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Steps to Respect : Parents and Teachers Working Together

Steps to Respect : Parents and Teachers Working Together. Steps To Respect at Fairmeadow Elementary Presenters: Gloria Moskowitz-Sweet, PPSC, LCSW Holly Pedersen, PhD.

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Steps to Respect : Parents and Teachers Working Together

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  1. Steps to Respect: Parents and Teachers Working Together Steps To Respect at Fairmeadow Elementary Presenters: Gloria Moskowitz-Sweet, PPSC, LCSW Holly Pedersen, PhD

  2. “Our research on child development makes it clear that there is only one way to truly combat bullying. As an essential part of the school curriculum, we have to teach children how to be good to one another, how to cooperate, how to defend someone who is being picked on and how to stand up for what is right.” - Susan Engel, PhD, Marlene Sandstrom, PhD

  3. Our Focus • Steps to Respect at Fairmeadow: Teachers’ perspective • How to recognize bullying • Gender differences • Intervening in the moment • How to empower your child • The importance of friendship

  4. Lessons Practiced in the Classroom and School Yard

  5. STR Teaches Children How To: • Cope effectively with bullying • Build friendships • Recognize bullying • Assertively refuse bullying • Report bullying to adults • Take a stand against bullying

  6. How To Recognize Bullying? • A conscious, willful, repeated and deliberately hostile act intended to inflict pain, discomfort, and induce fear • Will always include these 3 elements: • Imbalance of power • Intent to harm • Threat of further aggression • Is systematic and ongoing

  7. Is it Bullying Behavior? A 5th grade student repeatedly teases a 3rd grade student about his hair, making the boy cry and say he wants to go home Yes Two third grade boys are rough-housing and one of them gets hurt No During foursquare, a new 2nd grade student is always excluded from the game by a group of students Yes A 4th grade student teases her friend about having a crush on a boy in her class No

  8. Behavior That Might Indicate Bullying Signs a Child is Target of Social Cruelty • Abrupt lack of interest in school • Loss of friends; changes in friends; lack of friends • Headaches, stomachaches, physical complaints • Separation anxiety at morning drop-off • Poor appetite at lunch/snack time • Unusually sad, moody, anxious, withdrawn • Isolated from peers • Avoids the playground

  9. Teasing Some is natural It’s mutual Does not involve physical threats Occurs in a friendly atmosphere Occurs from time to time, not constantly Is it Teasing or Bullying?

  10. Is it Conflict or Bullying? • Occasional peer conflict is inevitable • Both sides have equal power to resolve the problem

  11. Gender Differences

  12. Words Hurt

  13. Gender Differences: Girls • Girls bond more intimately with other girls • Isolation and exclusion is traumatizing for girls • Girls talk on the playground • Girls are socialized to be “nice” • When girls become troubled, they get sad

  14. Gender Differences: Boys • Boys form social bonds through group activities • Group humiliation for being perceived as effeminate, weak, or “gay” is traumatizing for boys • Boys play on the playground • Boys are socialized to be “tough” • When boys become troubled, they get mad

  15. What Can Parents Do When Witnessing Bullying Behavior? On the playground On field trips When you are an aide in the classroom Before and after school

  16. Understand the Three R’s Recognize the bullying Refuse the bullying Report the bullying

  17. Active Supervision • Circulating continuously • Organize games • Introduce activities • Try to engage all children • Providing praise for positive behavior • Helping children problem solve • Have each child state the problem and their feelings • Have each child come up with two solutions • Help children pick a solution

  18. Stay In the Moment Intervene during the activity to shift the behavior of all children involved . This can prevent the bullying from escalating and from continuing. Involves all players, including helping bystanders move to upstanders

  19. Stay In the Moment Step 1: Recognize bullying Is a student being excluded, taunted, or treated differently? Is it happening repeatedly? Is the student responding passively, reacting with sadness, frustration, withdrawal?

  20. Stay In the Moment Step 2: Call out the behavior you want stopped and include expectations “We don’t exclude, we include everybody.” “We don’t call people names, we are kind to each other. Show me how you can be a friend.” “We don’t hurt each other, we help each other.” Step 3: Use the Step to Respect School Rules How do we treat each other fairly? Are you beingcaring and kind? How can you be helpful to each other? Stand up for others

  21. Caring Schools, Involved Communities Report to School Personnel

  22. After the Moment How to Talk About Bullying The Importance of Friendship Remain calm; don’t over-empathize or over-react Be supportive: listen, believe, validate Encourage student to describe the situation Say: Nobody deserves to be bullied or treated badly

  23. Supporting The Bystander Some Bystander facts: • 90% of children report that they do not like watching bullying • Yet only 11% of bullying bystanders intervene • Bullying stops in 10 seconds nearly 60% of the time when a bystander intervenes

  24. Teaching Students the Steps to Becoming an Upstander Stand up to the bullying child during the incident Talk to the bullying child in private Ask the target to leave the group with you Distract the group Tell an adult Ask the target to join you and your friends Talk to the target privately: give support Don’t be an onlooker: walk away, don’t participate

  25. Create a School-Wide Anti-Bullying Contract

  26. How Can I Empower My Child?

  27. How To Talk About Bullying • Up To Second Grade • Help them manage these situations • Give them language to use • Give them behaviors to use • Speak to teachers or principal if bullying continues • They are looking for reassurance -- be careful not to overreact • Give them confidence that it will be ok

  28. Talking About Bullying • Third through Sixth Grade • Able to begin making sense of their own power in relation to others • Come up with a plan together to address problem • Don’t rescue – empower them • Role playing and real examples

  29. Sensitive about exposing weaknesses Hard to show vulnerability Before talking: “you are not in trouble” “It is not your fault” May feel guilty about not being able to handle himself Let him know you believe and trust him Gender Differences Talking To Boys

  30. Talking to Girls • Need to feel valued before opening up • Be specific about how you value them • May not know that relational aggression is bullying • “I want to hear your experiences” • “I believe you” • Validate that what she is experiencing is bullying

  31. Supporting the Bystander • Clarify the In/out rule* • Compliment the student for having the courage to care and tell. • Discuss options: • What could they say to the child who bullies? • What could they do to help the target? • How can they show the target their support? *Adapted from “No Room For Bullies” (2005)

  32. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.”-African Proverb

  33. Empowering Your Child • Step 1: Recognize • Read cues to initiate a talk • Help your child open up • React calmly • Use active listening techniques • Take breaks • Praise *Excerpts from “Bullyproof Your Child For Life” By: Joel Haber, Ph.D.

  34. Empowering Your Child • Phase Two: Help your child act on a plan • Has this ever happened to me before? • Does the person who is bullying know he hurt me? • Am I in physical danger? • Do I feel powerful enough to confront this person? • Can I rely on help from others? • Role play with your child

  35. Empowering Your Child • Persevere: Continue communicating with your child • Find creative ways to keep your child talking openly to you • Work on friendships- build new ones strengthen existing ones • Invite kids over • Martial Arts classes

  36. The Importance of Friendship

  37. The Importance of Friendship Skills • Prevent bullying • Buffer kids from harmful effects of bullying • Help kids cope after being bullied Principals in Second Step and Steps to Respect programs

  38. Top 10 friendship and social skills Ability to share possessions, space and relationships Being kind and helpful Cooperating Losing and winning well Being able to join a group/activity Ability to listen Being able to start/have a conversation (questions) Being able to keep confidences and secrets Empathy and understanding Belief/understanding that friendship does not include mean behavior, cruelty or abuse & ability to end a friendship that does

  39. With Second Step and Steps To Respect “Planting The Seed” Parents Place Palo Alto 200 Channing Ave Palo Alto, CA 94301 (650) 688-3030

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