12 th November 2013

1. 12th November 2013

2. Fiona Shackleton – Barrister for Sir Paul McCartney “A courtroom is a barbaric venue in which to pick over the carcass of a failed marriage”

3. Some of the reasons people come to mediation I am contacting you for advice on how I go about mediation between me and my daughters mother. We just can't seem to come to any agreement at all that suits us both: its always ending in arguments please could you contact me as soon as possible on how I go about this My husband and I have been separated for 1 month. Selling our home and would like help with finances etc. Our split remains very amicable. Could someone call to make an appointment for both please I have recently split up with my sons father. He is refusing to speak with me and when he has my son I can’t contact him. He refuses to talk to me about any issues concerning our son and as there are many things that need to be discussed it is causing me to become rather stressed I need help to communicate with my son's mother over access and court order issues. I don’t want to return to the court system and feel that we should be able to work things out directly...can you help please?

4. Most separating couples are kind, decent and intelligent people who want to maintain their self-respect and dignity. These are good people at the worst time in their lives. Often, they are not proud of their behaviour. They would like to feel that they have treated their partner fairly, done what was best for their children, and amicably resolved their differences.

5. Who needs mediation? • Divorce stats: in 2011 117,588 divorces • 42% of couples married in 2011are likely to divorce • Separating couples & parents: the myth of ‘common law marriage’ • 2.9 million non-married couples • Children – over 100,000 in 2011 • By child’s 15th birthday 93% married couples still together, 7% of unmarried couples • Costs £46billion per annum

6. Negotiation … • Recognises the parties’ common goals for their family. • Encourages empathy. • Acknowledges the fact that the parties will be connected well into the future, even though they are no longer married/partners.

7. Mediation is a process to help couples to make changes when they have decided not to live together. It is • voluntary • impartial • confidential, except…. • legally privileged

8. Mediation is about: • mutual problem-solving • the present and the future, not the past • legal information NOT legal advice

9. Mediation deals with Children • where the children will live/when they will see their other parent • schools/doctors/holidays/birthdays/ christmas • pocket money/friends/sleep-overs • homework/discipline/boundaries • extended families • introducing new partners • etc,etc etc

10. …and Finances • house/mortgage/loans • income/savings • child and spousal maintenance • pensions • credit cards/bank loans/other debts • Tenancy Can be complex, but rarely is in practice. Referral to Financial Advisor if required, eg company valuations

11. Can we mediate when there has been domestic abuse/violence? Yes, but….

12. How mediation helps – a dvd from National Family Mediation Dealing with separation

13. Legal aid for mediation • Still exists – even after April 2013 • Two-stage test: capital & income • Covers all costs if eligible • NOT reclaimed after settlement (The Statutory Charge) • For details see • GOV.UK website– for general guidance

14. Fees For those who don’t qualify our costs are published in our leaflet and on our website • HFM – What will it cost? • we aim to be clear and transparent

15. Why are MIAMs important? Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings • Expected and very strongly encouraged under the Pre-Application Protocol • will become compulsory when Children and Families Bill comes into force – April 2014 • An individual will be required to have attempted mediation before they can go to court

16. Children in mediation • Children have a part in most mediations • Parents can agree that they both want what is best for children – even if they disagree about what this • Focus on views and needs of children

17. Children are routinely offered the chance to have their own meeting with the mediator • Their opportunity to ask questions, express worries, suggest ideas • Not responsible for adult decisions – and they don’t have to choose • Parents only hear what the children want them to hear

18. Outcome of child consultation • Parents/children: listening to one another/ being considered • Written record of session if desired • Plans formulated/confirmed in ongoing mediation

19. We find that most clients… • Can work together to gather the necessary information to resolve their case. • Want to spend their money on themselves and their children rather than on lawyers and court fees, so they’re willing to do homework.

20. Litigation can be demoralising, dehumanising, and destructive to families. Litigation is a “Blame Game.” Mediation changes the focus from WHO is at fault, to HOW to SOLVE the problem. Is about creating the future you want Mediationand Litigation

21. Successful outcome of mediation • Couple learns to communicate about the issues • Focus on children and putting their needs first • Recognise importance of adapting to changes, especially in their children • Equipped to deal with future issues – and know they can return to mediation

22. Clients say… They want to get through the divorce process as quickly and painlessly as possible.

23. Statistics show… The average mediation case is completed in 17 WEEKS; the average litigated divorce takes 17 MONTHS.

24. National Audit Office:“Legal aid and mediation for people involved in family breakdown” March 2007 Why Mediation? • Mediation can help [separating couples] settle disputes more cheaply, more quickly and less acrimoniously than is possible either through the courts or through legal representation • Since clients could take into consideration the individual needs of their family when exploring options this could help lead to more workable long term arrangements, particularly with regard to children, and the decisions made are the clients’, not imposed by the court

25. And because we don’t want this!

26. What can we do for you today? • Offer to attend a team briefing/workshop with your frontline staff - one of 12 mediators • Send information for you to pass to your clients • Happy to accept referrals or enquiries at any time

27. How to refer to HFM • Call us – 0845 230 9818/02392 433388 • Ask client to call us using one of these numbers • Website • Self-referral form • Callback request

28. Any questions? For further information see our website www.hantsfamilymediation.org.uk or call us 02392 433388