Interpersonal Conversations

1. Interpersonal Conversations Class 1

2. Administrative • Give quiz • Return previous quiz at the end of class • Any questions about assignments, where we are, etc.? • Making up quizzes? • Critiques?

3. Review • The Ugli Orange Negotiation • The Disgruntled Airline Passenger • The Good News • Sources of Conflict • Memorize these

4. Today • Illustrations of Sources of Conflict • Sources of Conflict in 12 Angry Men • The Super Bowl Dispute

5. I. Illustrations of Sources of Conflict • Roles • Perceptions • Knowledge/Information • Tastes/Style • Values/Beliefs • Interests

6. II. Sources of Conflict in 12 Angry Men? • How many of our six sources of conflict can you find? • Provide examples

7. III. The Super Bowl Dispute • Read the material • What is the source of conflict here? • What do you think of this example of conflict resolution? • Why is it a problem if she got what she wanted? • How else might this have been handled?

8. Next Time • Continue our discussion of interpersonal conversations

9. Interpersonal Conversations Class 2

10. Administrative • Have Quizzes to return at end of class • Collect Critiques • Submit them electronically as well

11. Review • Illustrations of sources of conflict • Sources of Conflict in 12 Angry Men • The Super Bowl Dispute

12. Today • Arguments • Intent and Impact • Blame and Contributions • Emotions and Being Emotional

13. I. Arguments • Why do we argue? • Is there anything wrong with arguing? • An alternative approach

14. II. Intent and Impact • What do SPH tell us about intentions and what we know about the intentions of the other person? • What to SPH tell us about explaining that our intentions are good? • Impact does not imply intent!

15. III. Blame and Contributions • Blame versus Contributions • Problems with blame? • Prevents understanding • Hinders problem solving • Contribution

16. III. Blame and Contributions • Misconceptions • I should focus only on my own contributions • Focusing on contribution means ignoring my feelings • Hard to spot contributions • Avoiding until now • Being unapproachable • Intersections • Problematic role assumptions • How can you identify your own contributions?

17. IV. Emotions and Being Emotional • Why are people emotional in difficult conversations? • Confusion of expressing emotions and being emotional

18. Next Time • Continue our discussion of interpersonal conversations

19. Interpersonal Conversations Class 3

20. Administrative • Give Quiz • Return critiques at the end of class

21. Review • Why we argue (and how we can discuss instead) • Intent and Impact • Blame and Contribution • Expressing Emotions and Being Emotional

22. Today • Being Wrong • Being Right • Getting Angry • Gemstones’ Family Vacation

23. I. Being Wrong • Why are we so reluctant to be wrong? • What are the consequences when we can’t be wrong? • Is there another way?

24. II. Being Right • Why do we like to be right so much? • What are the consequences when we believe we are right? • Is there another way?

25. III. Getting Angry • Why do we get angry in our conversations? • What are the consequences of getting angry?

26. IV. The Gemstones Family Vacation • Distribute Materials • Read the Materials • Break up into pairs • Solve the problem (15 minutes) • Write down the solution

27. Next Time • Continue with Interpersonal Conversations

28. Interpersonal Conversations Class 4

29. Administrative • Return Quiz • Present journals and collect them at end of class

30. Review • Being Wrong • Being Right • Getting Angry • The Gemstone’s Family Vacation

31. Today • Not having the conversation • What can the conversation accomplish? • How can you engage the other person?

32. I. Not Having the Conversation • When does it make more sense not to have the conversation? • When it is really your problem • When you can change the situation on your own • When you can’t accomplish anything by talking • When you don’t have the time • When your mood won’t allow you to listen

33. II. What Can the Conversation Accomplish? • You can learn how they see things (and they can learn how you see them) • You can express the impact the situation has on you (and so can they) • You can engage their help in solving the problem

34. III. How Can You Engage the Other Person • Listen • Acknowledge your contribution • Genuinely seek to understand how this looks to them • Understand your limits

35. Next Time • Continue our discussion of interpersonal conversations

36. Interpersonal Conversations Class 5

37. Administrative • Give quiz • Return journals at end of class • Schedule the mid-term examination – week of Feb. 25 and 27 classes

38. Review • Should I have the conversation? • What is the purpose of the conversation? • How can I engage the other person is a productive learning conversation?

39. Today • Speaking Clearly • Problem Solving • Listening

40. I. Speaking Clearly • Don’t make them guess • Especially common in personal and particularly romantic relationships • Using subtext • Easing in

41. I. Speaking Clearly • Don’t present your conclusions as truth • Overstatement

42. II. Problem-Solving • Reframing • Statements asserting truth • Accusations • Blame • Judgements

43. III. Listening • Persistence about listening • How does this sound? • Why is this important?

44. Next Time • We’ll finish the topic of interpersonal conversations

45. Interpersonal Conversations Class 6

46. Administrative • Return quizzes at the end of class • Collect critiques now • Any questions about where we are or what we are doing?

47. Review • Speaking Clearly • Problem Solving • Listening

48. Today • If They Won’t Play • Problem Solving (Again) • Pat’s Curfew

49. I. If They Won’t Play • Nothing will always work • Discuss the dynamic • Advantages • Risks • When to use this approach

50. II. Problem Solving (Again) • You don’t have to agree • Gather information • Invent options • Ask what standards should apply • What are your alternatives if no agreement is reached?