Enhancing Self Esteem and Self Confidence for Personal Growth and Success

1. CHAPTER 3 BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-CONFIDENCE

2. INTRODUCTORY CONCEPTS • Self-Esteem is the overall evaluation people make of themselves, positive or negative. • The self-concept is what we think about ourselves. • Self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves. • Positive self-esteem leads to a positive self-concept.

3. EIGHT SYMPTOMS OF SELF-ESTEEM (from Self-Esteem Checklist) • Excitement about starting each day • Self-confidence for new assignments • Working up to potential • Tolerating negative feedback • Emotional lift from hard work • Accepting sincerity of compliments • Able to compliment others • Can face up to mistakes

4. HOW SELF-ESTEEM DEVELOPS • Evolves based on interactions with people. • Early-life encouragement is helpful. • Genuine accomplishment followed by praise and recognition is important. • Leadership that encourages self-rewards can bolster self-esteem.

5. SEQUENCE OF EVENTS FOR DEVELOPING SELF-ESTEEM Social science research suggests this sequence: Person establishes a goal person pursues the goal person achieves the goal person develops esteem-like feelings. • Note carefully that esteem-like feelings result from goal accomplishment, not the reverse.

6. CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES LEADING TO HIGH SELF-ESTEEM • Being praised • Being listened to • Being spoken to respectfully • Getting attention and hugs • Experiencing success in sports or school • Doing well, then receiving credit

7. CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES LEADING TO LOW SELF-ESTEEM • Being harshly criticized • Being yelled at or beaten • Being ignored, ridiculed or teased • Being expected to be always “perfect” • Many failure experiences in sports or school • Messages that failed experiences were failures of whole self

8. CONSEQUENCES OF SELF-ESTEEM • Good mental health (situations may seem less stressful) • Favorable work attitudes and high performance. • High self-esteem workers help company prosper. • Possible negative consequences including undermining others and envy.

9. EXTERNAL VS. INTERNAL SOURCES OF SELF-ESTEEM • When based on external sources, students reported more stress, anger, academic problems, interpersonal problems, drug and alcohol problems, and eating disorders. • When based on internal sources, students received higher grades, and were less likely to use alcohol or drugs, or have eating disorders.

10. ENHANCING SELF-ESTEEM • Attain legitimate accomplishments. • Be aware of personal strengths (begin with a list of strengths). • Rebut the inner critic (the negative voice inside you). • Practice self-nurturing (treat yourself). • Minimize settings and interactions that detract from your feeling competent.

11. ENHANCING SELF-ESTEEM, continued • Get help from others (e.g., ask friends what they think of you). • Model the behavior of people with high self-esteem (especially people you know personally) • Create a high self-esteem living space (one that honors the person you are).

12. THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CONFIDENCE AND SELF-EFFICACY • Self-efficacy is confidence in your ability to carry out a specific task. Leads to good job performance. • Self-confident people set relatively high goals for themselves. • Self-confidence contributes to leadership effectiveness. • Positive thinking helps attain goals.

13. SOURCES OF FEELINGS OF SELF-CONFIDENCE • Actual experience (things done) • Experience of others (modeling, watching others succeed) • Social comparison (comparing self to others) • Social persuasion (credible person convinces you that you can do it) • Emotional arousal (how we feel about events around us)

14. DEVELOPING AND ENHANCING SELF-CONFIDENCE • Develop a solid knowledge base. • Use positive self-talk. (Programs the mind with positive messages.) • Avoid negative self-talk (e.g., “I may be stupid but….” • Use positive visual imagery (imagine a positive outcome).

15. DEVELOPING AND ENHANCING SELF-CONFIDENCE, continued • Set high expectations for yourself (the Galeta Effect or self-fulfilling prophecy). • Develop the explanatory style of optimists (problems are temporary). • Strive for peak performance (achieve flow or get in the zone ).

16. DEVELOPING AND ENHANCING SELF-CONFIDENCE, continued • Bounce back from setbacks and embarrassments (be resilient). • Get past the emotional turmoil. • Do not take the setback personally. • Do not panic. • Get help from your support network. • Find a creative solution to problem.

17. Positive Self-Talk • Objectively state the incident that is causing you to doubt your self-worth. • Interpret what incident does not mean. • Interpret what incident does mean. • Account for cause of incident. • State how to prevent incident from happening again. • Now, use positive self-talk.

18. AVOIDING NEGATIVESELF-TALK • Low self-confidence is reflected in statements, such as: “I may be stupid but…” “I know I’m usually wrong but…” • Do not use negative self-labels, such as: “idiotic,” “ugly,” “dull,” “loser,” and “hopeless.” • Negative self-labeling damages self-confidence.

19. Dr. Denis Waitley says… Although we are always seeking improvement, the real winner’s edge in self-esteem is reached when the individual can accept himself or herself just as he or she is at this moment. Since the perfect human has not been discovered, we all need to live with our hang-ups and idiosyncrasies—until they can be ironed out. One of the most important aspects of self-esteem that accounts for successful, dynamic living is that of self-acceptance.