Refining Your Writing

1. Refining Your Writing

2. Some Feedback • A stronger sense of connection/disconnection needs to be made between the individual and the place • Avoid being too obvious: - “I feel like I’m an outsider to the world I used to belong to…” - “[His] initial thoughts were that of unity, pride and of course belonging…” - “I look around to find that I am isolated and that no one wants to help…” - “I remember very clearly the land that I owned and belonged to…” • More distinct imagery needs to be used to develop character and setting

3. Setting • Decide upon at least one setting in which you will set this belonging story. • Brainstorm sensory imagery to describe this setting. As your MC does not belong, then this will be reflected in your imagery. • Consider if there are to be other people in the description of setting – if there are, they too can contribute to the feeling of isolation of your character.

4. A MODEL OPENING Noise echoed metallically throughout the low ceilinged corridor, bouncing off the floor to roof glass as the rush of people moved towards the exit. Kate could feel the cold air emanate from the reflecting glass. No one spoke. There was only the thud of footsteps on the carpeted floor, the people moving like a controlled tide. It seemed to be a race to see which individual could escape from the throngs of people with their accompanying hand-baggage trundling behind them, a loyal dog in their walk towards the exit. Though the word above the door which she presumed to be the exit didn’t say exit. It was L’uscita. Her school Italian came back to her as she recalled the need for the definite article with all nouns of this language. Funny – she couldn’t discuss the grammar of her own language, but was able to identify it in another.

5. Establishing Sensory Imagery Nature had come into her own again and, little by little, in her stealthy, insidious way had encroached upon the drive with long tenacious fingers. The woods, always a menace even in the past, had triumphed in the end. They crowded, dark and uncontrolled, to the borders of the drive. The beeches with white naked limbs leant close to one another, their branches intermingled in a strange embrace, making a vault above my head like the archway of a church. And there were other trees that I did not recognise, squat oaks and tortured elms that straggled cheek by jowl with the beeches, and had thrust themselves out of the quiet earth, along with monster shrubs and plants, none of which I remembered. Rebecca, D. Du Maurier

6. Lola reached Sarajevo just as the first light spilled over the mountain ridges and silvered the rain-slicked alleys. Knowing she could not make it alone all the way to the liberated territory, she had turned back toward the city. She made her way down familiar streets, sidling along the line of the buildings, seeking whatever small protection they afforded from the drizzling rain and from unfriendly eyes. She smelled the familiar city scents of wet pavement, rotting garbage, and burning coal. Starving, soaked, and in despair, she walked without any clear destination until she found herself at the steps of the finance ministry, where her father had worked. The building was still and deserted. Lola climbed the broad staircase. She ran a hand across the dark bas-relief that framed the entrance, and sank onto her haunches in the doorway. She watched the raindrops hit the stairs, each drop sending out concentric circles that linked for a moment and then dissolved. In the mountains, she had pushed the memories of her family to the back of her mind, afraid that if she opened the door to grief, she would be unable to close it. Here, memories of her father pressed upon her. She wished to be a child again, protected, safe. The People of the Book, Geraldine Brooks

7. Creating and Structuring A Belonging Story

8. Your story needs to have complexity • This means you will need to examine a range of types of belonging. • Returning to the rubric: Perceptions and ideas of belonging, or of not belonging, vary. These perceptions are shaped within personal, cultural, historical and social contexts. A sense of belonging can emerge from the connections made with people, places, groups, communities and the larger world. • You will need to try to include people who belong and people who don’t; groups versus individual; relationships; choices made to belong and not belong; exclusion; family/friends/teams; place.

9. Basic Structure of A Story • S – set the scene – give details about setting, character, use an engaging opening technique • I – introduce the problem • R – the rising action or all the events that occur until the moment before everything is resolved. This is the main part of your story. • C – the moment before the problem is resolved. • A – the movement towards the resolution. • R – where everything is resolved.

10. SIRCAR • Set the scene – One to two paragraph description of the setting and the MC feels that she does not belong. • Introduce the problem - she makes a feeble attempt to reach out to others around her. • Rising action - a number of events happen(2-3), each building up from the last that forces her decision. • Crisis - Battle. The main character meets the malevolent force that is stopping her belonging or that wants to expel her from the group head on and is forced to dig deep. • Adjustment - this go back to normal and something happens to move it to this direction. • Resolution. Character finds courage and there is a growing sense of belonging, acceptance of/from others and self, or failure and rejection.

11. The structure of a short story: The climax of the story The tension rises and rises The resolution The Opening: setting the scene

12. A Basic Structure S - The MC feels like she belongs or not – convey this through imagery or other methods. I - The main character faces a minor conflict. It does not have to be the opponent, but it could be. R - The main character sense of belonging feels seriously threatened. This could be because the opponent intensifies the threat or now is introduced. The main character faces their worst nightmare of belonging. The fear is intensified so the stakes are raised. It does not reach a climax though – the final battle is next. C - This is the final battle for belonging. The main character faces their worst nightmare of belonging full on and makes a decisive attack requiring courage. A – the one to two events or elements that occur as the character moves towards belonging R - The main character either feels a partial sense of belonging or despair, depending on the outcome. NEVER END YOUR STORY SAYING “NOW SHE FELT LIKE SHE BELONGED” OR ANOTHER TRITE CLICHED ENDING. Please note the R section – this is an element that many students are not successful in.

13. Ideas for Storylines

14. Cultural – a new experience in a foreign land or place; disputes between friends or family due to cultural differences; clash of cultures with second or third generation Australians; clash of cultures between friends; • Returning home from another country or place: returning to work after a period of time working in an orphanage; returning to Australia after living overseas; returning after a gap year. • Family relations and disputes: a child returning home after a long period • Team sports or activities – drama, musical, committees: performances • Natural disasters: floods, tsunami, earthquake, drought • Ill health: long sickness, a sickness is announced • New experiences: starting work, new school, charity work, boarding

15. Your turn • You need to think about the idea of belonging and the suggestions for stories – and create a list of possible storylines in pairs. • We will share them so that we can build a bank of possible storylines. • Then choose one of the storylines – think who the main character will be.