“No” is Universal: The Realities of Same-Sex Sexual Assault

1. “No” is Universal: The Realities of Same-Sex Sexual Assault Kim Stanley, M.A. Chris Smith, M.A.

2. Defining the Problem • Sexual assault • Any kind of sexual relations against a person's will and without consent. Includes completed and attempted acts. • Includes… • Sexual harassment, inappropriate touching, sexual abuse, sexual misconduct, rape, sexual coercion, molestation, stalking, verbal threats • Rape • Forced sexual intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral penetration), including both psychological coercion and physical force. • Includes the use of objects to penetrate (i.e., bottles, broom sticks, etc.) • Types of Rape  Statutory, stranger, acquaintance, date, or marital rape • Motivated by a desire for violence and to assert power and control. U.S. Dept. of Justice Bureau of Statistics (2006)

3. Same-Sex Sexual Assault Statistics … AARDVARC.ORG • Statistics • Accurate numbers are elusive … • Estimates among gay and lesbian college students: • 5.9% of men and 8.3% of women report having forced their current/most recent partner to have sex against their will (reported by Denise Snyder, D.C. Rape Crisis Center) • 11.8% of men and 17.8% of women had been forced to have sex against their will (Duncan, 1990) • 1 out of 3 lesbians have been sexually assaulted by another woman. • 1 out of every 8 men will be sexually assaulted during his lifetime. • The majority of them will be assaulted by men.

4. Texas Sexual Assault Law (Sec. A22.011) • A person commits an offense if the person: • Intentionally or knowingly: • Causes the penetration of the anus or sexual organ of another person by any means, without that person’s consent; • Causes the penetration of the mouth of another person by the sexual organ of the actor, without that person’s consent; or • Causes the sexual organ of another person, without that person’s consent, to contact or to penetrate the mouth, anus, or sexual organ of another person, including the actor • This applies to both the sexual assault of an adult and the sexual assault of a child • “Without consent” is defined with respect to 11 different types of circumstances

5. Common Rape Myths: • Female Rape Myths • Only bad girls are raped. • When a woman says “no,” she really means “yes.” • Only attractive women are raped. • If a woman’s not a virgin, she can’t be raped. • Women ask for rape by what they wear or how they act. • If she doesn’t fight back, it isn’t rape. • She deserved it. • It’s not that big of a deal. • If a woman is at a bar or club, she is looking for sex. • Male Rape Myths • Men can’t be raped. • Men are too strong to be raped. • Men are the initiators of sex, so they cannot be raped. • Men who are raped lose their manhood. • Male rape is rare. • Men who are raped do not have negative psychological consequences. • Male rape only occurs in prisons. • Men are only raped by other men.

6. LGBTQ Rape Myths … • Myth: Same-sex sexual assault does not occur. • Fact: It does! www.umich.edu/~sapac/info/assault-lgbt.html

7. LGBTQ Rape Myths … • Myth: A woman can’t rape another woman. • Fact: This is a product of gender role stereotypes that encourage the idea that women are never violent. This stereotype makes it less likely a woman will who has been assaulted by a woman to be believed. A survivor who once believed this stereotype may feel disillusioned as a result.

8. LGBTQ Rape Myths … • Myth: Gay men are sexually promiscuous and are always ready for sex. • Fact: Gay men, like all people, have the right to say no to sex. Due to the stereotypes people have about gay men’s sexual availability, it may difficult for a survivor to convince others that he was assaulted.

9. LGBTQ Rape Myths … • Myth: Bisexuals are kinky anyway, and sexual assault for them is just rough sex that got out of hand • Fact: Bisexuality refers to a sexual orientation, not sexual practices. Just as is the case for heterosexuals and gays/lesbians, bisexuals have a wide range of sexual practices. Rough sex and sexual assault are 2 very different things. Because of the stereotypes about bisexuals, they, too may have a difficult time convincing others that they have been assaulted.

10. LGBTQ Rape Myths … • Myth: The bigger, more masculine or masculine- identified person is always the perpetrator. • Fact: This is a stereotype about the associations between masculinity and physical size, and power. Power dynamics can play out in different ways (i.e., boss-employee, professor-student, “out”-“not out” ).

11. LGBTQ Rape Myths … • Myth: When a woman claims domestic/dating abuse by another woman, it’s just a catfight; similarly, when a man claims domestic/dating abuse by another man, it’s just two men fighting. • Fact: Domestic/dating abuse is about power and control, and this dynamic can occur between 2 men or 2 women, just as it does between a man and a woman. Women are also capable of violence.

12. The Experience of LGBTQ Survivors … • LGBTQ survivors who do choose to come forward face a range of difficulties that heterosexual survivors do not face • Survivors who are not “out” may not want to seek counseling for fear that doing so will disclose their sexual orientation as well

13. The Experience of LGBTQ Survivors … • There is often heterosexism and homophobia in the systems that are designed to help survivors (i.e., police departments, hospitals, etc.). • This can mean overt discrimination toward LGBTQ survivors, or it can mean the assumption that all survivors are heterosexual.

14. The Experience of LGBTQ Survivors … Like all survivors, LGBTQ survivors often feel self-blame, disbelief, shame, fear, anger, and depression. If it is perpetrated as a hate crime, that is directed at the survivors sexual. orientation or gender identity, LGBTQ survivors may begin to question themselves or how they are perceived by others .

15. The Experience of LGBTQ Survivors … • Transgender folk in particular may not want to seek hospital care • This may mean revealing that their gender identity does not correspond to their birth sex, and this may evoke discrimination • LGBTQ survivors may feel punished for acting outside of society’s prescribed gender roles • This may increase the amount of shame they feel as a result of the assault

16. The Experience of LGBTQ Survivors … • LGBTQ survivors may be reluctant to tell family and friends who do not approve of their identity. • For fear of reinforcing negative stereotypes. • LGBTQ survivors may have privacy concerns within their LGBTQ community. • Particularly within small and close-knit communities, survivors may be reluctant to disclose the sexual assault or abusive relationship out of fear that everyone will know.

17. The Experience of LGBTQ Survivors … • LGBTQ survivors may feel ostracized. • From both mainstream society and the LGBTQ community. They may also feel as if their sexual orientation or gender identity is focused more on than the assault itself. • LGBTQ survivors may lack support from within their community. • Other LGBTQs may not want to admit that sexual assault and domestic violence occur in the LGBTQ community, for fear of perpetuating negative stereotypes.

18. Sexual Coercion • The use of verbal manipulation to pressure someone into unwanted sexual touch or intercourse. • Insistent arguing, false pretenses, threats to end the relationship, threats of physical force, etc. • Statistics • 52% of GL individuals studied reported at least one incident of sexual coercion by same-sex partners (Waldner-Haugrud & Gratch, 1997) • Men=1.6 incidents/person; Women=1.2 incidents/person (Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault)

19. Sexual Coercion • 4 levels • Level 1: Sexual arousal • Level 2: Emotional manipulation and lies • Level 3: Exploitation of the intoxicated • Level 4: Physical force and harm

20. Sexual Harassment. www.umich.edu/~sapac/info/harassment. html • Harassment • Any unwanted and unwelcome behavior of a sexual or gender-specific nature that interferes with a person's ability to work or get an education through sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, or physical conduct of a sexual nature when: • Submission is either explicitly or implicitly a condition affecting academic or employment decisions; • The behavior creates a hostile, intimidating, or offensive environment.; or • The behavior persists despite objection by the person to whom the conduct is directed.

21. Sexual Harassment. • Types of Sexual Harassment • Quid pro quo • EX. A promotion depends on submitting to sexual an employer’s sexual demands • Hostile environment • Peer or someone w/ power • Statistics • 40-70% of women and 10-20% of men have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace

22. Consequences of Sexual Harassment • Emotional Reactions: • Anxiety, anger, fear, frustration, insecurity, betrayal, embarrassment, confusion, self-consciousness, shame, powerlessness, guilt, isolation, lack of control. • Physical Reactions: • Headaches, sleeplessness, stomach aches, weight gain or loss, phobias, panic attacks, nightmares. • Social Effects: • Withdrawal, fear of new people or situations, lack of trust, self-preoccupation, changes in dress or physical appearance, negative attitudes. • Academic/ Career Effects: • Changes in study or work habits, loss of job or promotion, negative performance evaluations, drop in work performance due to stress, lower grades as punishment for reporting sexual harassment or for turning down sexual advances.

23. Stalking is . . . A willful course of conduct involving repeated or continuing harassment made against the expressed wishes of another individual, which causes that individual to feel emotional distress including fear, harassment, intimidation, or apprehension. www.umich.edu/~sapac/info/stalking.html

24. Stalking. At least 50% of stalkers explicitly threaten their victims The frequency of violence among stalkers toward their “objects” averages in the range of 25-35% 15% of men cohabiting with a man reported being raped/assaulted or stalked by a male cohabitant (Saltzman et al., 1999).

25. Different Types of Stalkers: • Love obsessed • No relationship or casual relationship with victim • Celebrity stalking • Stranger, neighbor, co-worker, classmate, acquaintance • Simple obsession • Previous personal or romantic relationship • Ex-partner • Former abuser • A stalker can be someone you know well or not at all. Stalking is also a gender neutral crime. Anybody can stalk or be stalked. • Role of the internet (MySpace/Facebook)

26. Stalking Behaviors … • Stalkers may attempt to woo their victim into a relationship by sending flowers, candy and love letters, in an attempt to "prove their love.” • When the victim spurns their unwelcome advances, the stalker often turns to intimidation. Such attempts at intimidation often begin in the form of an unjustified, jealous and inappropriate intrusion into the victim's life. Often these contacts become more numerous and intrusive over time, until such collective conduct becomes a persistent pattern of harassment. • Many times, harassing behavior escalates to threatening behavior. Such threats may be direct or indirect and communicated explicitly or implicitly by the stalker's conduct. Unfortunately, cases that reach this level of seriousness too often end in violence and/or murder.  These tactics are used by stalkers as a means of reasserting their dominance over the victim.

27. Stalking Behaviors … The evolution of the stalker's thought pattern progresses from, "If I can just prove to you how much I love you," to "I can make you love me," to "If I can't have you, nobody else will." While this progression in behavior is common, no stalking case is completely predictable.

28. Specific Steps to Take when Stalked: 1) Formally notify the stalker to stop. 2) Build your case against the stalker by providing the police with any or all of the following: Documentation of behaviors Tape recordings of messages or phone calls Any identifying information you have 3) Develop a support system. 4) Use caller ID and screen your calls. 5) Call the police when you feel in danger, especially when the stalker can be arrested. 6) Get a restraining order. 7) Carry a cell phone and protect your safety. 8) Vary your daily activities. Shred your discarded mail.

29. Considerations for Survivors of Sexual Assault … • Safety first • Need for medical attention • Injury, STIs, date rape drugs • Taking legal action • Rape kit (University Medical Hospital & Covenant Hospital) • Victim’s advocate • Legal vs. university sanctions • Counseling

30. Resources: • Lubbock Rape Crisis Center • www.lubbockrcc.org • (806) 763 – 7273 • 24-hour crisis hotline • Counseling • SANE services (trained certified Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners) • Medical accompaniment, law enforcement/ legal accompaniment

31. Resources: • Women’s Protective Services • www.wpslbk.org/default.asp • 24-hour crisis hotline (806) 747-6491 • Shelter, food, clothing, transportation • Support groups • Assistance in obtaining social and legal services

32. Resources: • Student Counseling Center • 201 Student Wellness Center (806) 742-3674 • www.depts.ttu.edu/scc • Individual and group counseling • Sexual assault/abuse survivors group • LGBTQ support group