Parents’ Pupu Platter

2. Parents’ Pupu Platter An OHA Parenting Project

3. Parents’ Pupu Platter Session Two: Communicating Effectively with Your Child—Building Relationships and Setting Boundaries

4. ‘Ōlelo No‘eau He ‘a‘ali‘i ku makani mai au; ‘a‘ohe makani nana e kula‘i. I am a wind resisting ‘a‘ali‘i. No gale can push me over. I can hold my own in the face of difficulties.

5. Session Objectives Topics covered in this session will help you: use key verbal strategies to set expectations and resolve conflicts with your child. identify verbal and nonverbal communication skills that support relationship building. identify key community resources available for family and parenting support.

6. Ground Rules • Privacy • Respect

7. Spaghetti Tower

8. The Spaghetti Tower Your challenge: Build the tallest free standing spaghetti tower 0:00–2:00 minutes You can speak to each other, but you CANNOT touch the materials 2:01–6:00 minutes You can touch the materials, but you CANNOT speak to each other

9. The Spaghetti Tower • What was the easiest part of this activity? • What was the most frustrating? • 3) How did you communicate without words? • 4) Did group members respond differently? • 5) How do you feel about your team’s tower?

10. Communication

11. Practical Communication Tips Practice on easy messages

12. Practical Communication Tips Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home

13. Practical Communication Tips Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home Encourage reflection & expression

14. Practical Communication Tips Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home Encourage reflection & expression Use public and private comments wisely

15. Practical Communication Tips Practice on easy messages Make sure someone’s home Encourage reflection & expression Use public and private comments wisely Understand and avoid the coercive cycle

16. The Coercive Cycle Adult makes request Child doesn’t do what was asked Child reacts with hostility Adult reacts with hostility or withdraws

17. RPM3 Respond Prevent Monitor Mentor Model

18. RESPOND 1) Respond—Don’t React

19. RESPOND 1) Respond—Don’t React 2) Respond Appropriately

20. PREVENT 1) Learn To Spot Possible Problems

21. PREVENT 1) Learn To Spot Possible Problems 2) Learn To Work through Problems

22. MONITOR 1) Be Aware

23. MONITOR 1) Be Aware 2) Set Limits—Don’t Be Too Rigid

24. MENTOR 1) Guide.

25. MENTOR 1) Guide. 2) Work together.

26. MODEL 1) Do as you say AND say as you do.

27. MODEL 1) Do as you say AND say as you do. 2) Perfection IS NOT the goal.

28. The Biggest Messages 1) Love/Support 2) Try & Try Again & Again & Again

29. Activity

30. Personal Reflection

31. Small Group

32. Small Group • What was one of your biggest discoveries so far? • Looking back, what personality traits did you see as your group communicated to build your spaghetti tower? • What is a communication challenge in your family? Brainstorm with others on how you can address the challenge.

33. Ha‘ilono

34. Ha‘ilono: Telling the News • What were common themes you discovered within your group? • Did your group have any “a-ha” moments?

35. Community Resources

36. Closing/Evaluation

37. Parents’ Pupu Platter Session Two: Communicating Effectively with Your Child—Building Relationships and Setting Boundaries