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How To Choose A Partner

How To Choose A Partner. Fr. Jacob Ghaly. The 4 Categories These categories are suggestions of what may be ideal. When Where How Expectations. When. An ideal time would be towards the end of your college career

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How To Choose A Partner

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  1. How To Choose A Partner Fr. Jacob Ghaly

  2. The 4 CategoriesThese categories are suggestions of what may be ideal • When • Where • How • Expectations

  3. When • An ideal time would be towards the end of your college career - Before that age, heterosexual attraction is usually general; Later on, the attraction is towards 1 person (psychological maturity) • By law: over 18 years old -Before that age, the relationship will lack spiritual, psychological, and financial maturity

  4. When • Females usually mature around 2 years earlier than males. • The maturity level usually “equalizes” between males and females between the ages of 25-30 • The ideal difference in age is up to 5 years

  5. Where • Church Including activities such as retreats, service, trips, Sunday school, etc. • Work • Could be anywhere according to the will of God

  6. How • Prayer is the best tool to find a partner where God will chose the person, the time, and the way through his wisdom. • The dangers angers of finding a partner through the internet…

  7. Expectations • Some people will form unreal expectations of what they are looking for in a partner. “Beauty is fading and charm is deceitful” • My partner should be very close to me in terms of my: • Spirituality • Financially • Academically This will generally minimize many problems later on

  8. It is very important for Churches to run some sort of program that will prepare partners for marriage.

  9. 5 Factors that go into choosing a partner • Spirit • Mind • Parents • Feeling • Open Doors

  10. Spirit • God’s Voice • Father of confession: Has wisdom and discernment; will help and pray for you • We need Jesus to be the center of the relationship from the beginning: Jesus Christ should be the 3rd person in a relationship • The Holy Spirit is the guidance

  11. Mind • Everything makes sense • Difference in age, personality, etc.

  12. Parents • 1 of the signs of God’s approval is the comfort of the parents • In our Coptic culture, the marriage is between 2 partners; However, both families are very much involved. If there is no harmony between the 2 families, it will create countless problems. • If there is discomfort with parents; prayer and time are key.

  13. Feeling • Our love to our partner must be aghapy love, not aerus love • Do not rely on feelings 100%. Feelings will be overwhelming at first, but later on, you need aghapy love to sustain the relationship.

  14. Open Doors • We prayed, we are comfortable, parents agree, we have the blessings of our families, all the doors are open: • This usually means God’s will is taking place • This doesn’t mean you will not experience any obstacles.

  15. Factors affecting the Decision • Family • love and respect between parents, • how they deal with relatives, • there is harmony between the 2 families • Culture • Communication • Dialogue • Ability to express feelings • Responsibility (Level of success in life) • Financial Status • Diseases (hepatitis, Cancer, infertility, psychological disorders, etc.)

  16. Questions to ask yourself after you find your potential partner • Q1: Faith • Q1: Life • Q3: Culture • Q4: Personality

  17. Q1: Faith • Is the person attached to the Church? • Does the person have a relationship with God? • Why does the person go to Church? • Is Jesus the first in his/her life? • Are they living a life of repentance? • Is God their first refuge when there is trouble? • What is the value of the Bible in their life?

  18. Q2: Life • How do they spend money? • Do they love to serve others? • Do they respect other people? • Do they respect the lowly? • Is there any kind of addiction present in their lives? • Is the person stubborn or heard-headed? • Are they able to keep a private life with their spouse? • Are they quick to lose friends? • How long does it take to forgive someone? A moment, day, year, forever? • Ambition, greediness, laziness…

  19. Q3: Culture • Who are their friends? • What books do they read? • What websites do they go on? • What shows/ movies do they watch? • How do they spend their free time? • Hobbies? • Music?

  20. Q4: Personality • The dangers of comparing? • Are they hesitant in making decisions? • Punctuality in time? • Do they like to own everything they see? • Are they able to say sorry when they are wrong? • Are they suspicious/ paranoid about people around them? • Humility?

  21. Notes • Marriage is an establishment of the house of the Lord • Whenever 2 or 3 are gathered I will be in the midst (these are husband, wife, and children) • The bodies are holy as long as they are faithful to each other • Marriage is a spiritual gift, but not with non-believers • As wine and water are mixed, also husband and wife: to be in harmony

  22. Wrong reasons for marriage • Money • Papers • Position in company • Just to have kids • To serve ME

  23. Goals for marriage • To become 1 unity • Aghapy love • Sharing • Salvation • Godly Children

  24. Bible References • Eph. 5:22 • Heb. 13:24 • 1 Cor. 7:2, 7:4, 7:10, • Eph. 5:28 • Mat. 19:4, 19:6

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