Personal Development

Personal Development North Lake College Elizabeth Langer 1

Personal Development Lunch & Learn North Lake College Elizabeth Langer 08/28/2019 2

Personal development lunch & Learns • Would you show up? • Would you be curious? • What is personal development anyway? • Would you use your lunch hour to find out? Chances are…. someone will share personal development with you. Chances are … that encounter may expose you to some very real principles that could change the way you view yourself, your work and your world forever. Your chance is right here right now….check it out….open your mind and your heart to new possibilities inside the world of personal development. 3

Project Summary If there were principles that could help you as a person in your everyday life, both personally and professionally, would you be open to receive it? If there were teachers and speakers who could change your perspective and help you create a more positive and grateful life, would you open your ears to hear it? If there were concepts that could be implemented to be happier in the midst of frustration and upset, would you want to experience it? The answer is yes right! Who wouldn’t want that…..the difference is we don’t usually know how to get that….. You have the opportunity to take that first step and be curious…about a way of being that could change the whole way you look at life…both personally and professionally. And it might just be the best information you have received in a very long time, as we begin our journey into the world of personal development. 4

Table of Contents Pages Mindfulness 6-7 Authentic Happiness 8-10 Gratitude 11-13 Resilience 14-16 Positive Thinking 17-19 Self Belief 20-21 Conscious/Subconscious Thinking 22-23 Self Limited Beliefs 24-25 Neuroscience and the Brain 26-28 Well Being 29-31 Forgiveness 32-34 Self Love 35-37 Energy 38-39 Success Principles 40-41 References 42 5

Mindfulness What is Mindfulness? How do we learn to stay present by embracing mindfulness. *Mindfulness is the act of being fully in the present moment. Your mind is not in the past nor is it in the future. It is right here, right now. *Becoming more aware and rooted in the present moment can help us deal with so many of life’s challenges. *Being in the moment is something that’s rare these days. We are pulled in so many directions by too much stimuli, too much responsibilities and too much hurrying. But all this does is cause the mind to bounce between the past (“shoulda, woulda, coulda”) and the future(worry about what might happen). The result is Stress. Being able to focus and shut out distractions will make you happier and calmer. It will help you see things as they are, not as you believe them to be. That is the basis of mindfulness training: to stay present in the moment. * Mindfulness exercises and training will result in tremendous release of stress and worry and will give you the ability to do your absolute best in any endeavor. 6

Mindfulness • Have you ever heard the following quote: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift….that’s why it is called present.” This elegantly summarizes the power of being in the present moment. Focusing on the past and the future is futile. All we have is the present. Planning for the future is important, but obsessing over it is counter productive. So how do we learn to focus on the present instead of the future? By learning to cultivate the skill of mindfulness. *Mindful behaviors can be meditation, listening to the environment, paying attention to your body and breath, positioning your posture for better alignment, begin listening, feeling, absorbing, acknowledging, comprehending, learning or observing anything you possibly can during any moment. Become the silent observer of your environment. There is nothing special needed to begin, you just have to slowly hone in your attention, intention and perception into the moment of now. 7

Authentic happiness *Authentic Happiness is not always the successful career, falling in love, money and bright shiny things… *What is the mystery of why some people can be happy despite the ups and downs of life and why some could NEVER be happy, no matter if they had every reason to be. Results of interviewing 100 truly happy people concluded that it wasn’t the fame, the career, the money that brought lasting happiness. *Truly happy people came from all walks of life and from all income levels. Wealth was not a prerequisite for happiness. Some of the happiest people came from rather mundane jobs, not impressive careers. Some were married, some weren’t. Some even had physical limitations or afflictions that made everyday tasks more challenging. So if money, wealth, fame, love and success didn’t make them happy what did? 8

Authentic happiness *The happiest people had priorities and habits in their daily life that contributed to their overall happiness. • 1. They take responsibility for their life-they don’t blame others for the unfortunate circumstances of their life. They show up like a victor not a victim. • 2. Their thoughts support their happiness-they don’t stay in negativity or pessimism-they have the knack for reframing challenges into opportunities-to do better, to learn, to be even more grateful when things are going well. • 3. They live with an open heart-they have compassion for others and forgive those who hurt them, because they understand the value of living with an open heart-and being accessible and in tune with themselves and others. • 4. They know how to optimize the biochemistry-happy people know what to do on a daily basis to feel good in their bodies. It doesn’t mean they have to have a perfect body, but they do what it takes to support a healthy body that produces lots of happiness brain chemicals 9

Authentic happiness • 5. They are plugged into their soul –it’s important for deeply happy people to be plugged into a Higher Power, the Divine, God, Spirit, the Universe-whatever you prefer to call it. They have a relationship with spirit and know how to live soulfully. • 6. They live with a sense of purpose-they have discovered what their greater purpose is in life and they find meaning in being able to integrate their purpose into daily life. This isn’t necessarily related to work or career either. • 7. They surround themselves with supportive people-Happy people know how to set appropriate boundaries with people who don’t support them or with those who are negative or toxic. They appreciate the value of cultivating relationships with people who will bring out the best in them. How many of these virtues do you have? What’s terrific?… once you’ve mastered these 7 foundational principles, it won’t matter what your circumstances are in life, because you’ll have raised your happiness set point and already achieved what all humans hope to achieve-true contentment and inner peace. 10

Gratitude What are you most grateful for in this moment? Right here, right now. Seriously, stop and ask yourself. If your having a tough day and aren’t able to come up with anything off the top of your head, that’s all the more reason to ask the question. The New York Times recently referenced a scientific study that found that even if you aren’t able to think of anything to be grateful for, simply asking the question is powerful enough to change your brain chemistry. But the reality is there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. *Gratitude is powerful. Research has shown that gratitude can improve your well-being, increase resilience, strengthen social relationships and reduce stress and depression. The more grateful people are, the greater their overall well-being and life satisfaction. They’ll also have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, better sleep. They will be more alert, generous, compassionate and happier. Grateful people also have a greater capacity for joy and positive emotions. 11

Gratitude *Gratitude is an acknowledgement that something meaningful has been done for us. It’s an open –hearted, deliberate recognition of the generosity of the giver. It can also be broader things such as health, safety, friendship, family etc. *Gratitude involves noticing the goodness in the world, but it doesn’t mean being blind to the tough stuff or the mess that can get to all of us from time to time. Gratitude makes sure that in the midst of the things that serve up a good dose of negative feelings, we don’t lose sight of the good. *It is impossible to feel grateful and negative at the same time. The more space gratitude is allowed to take up, the more it will expand itself and make way for other positive emotions-connection, happiness, appreciation, joy. More good feelings means less room for toxic ones. *Gratitude has the capacity to increase important neurochemicals. When thinking shifts from negative to positive, there is a surge of feel good chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. These all contribute to the feelings of closeness, connection and happiness that come with gratitude. 12

Gratitude *Gratitude builds on itself. We know that the brain changes with experience, so the more that gratitude is practiced, the more the brain learns to tune in to positive things in the world. This isn’t something that tends to come naturally. We humans have a negativity bias, which means that we’re wired to notice threats in the environment. This is a good thing-it has kept us alive since the beginning of us-but as well as being alive, we also want to be happy. When there is too much of a focus on the negative, gratitude can be a way to nurture a more positive focus and teach the bran to spend more time on the feel-goods and less time hanging on to the things that aren’t. Studies have shown that holding or focusing on an experience for 20 seconds is long enough to create positive structural changes in the brain. There are plenty of ways to practice gratitude but however it’s done, it is important that it is done consistently. Being grateful for the same things every day, even if they are important and worthy of enormous gratitude, won’t have the same effect on the brain as finding something positive and new each time. One way to practice gratitude is to start a gratitude journal. 13

Resilience • What is Resilience? Have you ever wondered why some people seem to remain calm in the face of disaster while others appear to come undone? • Resilience is what gives people the psychological strength to cope with stress and hardship. It is the mental reservoir of strength that people are able to call on in times of need to carry them through without falling apart. • *Resilient people are able to utilize their skills and strengths to cope and recover from problems and challenges. Instead of falling into despair or hiding from problems with unhealthy coping strategies, resilient people face life’s difficulties head on .This doesn't mean that they experience less distress, grief or anxiety than other people do. It means that they handle such difficulties in ways that foster strength and growth. In many cases, they may emerge even stronger than they were before. • Psychologists agree that some people seem to be born with more resilience than others. But they also assert that it is possible for all of us to cultivate more of it. One key is adjusting how we think of adversity. 14

Resilience *Resilient people are characterized by an ability to experience both negative and positive emotions -even in the difficult or painful situations, they morn losses and endure frustrations- but they also find redeeming potential or value in most challenges. When not-so–resilient people face difficulties, all of their emotions turn negative. If things are good, they feel good, but if things are bad, they feel horrid. Resilient people on the other hand, tend to find some silver lining in even the worst of circumstances. While they certainly see and acknowledge the bad, they’ll find a way to also see the good. One key to building resiliency lies in noticing and appreciating those positive experiences whenever and wherever they occur. *The more you can leverage challenges as opportunities to grow and evolve, the more resilient you are likely to be. 15

Resilience Pain comes to all of us in life. What resilient people do is immediately look at the problem and say “What’s the solution ? What is this trying to teach me? Looking at pain as an opportunity to learn, problem-solve and building the confidence and the habit of moving toward the pain instead of running from it, goes a long way in terms of building resiliency. *Take care of yourself. Good health and a regular routine of healthy habits are foundational to both mental and emotional resilience. When your caught up on sleep, eating well and keeping stress levels low, you’ll be less fragile and less likely to fall into unhealthy patterns following a serious set back or tragedy. *Two other key self care factors that help nurture resilience: spending time outdoors and surrounding yourself with people you enjoy. 16

Positive thinking • The power of positive thinking is remarkable. In fact, the idea that your mind can change your world almost seems too good to be true. • Can you guess what the most successful and happy people think of all day long? The answer is quite simple… • Healthy, happy people think about what they want, and how to get it, most of the time. In this way developing a positive attitude can truly change your entire life. When you think and talk about what you want and how to get it, you feel happier and in greater control of your life. When you think about something that makes you happy, your brain actually releases endorphins, which give you a generalized feeling of well-being As a result, you develop a positive attitude. • Based on many psychological tests, happy people seem to have a special quality that enables them to live a better life. Can you guess what it is? It is the quality of optimism. The best news about optimism is that it is a quality that can be learned. That means you can learn how to think positive by adopting an optimistic mindset. By the law of cause and effect, if you do and say what other healthy, happy people with positive attitudes do and say, you will soon feel the same way, get the same results and enjoy the same experiences that they do. 17

Positive thinking Happy People Find Good in the World. Optimists seem to have different ways of dealing with the world that set them apart form the average person. • First, they keep their minds on what they want, and keep looking for ways to get it. They are clear about goals and they are confident that they will accomplish them, sooner or later. • Second, optimists look for the good in ever problem or difficulty. When things go wrong, as they can do, they say “That’s good!” And then set about finding something positive about the situation. What we know is this, if you are looking for something good in a person or situation , you will alwaysfind it. And while you are looking, you will be a more positive and cheerful person. The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty-Winston Churchill. Optimists seek the valuable lesson in every setback or reversal. Rather than getting upset and blaming someone else for what has happened, they take control over their emotions by saying, “What can I learn from this experience?” 18

Positive thinking Decide to Be Happy Resolve from now on to see your glass of life as half full rather than half empty. Happy People give thanks for the many blessings in life rather than worrying or complaining about the things they do not have. Assume the best of intentions on the part of everyone around you. Most people are pretty decent and honest and are trying to do the very best they know how to. When you look for something good in their words and actions, you will almost always find something. Resolve to be cheerful, no matter what happens. Looking on the bright side is most important when things go wrong. It is easy to be cheerful when everything is gong according to plan. But, it is when you encounter unexpected setbacks and difficulties that you demonstrate to yourself, and the world around you what kind of attitude you really have. Make sure that it is a positive one. Developing a positive attitude can help you in more ways than you might realize. When you think positive thoughts, you do not allow your mind (conscious and subconscious) to entertain any negative thoughts or doubts. 19

Self belief Self Belief is the positive feeling you have inside that tells you that you are capable of anything. You feel empowered, confident and fueled with virility in the face of challenges and problems. *Self Belief is learnable. Re-examine and discard the limiting ideas you have about your abilities, find out why you have these disbeliefs in the first place. *Set bold but realistic goals-Setting unrealistically high goals and not meeting them is detrimental to self belief. If you demand too much, too fast, it will backfire. So, set realistic smaller goals, with easy steps to achieve them. When you’ve reach a goal, set a higher one-gradually aim higher as you achieve them- and with each step forward you’ll build more and more self belief. Always research each step thoroughly for clarity- making sure it will get you there. *Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments-Spend time thinking about your strengths and abilities which will also help improve you self-image. Celebrate your wins with the things you love doing, go out for dinner, see a good movie, have a spa day. 20

Self belief *Stop comparing yourself to others-No matter how good you are at something there will always be somebody better than you. And if you focus on this-it will sabotage your self belief. Stay away from comparisons at all cost. *Develop your skills-Self Belief is a reflection of how good you are at handling the various aspects of your life. And the more you grow as a person, the more reasons you have to believe in yourself. Consciously recognize the ways you grow as a person and measure your progress as you grow. Become a lifelong learner and continually aim to better yourself. *Learn from those who have gone before you-Find mentors who have been where you desire to go and learn from them. Make yourself vulnerable to do whatever it takes to learn-and accept it now and then when they correct you-as it is all in the name of learning and growing and becoming better and better every day. * Create a powerful self belief vision with ease and grace-Develop the vision of whatever it is you need to believe you can do or be. Focus on what you want to become. Know your weaknesses and be relaxed with them. Align your thoughts, words and actions which lead to internal stability. Be authentic and self-assured. Act with integrity. The most important and long-lasting relationship you can ever develop is the one with yourself. Cultivate this relationship, nourish it with every possible positive trait and everything else will fall into place. 21

Conscious/subconsciousthinking Your subconscious mind is like a huge memory bank. It’s capacity is virtually unlimited and it permanently stores everything that ever happened to you. To give you a perspective, by the time you reach the age of 21, you have already stored more than one hundred times the content on the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. The function of your subconscious mind is to store and retrieve data. It’s job is to ensure that you respond exactly the way you are programmed. Your subconscious mind makes everything you say and do fit a pattern consistent with your self-concept, your “master program.” This is why repeating positive affirmations are so effective-you can actually reprogram your own thought patterns with positive and success-oriented information. That is why motivational activities, such as reading inspirational quotes are so impactful for people committed to positive thinking. By focusing your thoughts on uplifting ideas, your subconscious will begin to implement a positive pattern in your way of thinking and outlook on life. 22

Conscious/subconsciousthinking • Your subconscious mind is subjective. It does not think or reason independently; it merely obeys the commands it receives from your conscious mind. Your conscious mind commands and your subconscious mind obeys. Your subconscious mind is an unquestioning servant that works day and night to make your behavior fit a pattern consistent with your thoughts, hope and desires. • All of your habits of thinking and acting are stored in your subconscious mind. It has memorized all your comfort zones and it works to keep you in them. The tendency to commit to these patters is one reason why habits can be so hard to break. For you to grow, to get out of your comfort zone, you have to be willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable doing new things the first few times. • The more your are in tune with your subconscious, the closer you will get to changing what doesn’t work for you to those things that do work for you. 23

Self Limited beliefs The good news is that we all experience self-limiting beliefs; the bad news is, that’s right, we all have self-limiting beliefs. There is more good news though-we can do something about them. *Limiting beliefs have a method to their madness, they keep us safe, safe from ever having to take a risk or make a mistake. If you’ve noticed, we really believe that little birdie in our head that keeps saying, you can’t do that, don’t try this, you’re not good enough, smart enough and so on and so on and so on. It can be that when we initiate change in our life or take on a new challenge, we often encounter limiting beliefs. The emotions that get triggered are sometimes negative ones such as fear, anger or sadness. What happens is you come face-to-face with old programs that we created early in life. If you’re not conscious of your behavior, you’ll repeat those old negative patterns and then be wondering-why? Often times, we are not even aware that a limited belief is just a limited belief. It has become a habit, we accept it as reality, as if it’s the way things have to be. We may think we are creating our limiting beliefs in the present, when actually they originated from past events and behavioral patterns. In the moment, we forget that we have a choice to choose a different belief. 24

Self Limited beliefs • Most limited beliefs are created in the developmental stages of childhood. As a result, studies have proven that most people are products of our environment. From the family unit, to how we are parented, to teachers, coaches, friends, church and community. All of these relationships play a role in who we become and how we interpret the world. This is how and when an individual begins to develop their self-image. • Based on lack of maturity and experience, the child can’t be held responsible if he or she isn’t able to distinguish between a positive affirmation and a limiting belief. Until you become aware as an adult that these limitations exist, you can not and will not make any effort to change them. You must first understand why you limit yourself as you do, so you can choose a new choice and a new possibility. • What you believe is your truth. Thoughts are things-whatever you think will create your reality. If you believe you can’t, you probably won’t, if you believe you can, you probably will. The first step in changing your limiting beliefs is to be aware of them. Once we are aware, we can now begin to change our thoughts and behavior, which will allow us to change our actions. Change the inside thoughts and you change the outside, your results. No belief is cast in stone and any belief can be altered if you focus on changing it. 25

Neuroscience and the Brain * Neuroplasticity means that your brain is capable of being altered, both physically and functionally, anytime during your lifetime. This is contrary to the previously held belief that an adult’s brain remains physiologically static or hard-wired after critical development periods in childhood. *Your beliefs (the statements you unchallenging hold as truth) determine the thoughts you have, your thoughts regulate the choices you make, your choices drive the behaviors you exhibit, your behaviors decide the experiences you have, and your experiences finally generate the feelings. Belief-Thoughts-Choices-Behaviors-Experiences-Feelings • The first step towards making a long-lasting change is to identify your self-limiting beliefs(beliefs that impede or hold you back from achieving the desired results in your life) and change them to the new beliefs that reflect your desired destiny. 26

Neuroscience and the Brain • *Beliefs exist in the brain similar to how memories do. Memories are formed in the brain when networks of neurons fire together due to the stimulation caused by a particular event/experience in your life. The more a neural network is employed (either by creating more of such events/experiences in your external environment or by mentally reliving the same experiences by thought alone), the more it fires and the stronger the memory becomes. • * On a physical level, beliefs are certain strong memories that developed into a finite set of neural networks in the brain. • *The good news is that with conscious intervention, it is possible to break this automatic programming. When you mindfully move your awareness from being the old (automatic)self to becoming a conscious observer of the old self, you reclaim the power to no longer be the old self by making different choices, demonstrating different behaviors, and experiencing different feelings. 27

Neuroscience and the Brain *Every time you observe your old thoughts but make a different choice and take a new course of action, you are weakening your old neural networks and forming new ones that reflect your new beliefs, and literally changing your brain physically and functionally. With time, as you continue down this road, the new neural networks become your primary neural networks , while you also erase some of the irrelevant or no longer relevant connection in the brain-all thanks to Neuroplasticity! Neuroplasticity’s most fundamental principal says “neurons that fire together wire together, neurons that no longer fire together no longer wire together. “ 28

Well-being What is Well Being? Do you feel: • Content • Energized • Connected • Balanced Are you able to put the bad days in perspective and live with a sense of purpose. If you answered yes, then you are experiencing wellbeing, a state of general contentment with life and the way things are. In this state we experience balance in body, mind, and spirit and feel connected to purpose, people and community. But many of us aren’t there. Our lifestyle is causing us pain, whether we are tired or stressed or overweight. We feel disconnected from others or stuck in a routine that holds no meaning. We are dissatisfied with our daily lives. We live in worry. 29

Well-being The good news is that –with practice, we can enhance our wellbeing and achieve a state of balance and contentment. We can flourish! Wellbeing begins with the simple question-what can I do to feel content and balanced? Asking this shifts our whole perspective-we are no longer looking to our healthcare providers or government or food companies to tell us what we need to do. We are empowering ourselves to explore what we really need and to evaluate for ourselves what makes sense. Wellbeing comes from within. Your path to wellbeing will be unique to you, arising from an awareness of where you are and what you need. 30

Well-being Dr. Mary Jo Kreitzer, Director of the Center for Spirituality and Healing at the University of Minnesota- through extensive work and research around integrative health and healing- identified 6 factors that contribute to wellbeing: health, relationships, security , purpose , community and environment. The invitation is to explore…. As you proceed: *Listen to your body and mind. Notice what is going on. *Take small steps. Investigate the results. *Create a positive environment where you can succeed. *Include support from others. *Be compassionate to yourself as you go and start again whenever you need to. *Remember that wellbeing is our natural inclination. Trust your sense of what is right for you. *Savor successes. 31

Forgiveness • Forgiveness is a loaded word right! It’s been tossed around self-help circles for years, but little has been made about what science behind forgiveness can teach us. • Forgiveness is not saying what happened was ok. Forgiveness is not saying you accept the person who wronged you. Instead, forgiveness is choosing to accept what happened as it happened, rather than what could or should have happened. Forgiveness can mean that you let go. Forgiveness can mean you love from a distance. Forgiveness can mean you step into the present rather than staying anchored in the past. • We can intellectualize what forgiveness is as long as we want, but it’s a process that takes time for most . When betrayal and miscommunications inhibit our ability to forgive, it’s ok to feel those feelings. Shock and anger often come before forgiveness. Let us respect that process-a process that can happen without us even realizing it. Sometimes by simply exploring the situation and acknowledging the impact of the betrayal, the reasons and context behind the betrayal can be the beginning blocks of forgiveness. • Some people can forgive at the drop of a hat while others need their time. The act of forgiving is one of realizing that holding onto the anger and resentment no longer carries the same weight on us. Instead of seeing something as good or bad, we begin to see things with full acceptance, as they are, however that is. 32

Forgiveness Some people can forgive at the drop of a hat while others need their time. The act of forgiving is one of realizing that holding onto the anger and resentment no longer carries the same weight on us. Instead of seeing something as good or bad, we begin to see things with full acceptance, as they are, however that is. There are a variety of definitions of forgiveness, research has suggested that they all have (3) common components: • 1. Gaining a more balanced view of the offender and the event • 2. Decreasing negative feelings towards the offender and potentially increasing compassion. • 3. Giving up the right to punish the offender further Both research and experience has suggested that one roadblock people face with forgiveness is the idea of being seen as “weak” and saying that what the offender did is excusable. However, let’s take a look at the definitions above. In many ways, it actually takes more strength to forgive. Staying angry and bitter is easy a lot of the time. We can accommodate and get used to our angry feelings. It takes a lot more work to forgive. So to suggest that forgiveness equals weakness is actually false, forgiveness is powerful. 33

Forgiveness The truth is forgiveness is more powerful than you might think. Just like with anything in life, there are costs to your choices. Staying angry, resentful and vengeful comes at a price. All these feelings can have a detrimental impact on your physical and emotional heath as well as you relationships. People with higher levels of forgiveness, tend to have better health habits and decreased depression, anxiety and anger levels. Greater levels of forgiveness were associated with more satisfying relationships. The importance of forgiveness is not for the other person but for you. Don’t allow your mind and your body to go through another day feeling vengeful and angry. How do you begin the process of forgiveness? As you move through the process, you will see that forgiveness can involve drawing boundaries for yourself and simply figuring out what that boundary is. 34

Self - Love • Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-Love is dynamic, it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts. • 7-Step Prescription for Self-Love 1. Become Mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them. 2.Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love. 35

Self- Love 3. Practice self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions. 4. Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are. 5. Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. Evaluate your friends. Remove toxic relationships. Get rid of them! There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away instead of add to your life. You will love and respect yourself more. 6. Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our action is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness(the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned. 36

Self- Love 7. Live intentionaly. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions, to do this. If you can begin to start working on these self-love actions , you will begin to accept and love yourself more. Just imagine how much you’ll appreciate youwhen you exercise these seven-steps to self-love. It is true that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself. When you begin to take action on these self love steps , you allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way. The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for healthy relating. Even more, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well being. 37

Energy • *Everything is Energy and the science of Quantum Physics is now offering conclusive evident of this most basic fact of our universe. Both our nonphysical and physical aspects of our universe are made up of energy and intelligence that vibrates. Nothing rests. The difference between physical matter that we can perceive with our senses and the unseen is the rate of vibration. The law is responsible for the difference between what we can see with our naked eyes, like our hands, for example , and that which we cannot see but is there, like a radio wave. There is just energy, some call it source energy and that’s all there is and it comes in many different and constantly changing forms and vibrational frequencies. The differences are how energies interact with each other. *The basic definition of Law of Attraction states that energy attracts to itself other energy with which it’s in vibrational resonance with. 38

Energy • Humans have the unique ability and gift of consciously controlling our thoughts. We have choice and free will and the ability to direct our energy consciously. Our thoughts create a very real and specific vibration (whether we are aware of it or not) and that energy will seek out it’s vibrational match. • * Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics-Albert Einstein As humans with consciousness and free will, there are many layers involved because we’ve formed our own belief systems based on what others have taught us as well as what we’ve allowed ourselves to believe through our own experiences. This can be our power but also our challenge because we all have our own limiting beliefs that are obstructing the flow of this energy within us that we are most times unaware of consciously. We are ALWAYS vibrating something , and we are attracting the perfect match of that into our lives. 39

Success Principles • Success Principles-Nuggets of Insight • Success is a combination lock. You need to find what works for you. • Practice 30 days with no interruption to sink in a new habit. • If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me. • Give up all blaming and complaining. • Make an irritation list. List all the things that are bothering you and then work your list. • Who’s worrying you? You are. • It’s not what people say to you, it’s what you say to yourself. • Take 100% responsibility for your life. • Be clear on what you want. • Align with your purpose. • Visualize-open up possibilities. 40

Success Principles • Action can be wrong. That’s ok. It’s important to take action, learn, and change your approach. • Respond to feedback: 1)what did I get on a scale of 1-10 2) what would it take to get a 10? • Get your steps in a row. • Persevere. • Celebrate, give thanks, and appreciate. • Attitude is everything. • Take responsibility for what’s showing up. • Model success. Find somebody who already did it. • Truth is power. • Dream big. Have big visions. Most everything that you want is outside your comfort zone. –Jack Canfield 41

References • The Magic of Neuroplasticity in the Personal Transformation - AnkushGakhar • How to Develop Self Belief In Your Life-SofieAngevaare-Mind Valley • The 7 Pillars for a Happier Life – Marci Shimoff • The Neuroscience of Gratitude-Emily Fletcher • The Science of Gratitude-How it Changes People, Relationship (and Brains!)and How to Make it Work For You.-Karen Young • TransformationSeekersGuide.com • The Power of Your Subconscious Mind-Brain Tracy • Transform Your Life With The Power Of Positive Thinking-Brian Tracy • Seven-Step Prescription for Self Love-Psychology Today • Wellbeing model by Mary Jo Kreitzer, RN. PhD ,FAAN Director, Center for Spirituality & Healing • Lessons Learned from Jack Canfield and author of The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. 42

Personal Development