Work & Personal Effectiveness

1. Work & Personal Effectiveness Ms. Jennifer R. Rangel MM-ITM

2. Module 11: MANAGING CONFLICT, DIFFICULT PEOPLE & SITUATIONS

3. What is conflict? • A statement of disagreement or opposition between two or more persons regarding ideas, interests, needs, values, desires, or wishes. • Is an inevitable & natural part of everyday life & every workplace.

4. Where does conflict come from? • Our personal fears & insecurities • Misunderstanding in communication • Lack of information or communication • Need of control & predictability in our lives • When personalities clash • When team members perceive interference from one another • When employees feel unable to progress due to another’s action

5. What does it cost you? • Creating a professional stress & burnout • Decreasing your productivity • Quitting your job • Getting into fights at home with family, friends, & significant others • Decreased physical well-being: tension, headaches, increased blood pressure, or abdominal pain • Decreased emotional well-being: stress, depression, mood swings, or irritability

6. What does it cost your company? • Absenteeism • Poor customer outcomes • Stressful environment • Reduced morale • Dissatisfied customers

7. From Dispute to Discomfort • Conflict involves an ongoing situation, unlike a dispute which is a one-off incident • Dispute goes without resolution, may cause an uncomfortable working environment, characterized by gossip & rumor, an awkward atmosphere & non-cooperation between team members • This can lead to further dispute in the form of arguments or complaints

8. From Conflict to Crisis • Others may become involved & take sides. Incidents escalate & tension rises. This is now a conflict situation. • The passing of blame becomes a formal complaint; employees are increasingly non-productive as their energy is directed towards the conflict. • Without management intervention, the conflict can readily approach crisis point.

9. The Conflict Resolution Pyramid • Mediation, arbitration, or litigation • Problem solving & negotiation • Interpersonal interaction • Understanding ourselves, understanding the situation

10. Five Basic Responses to Conflict • Confronting – using aggression, passive aggression, or violence • Avoiding – withdrawing or giving in • Accommodating – smooth or submitting • Compromising – splitting the difference • Collaborating – working to solve the problem

11. Understanding Ourselves • Hot Button – things that trigger a strong emotional response in you – and particularly those things that make you angry, defensive, resistant, or in some manner push you over the edge of your self control.

12. How to Control you Hot Buttons? • Hit the Pause Button • Go to the Balcony • Acknowledgement • Self-affirmation • Humor

13. Hit the Pause Button • Try to say or do something that will help to slow down the situation to give you a moment to think, a moment to develop an appropriate response rather than an angry reactive response. This could mean, taking a deep breath & letting it out slowly, counting to three, asking the person to repeat the statement, taking a short break from the discussion. Hitting the button will help you to collect your thoughts & your emotions.

14. Go to the Balcony • This means talking an emotional & mental step back from the situation while it’s happening. This requires you to emotionally detach from what’s being said. Admittedly this is difficult to achieve but it’s an effective way to maintain emotional control. Stepping back & observing the situation as if from a balcony will help you better control your response.

15. Acknowledgement • Let the people know that their words are having an effect on you. Doing this lets them know that they may be going too far. It also gives them the opportunity to rephrase or soften what is being said. So feel free to say “That really hurt” or “You’re making me upset”.

16. Self-Affirmation • Sometimes hurtful words feed right into our deepest fears & insecurities. It can feel like an old wound was cut open. After the situation has ended you need to do some self-healing by reminding yourself of your true skills, talents, knowledge, & goodness. It’s important to do this because you need to get this position out of your system & move on.

17. Humor • De-activate your Hot Buttons by having a good laugh. At this moment it’s the hardest thing to do but it’s the best medicine for you. So make a plan to only look at comedies that night or for as many nights you need. Laughing will help your body release some “feel good” chemicals, lower your blood pressure, & relax your muscles.

18. Understanding the Situation • Identify the issue, it’s impact on you, & your feelings about it • Distinguish between concrete & relationship problems. Deal with them separately. • Remember that people have different perceptions & interpretations of the same event. Don’t assume that your perspective is shared by others. Check it out.

19. Interpersonal Interactions • Creating a conducive environment • Actively listening & communicating • Actively attending • Communicating clearly

20. Problem Solving & Negotiation • A back & forth process for solving the problem created when two or more parties have conflicting interest

21. The PRESTO Process • P – prepare • R – relate • E – explore interests • S – suggestion option • T – tailor agreement • O - operationalize

22. Prepare • Think through the situation, think about what you want to say & hope to accomplish, prepare what you are going to say Relate • Focus on establishing & maintaining a good working relationship throughout the discussion, discover the interests, & goals of your co-worker

23. Explore Interests • It’s important to understand the other person’s perspective & goals as it relates to the conflict, as well as your own. Without this understanding finding a win-win solution for both of you will be harder. Suggestion Options • Brainstorm a variety of concrete solutions that satisfy both your needs

24. Tailor Agreement • Use a standard of fairness & equity to narrow down & choose one option that works best for both of you. Even after an option is chosen, it will require both of you to tailor, & craft it to meet your needs & interest Operationalize • Next decide when the agreement will start, what you’ll do to make it successful, or how to avoid future conflicts. If you want, put your agreement in writing so that you’ll always have proof of what is agreed upon

25. Mediation, Arbitration & Litigation • Mediation – a process where a neutral third party helps individuals negotiate an accepted resolution to their conflict • Arbitration – a process whereby a neutral third party has the authority to make decisions about how a dispute will be resolved; typically lacks the legal power to enforce compliance with the decisions made • Litigation – a process whereby people with disagreements go to court to have their dispute settled in a formal manner by a judge

26. Handling Difficult Behavior • How to handle high emotions • How to handle anger • How to handle the silent treatment • How to handle gossips • How to handle non-stop talkers • How to handle interruptions • How to handle abuse or threatening behavior

27. How to handle high emotions • Be calm & supportive • Allow the person time to compose themselves, if necessary to give them cool down period in a safe environment • Does the person prefer to speak in private? If yes, use external arbitrator

28. How to handle angry person • Be patient • Prevent the anger from being focused • Stay calm & in control – your calmness will help diffuse the anger • Request respect & cooperation • End the meeting if necessary, or pause it & get the angry person to go somewhere “safe” to cool off

29. How to handle the silent treatment • Encourage discussion by using open-ended questions • Allow them to be silent for awhile if necessary, be patient • Rephrase difficult questions • Does the person prefer to speak in private? If needs to be, use an external arbitrator

30. How to handle gossips • Keep questions closed • Remind the person that you only need to know facts & their own feelings • Get them to acknowledge whether they are describing assumed versus evidenced behavior • Keep an open mind & get corroboration if needed

31. How to handle non-stop talkers • Keep questions closed • Control the flow, interrupt kindly but firmly • Ask them to sum up feelings using key words • Get them to the list issues in bullet point • Set a time for them to talk more about the issue at a later date, or set up session with the supervisor

32. How to handle interruptions • Use non-verbal statements such as facial expression • Request cooperation and respect • Remind the persons interrupting that they will get their chance to speak • If they constantly interrupt, consider communicating with each other separately

33. How to handle abuse or threatening behavior • Immediately request the behavior stops & explain why it is unacceptable • Pause or end the meeting • Remove the person/s to a safe environment & allow them to cool down • Have the person removed from the site if necessary, using security officers or equivalent

34. Resolving Conflict Situations with Co-workers • Initiate & listen • Don’t be a trigger • Set respectful limits • Find win-win situations

35. Initiate & listen • If your are aware that something is wrong, be the first to bring it up • Set the tone for the discussion by your calm attitude & willingness to discuss & resolve the situation • Initiate discussion at a place & time that is safe & good for all • Listen, listen, listen, & listen some more

36. Initiate & listen • Find out what is really being said – listen behind the words • You don’t have to agree with everything that is said, but hear it out • Clarify what you are hearing – restate what you hear, ask questions • Respect differences in communication styles & cultural differences in approaching conflict

37. Don’t be a trigger • Avoid using language that triggers – reframe to neutral language • Use “I” rather than “you” • Don’t over react – your attitude & actions will increase or decrease conflict • Don’t get sucked into side issues – ignore challenges. Focus on the issues. • Be careful with your non-verbal communication. What is your body saying?

38. Set Respectful Limits • Be careful about the limits & consequences • Don’t threaten. State facts, don’t make the person feel threatened. • If the discussion gets out of control, take a break, make an exit, &/ or get help • Never use violence or physical means to set a limit • Resume when things have cooled off

39. Find Win-Win Situations • Generate solutions that meet the needs of each person • Know that the real needs might not be what are initially stated • Make sure everyone walks away with something • Use a fair process for deciding – even when you need to exert authority • Check in later – is the solution working, did the process of resolving the situation work?