During all criminal investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.

1. During all criminal investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.

2. Never, ever, be Inspector Harry Callahan’s new partner.

3. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

5. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

6. Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

7. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

8. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total opposite.

9. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

10. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

11. I missed the day of the Academy when they taught how to ride on a car hood.

12. Your supervisor is always wrong and must be trained into understanding your methods of police work are far superior to his.

13. Exotic sports cars can be bought on a cop's salary.

14. Every officer will be involved in a shooting within the first week on duty.

15. 1. Victims. 2. Kick ass partners. You will sleep with both types. There are two types of women:

16. Pistols are never carried with a round chambered.

17. You can knock most bad guys old cold with a single punch, and never break your hand.

18. Unless the movie is about a federal agent, federal agents all wear expensive, three-piece suits, and are incompetent jerks.

19. Even the tightest, most fashionable outfits can completely conceal guns, badges, handcuffs and pistol magazines.

20. Cops involved in shootings are seldom debriefed or placed on administrative leave.

21. Typing in only a name into a police computer will yield the owner’s last ten addresses and employers, complete military record, and medical history.

22. Any police radio can be “patched through” to the Joint Chiefs of Staff on a moment’s notice.

23. Cops commonly transfer from one major police department to another with no intervening training or loss of status or seniority.

24. Detective’s offices are always clean and modern, unless they are in New York City, where they will be housed in condemned buildings.

25. Every patrol division has at least one fat, aging cop who wisecracks endlessly and smokes a cigar.

26. The smallest detail in a photograph or video image can be “enhanced” to reveal the suspect’s face.

27. Criminal gangs can always find an abandoned building with heat, electricity, and telephone service to use as a hideout.

28. Cops never know of the existence of these buildings.

29. An unlimited number of search warrants can be “picked up” by any officer, for any reason, at a moment’s notice.

30. The chances of being killed by a drunk driver increase approximately 100 times by marrying a cop.

31. Every third vehicle accident will involve at least a minor fire.

32. Every fifth vehicle accident will result in a breathtaking explosion.

33. Police radios will transmit without having to activate the “push to talk” button.

34. Every police agency, district attorney’s office, and animal shelter has at least one “safe house.”

35. If you need to escape from a building, use the ventilation system. The ducts are large and unobstructed, and no one will think of looking for you there.

36. All telephone numbers in the USA begin with 555.

37. All beds have special L shaped sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

38. It is easy for anyone to land a plane, as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk them down.

39. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

40. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill. Just grab one at random and hand it over - it will always be the exact fare.

41. Women will investigate any suspicious noise in a house while wearing their most revealing underwear.

42. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.

43. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending telephone conversations.

44. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices having large red digital displays, so you know exactly when the bomb will go off.

45. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

46. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

47. Any door can be opened in seconds with a paper clip or credit card, unless it is the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.