Does True Love Exist?

1. Does True Love Exist? Andrew Moakes

2. Through this presentation we will explore the question: Does love actually exist or are we all just chasing a fairytale? How has love evolved over time? Does having a healthy relationship require love?

3. This short film will set the mood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eak9Q6r4kvo

4. Introduction The suffering and ecstasy of love have been central and enduring themes of imaginative literature throughout the ages. Still, the configuration of this sought after emotion continues to be enigmatic and to elude scientific knowledge. There is no agreed upon definition of love. The concept itself is loosely applied to a variety of human relationships with both animate and inanimate object, and little clarity has emerged as the the common thread uniting these diverse expressions of love or distinguishing one type of love experience from another. ~Waltraud Ireland

5. The origins of Love • Love as we know it in the Western World has its origins in classical Greece, from Plato’s work The Symposium. • Plato recounts a myth about the origin of love with dominant themes of loss, longing, and re-finding. • These themes are echoed in modern day psychoanalytic views on love. It was prevalent from the beginning that love was a thing of joy but also of great pain and loss. It is said that the Greek Gods punished man with love because they tried to imitate the gods.

6. As Plato said in The Symposium… It is with this distant epoch, then, that we may date the innate love which human beings feel for one another, the love which restores us to our ancient state by attempting to weld two beings into one and to heal the wound which humanity suffered. ~Plato Plato is also accredited with the achievement of moving the discussion about love from the mythological to philosophical.

7. The Three (Four) concepts of Love • It is said that love consists of three parts: • Eros • Agape • Amore • However Sigmund Freud added a fourth!!! • Libido These concepts developed over time into what we know as love today

8. Eros Eros is the desire and passion of the human body. It embodies the sexual appetite and on an elementary level it is the “zeal of the organs, male and female, for each other” (Campbell 1973) Eros developed during classical Greece. According to Plato, eros is a universal principle active in everyone, striving for good and for happiness. This striving indicates that there is a lack of happiness and that it has not yet been obtained. It can indicate that there is an awareness of a deficiency in oneself which must be fulfilled.

9. Eros“Platonic love, at its… highest level, is thus an affair of the soul, of two noble minds coming together for the purpose of spiritual procreation, an activity of which only men are capable” ~Plato During this time marriages were arranged for the purpose of producing children and keeping house. Women were not considered worthy objects of romance. Women were not considered objects or subjects of eros and were not considered part of conjugal love.

10. Eros According to Demosthenes: “Mistresses we keep for pleasure, concubines for daily attendance upon our person, wives to bear us legitimate children and be our faithful housekeepers.” Omitted here is love, because love during this time was only between males. The ideal romantic couple was an older male and a youth who would be showered with affection and attention. In other times and places these practices came to be associated with heterosexual love.

11. Agape Agape is a higher, transfiguring, spiritual order of love. It is the love of wisdom and a desire to attain knowledge of universal truths. We seek for this knowledge and have a will to attain it through our significant other.

12. Amor The rise of amor in the 11th century brought on a whole new dimension to love. Personal preference, individual experience, and the personality of the beloved were very important. It is also known as courtly love. Amor developed in the wake of the cult of the Virgin Mary. Mortal women, and not heaven or the heavenly queen, came to be seen as the desire for love.

13. Amor Between the eleventh and fourteenth centuries an understanding of love developed in Western Europe that has been described as different from anything before it and has been described by Campbell as “one of the most important mutations not only of human feeling but also of the spiritual consciousness of our human race There arose a love poetry, after European contact with the middle east, in France and Spain.

14. Amor This love poetry celebrates the passionate love of women and was spread throughout the land by poets, troubadours and minnesingers. The pursuit of love quickly spread as many people felt an unfulfilled desire. The idea of being in love became a kind of religion. What distinguished amor form eros and agape was that love became specific, personal, and discriminating.

15. Love in the middle ages and the church During the renaissance romanticism exploded in popularity. Tales of knights in shining armor rescuing and courting fair maidens were popular amoung common folk and nobles alike. Everyone longed for true love. The church grasped love and used it in its core teachings. “Love thy neighbor as you do thyself”. The church wanted to spread the idea of loving each other, and finding love in marriage.

16. Libido Freud’s development of the libido theory brought on a psychological dimension to love, “which opened up new ways of understanding the vicissitudes, conflicts and ambivalences of love.” (Campbell 1973) This new dimension brought sexual desire into the scope of love. Sex was viewed not only as a marital act but as a way to express love to another.

17. What is love today? In our culture two important entities to adulthood are knowing how to communicate about love, and understanding how to make courtship and relationships work. Through common literature, films, and songs we learn how love is expressed in our culture. These are not the only ways that we learn about love but they provide us with a good knowledge.

18. Literature on love is characterized by a high degree of ambivalence, a weaving back and forth between the two opposite poles of love and hate. “ It touches upon the other fundamental polarities governing human existence that indulges our ideas on love, such as male and female, good and evil, life and death, nature and nurture, fantasy and reality, active and passive. It is as if two seemingly opposite views about love, as either something terrifying or as something comforting are constantly struggling for expression.” ~Lasky

19. “The prime source of sex-shared love education is music- the lyrics of popular songs. They are a virtual barometer of where adolescents are at, in love and sex.” ~John Money “Setting words to music gives them weight, makes them somehow easier to say and helps them to be remembered. It may be that we can sing what we often cannot say, whether it be from shyness, fear, lack of the right words or the passion or dramatic gift to express them. ~ Richard Rodgers

20. Looking back at the 1940’s and 50’s popular songs set the tone for expectations of love. For women love had to be immediate, non-ambivalent, urgent, idealizing, everlasting, painful, completely satisfying, and passionate. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pU_8D5jBqd0

21. Love can be seen in our culture as a type of salvation, a “central condition of human existence” necessary for survival (Gaylin). Love separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom because it goes beyond mere necessity, it “transforms the animal side of our nature” (Singer). Love is more then just sexuality and is more then required to keep our species going. In this way love is a uniquely human trait.

22. So do you think you are in love? How do you know if you are with the right person? Read the following blurb because it makes some interesting points. http://loveundefiled.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-do-i-know-if-i-am-with-right-person.html

23. With so many people in the world how do I know that this love is real? In our western culture we are always wondering if the person we are with is really the person we are “meant to be with”, but what about cultures where the person they are meant to be with are chosen by someone else. Is this real love? Lets take a look… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmzoixhQigU

24. Arranged marriage It is pretty interesting to learn that only 5% of arranged marriages end in divorce. I wanted to find out more about how couples in arranged marriages feel in their relationship so I sat down to some coffee with an old family friend who comes from Egypt. The stories she told were pretty interesting. This was not a formal interview and so I did not write record word for word what was discussed but the following main points were prevalent.

25. Interview with Naehed Andraoes Age 60 Was married in Alexandria Egypt in 1984 through an arrangement with family friends. I wanted to find out in general her feelings towards her arranged marriage. Was she nervous? Did she feel any resentment or anger towards her parents for giving her no choice? Was she happy with her husband? Does she feel like she is in love? Was it love at first site?

26. Interview with Naehed Andraoes Naehed’s feelings overall towards her marriage were very positive. She told me that she was not immediately in love with her husband but that she thought he was very handsome. She said her love for him grew over time. She never felt that she should be with someone else because she was never given a choice. She never doubts her marriage and told me that she never will. She has a son and a daughter who both grew up in the US and she said she would like to arrange their marriages as well but knows that their thoughts of relationships are much different then hers because of the culture that they learned. She would never force her children to marry anyone they don’t want to but she said that she is still looking for potential husbands and wives for her kids.

27. Interview with Naehed Andraoes Having never really spoken to Naehed about her marriage before it was interesting for me to learn how her relationship developed. I had always considered arranged marriages to be a bad thing because they couple has no say in the matter but after speaking with her and learning about the divorce percentage I see it is not as bad as I thought. Couples learn to love each other and they never doubt that the marriage is wrong. It is what they are given and they learn to love it and live their lives.

28. It is said that 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. • It is difficult to say if this statistic is necessarily true but it is close. • The largest percentage of these divorces occurred between people 20-24 years old. • The divorce rate in America for first marriages is approximately 41% • 60% of second marriages end in divorce • 73% of third marriages end in divorce

29. Why exactly do long term relationships end? #1 You think you’re too good. #2 You feel constrained #3 Lack of communication #4 Expectations from each other #5 Difference in cultural background #6 Jealousy, Insecurity, Trust

30. How do couples make relationships work? Once love is established in a relationship, actively expressing love to each other will maintain and increase the loving feelings in both partners. Romance is essential at least some of the time Committing to a partners emotional well-being, even when it isn’t easy is a must. Share affection, through good and bad times, when it is needed the most and when it is not expected. Show the love with kissing, hugging, cuddling etc. Let others know how much the partner is desired.

31. So does love actually exist and can we all fall in love? As we read in the blurb earlier falling in love is easy. That is why it is called “falling” in love. One doesn’t usually realize that it is happening. It happens on its own accord. It is after time, when all the little quirks about your partner become nuisances that a couple must really work at love. Love becomes difficult after time and it is easy to give up and find something new. The feeling of falling in love is really nice a lot of people want to have that feeling all the time in their relationship. Unfortunately it doesn’t work this way. What is more rewarding in the long run however

32. So does love actually exist and can we all fall in love? It is difficult to say if love exists because even scientists have not been able to define exactly what love is. A central theme as we have seen throughout this powerpoint is that love has evolved throughout the ages and relationships differ between cultures. A relationship is all about how hard the couple wants to work to stay together and how they define love. It is easy to give up on a relationship but it is much more rewarding and satisfying to make a relationship work.

33. Does love actually exist? This question must be answered on a person to person basis. Throughout the research presented, it is clear that the individual must believe in love in order for love to exist. Love is not physical, one can not touch it or hold it. Love is a belief and a way of life. Love exists between two people who want love in their relationship and who work to keep love in their relationship. Love is not a fairytale, although fairytales do help us in our quest for love, by showing us how to love and to desire love.

34. Works cited "Arranged Marriage Interview Love Can Be Arranged." YouTube. YouTube, 09 Oct. 2012. Web. 5 Apr. 2013. Bruckner, Pascal. The Paradox of Love. Princeton: Princeton UP, 2011. Print. "Discover Happiness: How Do I Know If I Am with the Right Person?" Discover Happiness: How Do I Know If I Am with the Right Person?N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Apr. 2013. "Divorce Rate Doubled Over Past 20 Years: Factors Include Aging, Loss of Stigma and Financial Concerns." TheLedger.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Mar. 2013. Lasky, Judith F., and Helen W. Silverman. Love: Psychoanalytic Perspectives. New York: New York UP, 1988. Print. "What Is Love?" YouTube. YouTube, 31 May 2007. Web. 13 Apr. 2013.