Reflected Appraisal Theory:

1. Reflected Appraisal Theory: (Looking Glass Self) We use our “significant others” as mirrors to determine our self worth. Significant Others: we look up to them and value their opinions.

2. Social Comparison Theory • We compare our talents and abilities with others to see how we “measure up.” • Appropriate reference group: people who are similar to us. • Inappropriate reference group: people who are superior to us in ability.

3. Self Fulfilling Prophecy • We think we will fail, so we fail. Or, we think we will succeed, so we do. • Pygmalion Effect: Someone treats you as if you will fail (or succeed) and you do.

4. Emotional Flooding: Your emotions take over and flood into other areas of your life. You “display” your emotions, often using “You” statements

5. Emotional Intelligence • You control yourself and express your emotions in a mature way. • No one can make you feel an emotion; you are responsible for your own emotions!

6. What is the difference between thoughts and feelings? Thoughts: Our intellectual ideas Feelings: Our emotions I feel this is the wrong thing to do. I think this is the wrong thing to do. Our thoughts can stir up our emotions until they boil over!

7. What is self talk? Debilitative Thoughts: You talk to yourself in a negative way, until your emotions boil over and you react! Facilitative Thoughts: You tell yourself that you are the one in control, use dual perspective, think about the mature way you will act – not react!

8. Advantages of I-Statements • I-Statements are honest. • I-statements decrease defensiveness. • You are in charge of your own emotions! • You stay in control. • Self disclosure: If you open up, they may open up, too.