Betrayal

1. Betrayal Emotional Triggers

2. Freewrite A time when you were betrayed. What happened? How did you feel? How did you respond? Did it destroy the relationship or did you forgive? OR Think about a time when you betrayed someone else.

3. Think… • If you know information about a betrayal…should you tell the people involved? Why or Why Not?

4. Betrayals Hurt Betrayals demonstrate that our partners do not value their relationships with us as much as we had believed. Thus, our most hurtful betrayals come from those on whom we depend and for whom we care the most.

5. Betrayal • Betrayals are disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such misbehavior.

6. Individual Differences… Men and women do not differ in their tendencies to betray others… …but white people betray others more than other folks do. Frequent betrayers tend to be unhappy, maladjusted people who are vengeful, resentful, and suspicious of others.

7. IBS Scores • Are higher among college students majoring in: • Social Sciences • Education • Business • Humanities

8. IBS scores (lower) • Are lower in: • Physical science • Engineering • Tech. fields • Students who live off-campus • Older, better educated, more religious

9. Repeat Offenders • Tend to be maladjusted, unhappy and suspicious • Betrayers tend to be vengeful suspicious folk prone to jealousy and cynicism • Tend to have higher mental problems • Often come from broken homes

10. Gender Differences MEN: tend to betray romantic partners and business associates WOMEN: tend to betray friends and family

11. Two Sides to Every Betrayal Those that betray intimate partners usually underestimate the harm it causes • Think it is less harmful and often play up mitigating factors (reasons) Victims do not see betrayals as small or harmless, generally don’t shive one git about external factors (reasons)

12. Two Sides to Every Betrayal • 93% of victims believe betrayal damages the partnership • Perpetrators acknowledge harmful effects on relationship about ½ the time and often believe the relationship improved post betrayal

13. Two Sides to Every Betrayal • Betrayals have lasting negative effects and are the central complaint of the victim

14. Coping with Betrayals

15. People Report Less Anxiety and Better Coping When: • Face up to the betrayal versus denying it happened • Rely on friends for support • Reinterpret (reappraise) the event in a more positive light • For example self-growth, life-lesson

16. Vs. • Pretending the Betrayal did NOT happen • Wallow in the negative emotions • Resorting to drugs and alcohol to cope

17. Victims (men and women) • Feel like they want to exact some form of revenge • Normal and natural response

18. Think… • If you know information about a betrayal…should you tell the people involved? Why or Why Not? • Take the IBS (handout)

19. Case Study: Ann and Paul • When Ann returned from her business trip, she described her weekend as pretty boring, and uneventful, so Paul was surprised when he found pictures on her digital camera of a raucous dinner, karaoke bar, and obviously a lot of drinking and carrying on. A picture of her sitting at a table beaming with pleasure as two good-looking men hugged her and kissed her cheeks really rattled him. Stung and unhappy, he became sullen and distant. He started giving her the cold shoulder and began to think about “how to pay her back.” Ann knew that she had been too flirtatious but she was secretly titillated by one of the guys in the picture, who was now emailing her with veiled suggestions about their next meeting. In addition, Ann wasn’t sure what Paul knew or suspected, but she was beginning to resent his attitude. Using what you currently know (or have learned through this class) what do you think the future holds for Paul and Ann? What advice can you offer Paul? What advice can you offer Ann?