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Active Voice. How To Avoid Passive Voice And Create Strong Prose. Variations of the Verb. Be Being Been Was Were Is Am Are. PASSIVE The egg was laid by the chicken. ACTIVE The chicken laid the egg. Passive Voice. Overused Boring Doesn’t show action Vague Colorless Blah.
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Active Voice How To Avoid Passive Voice And Create Strong Prose
Variations of the Verb Be Being Been Was Were Is Am Are
PASSIVEThe egg was laid by the chicken. ACTIVEThe chicken laid the egg.
Passive Voice Overused Boring Doesn’t show action Vague Colorless Blah
The Gerund • I was sleeping. • You are exercising. • She is cooking. • We had been waiting. • You’re all boring me. • They are liberating.
I was sleeping. You are yelling. She is cooking. We are waiting. You’re all boring me. They are liberating. I slept. You yell. She cooks. We wait. You bore me. They liberate. Revising Gerunds
Jenny isn’t tidy, and she is never on time. Jenny has never shown up to our lunches on time, and she never washes her clothes. Why don’t you ever pick up your wet towels when you are done showering? Why don’t you ever pick up your wet towels after you shower? Getting more Specific
Specifics, Even more so She is mad. With a pained look on her face and her fists clenched, she looks like she could punch somebody into next week. Her face blushes with anger. I can hear her teeth grind.
Now You . . . • He is happy. • He is overjoyed. • He is ecstatic. • He is insanely proud. (Notice the differing physical attributes of each emotion.)
Passive(ask WHO?) He is being a pain. (Who is he being a pain to?) She was fired. (Who fired her?) They will be placed in detention. (Who will put them there?)
Replacing With Stronger Verbs Engulf Relinquish Incarcerate Contort Demolish Brawl Mangle Ameliorate Pulverize Hurl Score
EXAMPLE He was walking downtown to the thrift shop on the corner of the street where he had been mugged once when he dated this girl named Twyla, who was really smelly and was taller than him. Last week, he frolicked downtown to the thrift shop on the corner of the street where a thug ambushed him when he courted this girl—Twyla, who emitted a horribly rank stench and stood towered over him.
Simple Replacement McDonald’s hamburgers are nasty. McDonald’s hamburgers taste nasty. Rearranging and Adding Detail We think McDonald’s has nasty hamburgers. McDonald’s has the nastiest hamburgers. McDonald’s sells the nastiest hamburgers. McDonald’s hamburgers taste worse than cardboard.
Thinking Further Ask yourself: • What am I trying to say exactly? • Am I getting my message across? • How could I say this better? Clearer? • Am I leaving anything out? • What are the visual details that I have not included? • What is the action?