy of select slides • Groups of 5 + facilitator • Drs. Swarat & Del Torto will circulate and give pointers

22. Workshop: Process Step 1: Read and comment on two peers’ proposals (10 mins) • Focus on conciseness, clarity, focus, coherence. • Use peer review handout and mark up the proposal itself. • Write comments on both peers’ proposals during this time. Step 2: Discuss each proposal in group of 5 (40 mins) • Discuss each proposal in turn, i.e. discuss all comments for one writer before you move on to the next. • Start your discussion with what the writer has done well. • Discuss improvements and point to specific pieces of text. • Distribute written comments only after the workshop is over.

23. Workshop: Process Step 3: Reflection and next steps (2-3 mins) • Write down 2-3 most useful suggestions, tips, and/or strategies you got from this workshop. • Specify the changes you’ll make to your proposal in light of those suggestions, tips, and/or strategies.