$$$ How much are parents worth $$$

1. $$$ How much are parents worth $$$

2. Journal QuestionTopic: Parent Worth Date: 11/19/12 $$$ How much are your parents worth $$$ • Make a list of ALL the tasks your mother OR father does as a parent for you, the home, the family, etc., and write how much you think they should be paid per year for each item on the list! • Make an annual salary for him/her as if parenting were a paid job!

3. Job Application: MOM POSITION TITLE: Mother, mom, mommy, mama, ma JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive carrier duties also required.

4. RESPONSIBILITIES:The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

5. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

6. Parenting Readiness Test Take this simple test to determine whether or not you are ready to have children…… • The Mess Test • Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

7. Parenting Readiness Test • The Toy Test • Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. DO NOT SCREAM!! (This could wake a sleeping child). • The Grocery Store Test • Borrow 1 or 2 small animals (goats are best) and take then with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

8. Parenting Readiness Test • The Dressing Test • Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside. • The Feeding Test • Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (fruit loops or cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. When finished, dump the contents of the jug on the floor and over your clothes.

9. Parenting Readiness Test • The Night Test • Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12lbs of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these until 4am. Set alarm for 5am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful!

10. Parenting Readiness Test • Ingenuity Test • Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Coco Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. • Automobile Test • Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cd player. Take a family size package of chocolate chips cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There perfect!

11. Parenting Readiness Test • The Physical Test (Women) • Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to your front under your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a while. • The Physical Test (Men) • Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

12. Mean Parents! I loved you enough!! Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them: I loved you enough… To ask you where you were gong, with whom, and what time you would be home. To insist that you save your money and buy a bike for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you. To be silent and let you discover that you new best friend was a creep. To make you pay for the bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, “I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it”

13. Mean Parents! I loved you enough… To stand over you for 2 hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes. To let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes; children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect. To let you assume the responsibility for your actions, even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart. But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I’m glad I won them, because in the end you won too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them….I loved you enough!!

14. Journal QuestionTopic: Mean Parent Date: 11/19/12 Write about a time you were gladyou had a “mean” parent. • What was the situation when the parent was “mean” • How did you feel during this situation at the time it was occurring? • What was the results of your parent being “mean” • How do you feel now towards their decision, attitude, etc.? Do you agree with them now and see why they did it, or do you still think it was mean?