The 2013 Brownlow

1. The 2013 Brownlow Jo Bailey Award

2. The award is named in honour of Jo Bailey, wife of Fullback of the Century and Carlton legend, Stephen Silvagni, for her display of excellence, beauty and style over many years. Welcome to my take on the WAGs and outfits at this years 2013 Brownlow Medal

3. Lets kick of with Cotch and his lovely wife to be Brooke Kennedy. An improvement on her glam outfit from last year

4. Swan’s date Taylor Wilson who is obviously resisting Danes suggestions of a sleeve.

5. Paddy Dangerfield backing up again with the lovely Mardi. Thought he may have traded up but we do understand it is pretty hard to find stunners in Adelaide.

6. Ryan Griffen Jasmin Putra in bright colours again.

7. Andrew Walker and Kylie (really??). She’s looking fabulous. Walks though needs to lift his game. Maybe its time to buy your second suit given your Yr11 deb ball one no longer fits.

8. Jack Grimes makes another showing this year with Jayde Tyrell. Looking fab Jayde, but did you forget to co-ordinate the shoes???

9. One of the favourites, Joel Selwood with the stunning Kathryn. We normally aren’t a big fan of lots of fluffy stuff but you pulled this one off.

10. Daniel Jackson wasted no time and traded up from his beautiful date of last year to Chrissy who was one of many in white.

11. Former medalist Jimmy Bartel and the always eye catching Nadia Coppolino. Very revealing and glamorous, but we just aren’t sure about what looks to be control undies!

12. Another of the many in white. Ryan O’Keefes wife Tara gave us some wonderful glamour with this outfit.

13. Norths Scott Thompson and wife Lauren

14. Travis Boak with his partner Cassie. Not bad for a bloke from Port

15. Jessica Meares. Apparently there with Matthew Leunberger. Who cares!

16. Another Port player, Brett Ebert, punching above his weight with Rebecca looking stunning in red.

17. More white! This time its Melbourne's high flying Jeremey Howe and Kahlia.

18. Steele Sidebottom traded up from blonde last year to, a dark haired “partner”.

19. Angus Monfries with Joanna. Good of Angus to get out and about before the crashing reality of ASADA hits him later this year with a 2 year ban.

20. Now we’ll admit to being harsh on Tanya in the past. But credit where its due for her stunning outfit and look. Bucks looks pretty relaxed. We wonder if he’s applied some “Rat Sack” down at Collingwood??

21. Thanks Jarryd for proving once again that attractive women are never shallow and are always attracted to a man’s personality. . . The lovely Sarah

22. Brett Deledio and wife Kate who was yet another who was stunning in white. Although not sure what look she’s giving us here.

23. Misses No real “WTF’s” this year, but plenty of misses

24. Not so pretty in pink. It got a solid run on Brownlow night. With only one exception. Sorry Erin, but a bit like Nick’s career, this look is over. And Raines date Alyse didn’t do much better.

25. Obviously the supplements have had their toll on the bomber players. Dyson, this is your THIRD year here. Luckily you’ll be on a ban next year and we won't have to see your next juvenile dressing effort. Seriously, buy a suit that fits. And Kate, take the time to check him out before leaving the house.

26. Harsh, but the yellow was all a bit ‘bridesmaidy’. Oh and could someone suggest to the AFL that maybe they choose a lighter coloured backdrop in future?

27. Poor Harry’s partner. Doesn’t get her name in the paper, and instead has to walk around in an outfit that people kept helping her pull the strap up on. Apparently that was the style. Sorry, it just looks like you are falling out of it.

28. Tough call here. Twiggers is always a bit on the edge. This was a bold statement, but just didn’t deliver. The shape was like something out of Alien. You are better than this twiggers (although judging by the crap you wear for the weather on Ch 9, maybe you or your stylist aren’t)

29. This is only here because its becoming apparent every year, that Nick Riewoldt has married himself!

30. We take no prisoners. Winner Gary Abletts date Toni. What’s with all the weird belt things? Was there a sale at Supre? And breaking the rule of going along with one of the red-hot favourites, she shows absolutely no cleavage. Sorry Toni, it’s a miss

31. So the drugs program at Essendon* has moved on to hallucinogenics??? Sorry Ella but this is a miss. It looks like someone has thrown a bowl of custard at you. Nice of you to want to make a splash Jobe. It is after all your last Brownlow/AFL event for a few years. We know the “I know nuffin” worked for Sgt Schulz, but we have faith in ASADA/WADA and expect them to show you and your entire cheating club less mercy than the AFL. * Banned from finals in 2013 and still the only club ever to have been found guilty of breaching the salary cap in a premiership year

32. Fill in your own comments. We’re too stunned to say anything!

33. Reflections on last years musings. . . . Channel 7, you are still off the game when it comes to presenting the ladies for our, errr consumption. I will repeat our advice. greet the couples ask her where she got her dress Make her twirl so we can assess T&A next. Ohh, and get rid of Campbell Brown. His obvious perving/drooling is putting the girls off and annoys us because its not us doing it! And once again, you keep serving up stupid segments on players getting ready. This year it was a couple of Tiger’s. Apart from the joy in watching him nearly cry after the Blues smashed his tigers, I surprisingly have little interest in Richo

34. The Rising Star award Awarded to what we believe are good first up efforts at the Brownlow. Apologies if they have been there before, but hey, it’s the first time we’ve noticed them!

35. Rising Star Dylan Shiel with Georgie Williams Right :Jack Steven with Indiana (hmmm, someones from Franga isn’t she?) At least its nice to see a Saints player with (a) a girl over 18 and (b) one who isn’t passed out!

36. Rising Star Candice Quinlan (is she Bernie’s granddaughter?). Great effort from Zac Smith. And yep, who needs to see Zac when we have this to look at.

37. And to our finalists Big improvement this year with some very lovely ladies in wonderful outfits that displayed all of their . . .. personality! As always, we had a few regulars, but also a good number of first up entrants

38. This year we will avoid the obligatory jokes re her surname. Elise Swallow looked simply stunning in this blue dress and Andrew scrubbed up much better than most.

39. Jarryd McVeigh and the glamourous Clementine. Now we can be pretty hard on fashions, but Jarryd’s suit, channelling Brian Teasdale we think, was a brave effort. Luckily Clementine shone like her dress so we were happy to give him credit for being bold

40. Fifth place Josh Kennedy with Columbian Ana. He placed fifth last year too. Despite the plethora of white, Ana stood out in this stylish outfit.

41. Fourth Place Rory Sloan backed up his 2nd placing in 2012 with fourth this year. Belinde chose blue and looked simply amazing. No wonder you couldn’t get the smile off Rory’s face.

42. Third Place Perenial place getter and last years winner, once again Jessie looked stunning. Simple, elegant sexy. Now if only Murph can be this consistent ON the field.

43. Second place Andrew Andrew Andrew. All we can say is where the hell of you been hiding your wife??? The only one to actually make pink look good, Georgie showed that its not just ugly bogan single mothers who come from Geelong.

44. And the winner of the 2013 Jo Bailey Award goes to . . . .

45. 2013 Jo Bailey Alex Davis Scott Pendlebury has been doing it all at the Brownlow. Scoring heaps of votes as well as delighting us with the sensational Alex Davis. And this year, Alex takes out the Jo Bailey. Despite the flurry of white dresses, Alex stood out in a dress that had lots of old fashioned glamour and new fashioned style. Hopefully a Charlie will be yours soon Pendles as your continued excellence demands it

46. And we leave you with this years Phark Off award. Two winners this year

47. Am yep, I’m still in the twilight zone? Both repeat offenders Phark Off One – Ch 7 Commentators The problem with being a critic of Channel 7 is that they just make it all too damn easy! So its 2013 and really? Who produced the show this year? Year 10 work experience kids??? Enough with the stupid ‘stories’. Enough with old Brownlow winners. And more than enough of Dipper! Keep It Simple STUPID!!!!!!

48. Phark Off Two – a perpetual award it seems Andrew “Jabba” Demetriou. Here’s a tip – STFU! Pausing on every syllable for teams that had a Brownlow chance is simply beyond annoying. TV’s around the state have stubbies buried deep in them as you drawled over every syllable like Jimmy Saville over a trip to the children's ward. You and your AFL still haven’t realised that it’s the players who make the game and not the officials. Shut the FUCK UP!!!!! The only saving grace was the pain in your voice whenever you announced “D Swan” The sooner you retire the better for all of us.