The battered mother ’ s dilemma

The battered mother’s dilemma Evan Stark, Ph.D, MSW Rutgers University-Newark the italian woman henri matisse

Goals Recognize the gap between how women and children experience abuse and how it is understood Reframe woman battering as Coercive Control Apply to child welfare 2

Ms. Nicholson Charged with “neglect” though the couple was separated her son was in school her daughter asleep,

New York City Child Protection • Child’s exposure per se neglectful • Danger so high, no court order before removal • When there is “ambiguity,” REMOVE

Judge Jack Weinstein • It is unconstitutional for CPS to charge a non-offending parent with neglect and remove a child solely because she was a victim of domestic violence

Appellate Decision • Domestic Violence is not presumptively neglectful

Background to Nicholson • Overlap of DV and CA • New Understanding of DV • New Knowledge about Resilience and the dynamics of abuse

History of DV Interventions • REFUGE/SHELTER MOVEMENT • The Legal Revolution • CPS Reform • Presumptive Custody Statutes • Cultural Change

The Revolution has Stalled no one goes to jail BIPs Make Little Difference Presumptive Custody may be backfiring CPS is punitive

U.S. INTIMATE PARTNER HOMICIDE RATE DECLINE 1976-2000FBI (SHR, 1976-2000) FEMALE MALE

THE DE-GENDERED MODEL Incident Based Violence Focused Calculus of Harms Intimate Relationships Economy of Victim/Perpetrator - doesn’t fit women’s experience -

IS DV ABOUT SEVERE INJURY?

Women and Children’s Reality “Ongoing” Cumulative effect Multiple tactics Crosses Social Space “Help” often makes things worse “Violence isn’t the worst part.”

When Abused is Viewed through the De-gendered Framework: Abuse is Trivialized No one goes to jail No injury, no crime Abuse is only recognized when violence is severe Victim fears appear exaggerated Victims themselves minimize

In the absence of compelling evidence of physical injury..... • Fear • Persistence • Protective Tactics • Documentation • Witness Intimidation • Paranoia • Uncooperative • PAS • Obsession • Exaggeration

Health Consequences Alcohol Abuse Drug Abuse Suicide Attempts Mental Illness Child Abuse Homelessness HIV

Cause or Effect?

Why do psychologically normal women become entrapped in abusive relationships and develop a dramatic health profile seen among no other population of assault victims?

TYPOLOGY OF ABUSE • FIGHTS • PARTNER ASSAULT • COERCIVE CONTROL

COERCIVE CONTROL • Coercive Control is a strategy for retaining gender as the basis for privilege, personhood, autonomy, and liberty in a world where sex discrimination is largely obsolete.

Coercive Control • Assault • Intimidation • Isolation • Control 10

DEGRADATION • ritual enactments associated with sex, bodily functions or obedience • TARGET AREAS OF GENDER IDENTITY FROM WHICH PARTNERS GET THEIR SELF-RESPECT, ESTEEM AND POWER • Link to Ownership

CONTROL what to cook no friends when to sleep no personal money what to wear no transportation when to have sex no contraceptives

Targets Women’s Default Roles • Homemaker • Sexual Partner • Mother • “Wife”

Control Prevalence US/GB • Took her Money (.54) • Monitored Time (.85) (.66) • Kept from Medical Care (.29) (.22) • Did Not Allow to Go to School (.62) (.52) • No Socializing with Friends (.79) (.71) • Kept from Seeing Family (.60) (.50) • Restricted Car Use (.54) (.31) • Can’t Leave House (.62) (.47) • Threatened to Take Children (.44) (.40) • Did Not Allow to Work (.34) (.40) • Tried to Make Crazy (.89) (.75) Sources: Tolman,l989; Rees, Agnew-Davies & Barkham, 2006; Buzawa et al. l999

Why does she stay? She Doesn’t Separation is dangerous Ending abuse as a process She loves him and/or thinks the children need him No resources

Why does HE Stay? Privileges & Ownership Exploitation (work, money, sex) Dependency Fear of being alone (‘abandonment anxiety) “Doing Masculinity.” BECAUSE HE CAN

Coercive Control • Harms to Liberty • Harms to Equality • Harms to Physical Security • Harms to Personhood • Harms to Family • Harms to Citizenship • Harms to Community and Economy

Children’s exposure • Visual- as “eyewitness” • Audio- hearing the violence • Tool of Perpetrator - used in event • Aftermath- the impact of violence and male dominance

Woman’s Resiliency • “Ordinary magic”– competence in the face of adversity • Mothering through domestic violence • 98% Emotionally available to children • 9l% …..Appropriate Discipline

Within the CPS caseload • Compared to Non-battered Women, battered women are: • Half as likely to abuse drugs (20% v. 11%) • Half as likely to abuse Alcohol & drugs

Battered Mother Few Problems in Childhood Few Secondary Problems Not Battered Multi-Problem Childhood “Overwhelmed” with problems ABUSE vs. NEGLECT

Children’s Resiliency……. • Only l child in 40 requires medical attention or merits charge of risk of injury • Most children exposed to dv have no mental health or behavioral effects (60-75%)

Risk of exposure vs. Trauma of removal • Children from dv homes may be more vulnerable to removal trauma • Foster care system has risk of abuse and disruption of contacts (5% v. 2%) • Woman is isolated: battering may escalate

The battered mother’s dilemma: The abuser’s strategy • Caught between protecting child and being hurt • Ongoing facet of abusive relationships • An explanation for why women may hurt or neglect their children

Child Abuse as Tangential spouse Abuse…. • When the batterer hurts, intimidates, isolates or controls the child to hurt/control/isolate or intimidate the mother

Coercively Controlling Male Partner Life on Three Planets Domestic Violence: Criminal Charges; TRO- CRIMINAL COURT Planet I Mother Failing to Protect Child Protection Planet 3 Contact & Custody FAMILY COURT Planet 2 Adapted from Radford & Hester, 2006 ‘Good Enough’ Father

The battered mother’s dilemma “if I don’t do something, my child and I will be hurt” “If I report, my child will be removed and I will be hurt. To keep my child, I have to keep the secret.” “If I do what family court wants, I put myself and my child at risk. If I don’t, I lose my child.” “If I do what child welfare wants, I put myself and my child at risk.”

Tangential Spouse Abuse When the court, police, health or child welfare system uses the child as a way to harm or control the parent

Reframing in the context of CC • Explore Multiple Sources of Abuse • Build a Narrative of Oppression • Reframe Client as Woman with Constrained Options • Reframe FEAR as a Reasonable Response to Multiple Constraints

PRINCIPLES OF ADVOCACY • END UNCONSTITUTIONAL PRACTICES • MAKE WOMEN SAFE TO MAKE CHILDREN SAFE (Janet Reno) • REDRESS THE IMBALANCE IN POWER • MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR WOMEN’S VOICES TO BE HEARD? • HOLD PERPETRATOR ACCOUNTABLE

‘Ain’t I a Woman?’ • women have needs in their own right • From “problem women” to women with problems • Reliance on criminal justice • Start with evidence of strength– ask: what has happened to bring this woman low? • Balance safety with liberty and empowerment

Principles of Intervention • ALL FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SAFE • CASE SPECIFIC ASSESSMENT • RESPECT MEANS PARTNERING not PATRONIZING

“Your honor, the mere fact that my client and her child are here tells you she has taken significant steps to protect herself”

The battered mother ’ s dilemma