Marriage…

1. Marriage… Communication and Sex

2. Marriage…Communication and Sex Marriage Pyramid Problem level… Relational Skills Level WORSHIP LEVEL

3. Marriage…Communication and Sex 3 models of communication: • Action • Interaction • Transaction

4. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:25-32 is a good passage on communication. There are good points on communication. For context, need to consider verses 17-24.

5. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:17-24 • Darkened in their understanding • Separated from the life of God • Ignorant from hard hearts • Callous • Lusting for more impurity • New attitude of mind • Taught in Christ • New self created to be like God • Righteous • Holy

6. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:15ff Speaking the truth in love, while reflecting a changed heart, should help move a person from the old self to the new self (i.e., sanctification)!

7. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:25-32 Principle #1: speak the truthin love This is different from refraining from lying.

8. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:25-32 Principle #1: speak the truthin love Violations to Principle #1: • Double bind • Backdoor communications • Sneak attack

9. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:25-32 Principle #2: stay current • Deal with your anger. • Bitterness = Anger + Time • Check out Psalm 4:4ff, Paul quotes this verse.

10. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:25-32 Principle #3: No unwholesome talk • Wholesome talk builds up a person. It addresses the issues. It doesn’t attack the person, but the problem. • Examples of unwholesome talk • Exaggerations • Using trait names • Hitting below the belt • Assuming the other’s motives

11. Marriage…Communication and Sex Eph 4:25-32 Principle #4: Don’t be ruled by anger; speak words of confession and forgiveness. • People don’t like to confess and ask for forgiveness. • This reveals a belief that there is no real solution to sin except to try harder. • When a person confesses and ask for forgiveness, then we should forgive the person and not make them work their way back.

12. Marriage…Communication and Sex Review on sex… • God designed sex to be engaged within marriage. • Sexuality was designed by Christ as a way to know God more fully (Eze. 16:13-16, 32-33, 35-37; Eph. 5:25-27) • [Note: not in a Pagan sort of way!] • Knowing Christ more fully in all of his infinite supremacy is designed as a way of guarding and guiding our sexuality.

13. Marriage…Communication and Sex Some guiding thoughts on sex… • Any and all pleasure need to be subordinate to the pleasure in God. • “That which is not desired as a Means to some Higher end, is desired as our ultimate end itself (in that act). But God only is man’s lawful ultimate end.” -- Richard Baxter • Sex is designed to be a pointer to God, not a substitute for God. • Sex is also the physical sign of the marriage covenant.

14. Marriage…Communication and Sex Typical Progression of Physical Intimacy Non-Christian Sexual Intercourse “Typical” Christian No Physical Intimacy No Commitment Engaged Married

15. Marriage…Communication and Sex Biblical Progression of Physical Intimacy Sexual Intercourse No Physical Intimacy No Commitment Engaged Married

16. Marriage…Communication and Sex Some guiding thoughts on sex… • Ultimately, sex is a spiritual act and not just physical • It always involve the spirit of man working together with the will of God, communing with the Holy Spirit, or • The spirit of man in rebellion against God, pushing the Holy Spirit away.