Revision Visions!

1. Revision Visions! Using your rough draft, go through the power point and complete the activities on each page… You have a MAX of 4 minutes at each “construction station” and then you will be automatically moved forward. If you don’t finish, you can go back at the end (if there’s time) OR finish for homework If you finish in under 4 minutes, just click the screen to move on! Finish before everyone else? Start adding the finishing touches to your paper for final publishing.

2. Rewrite your “grabber” (introduction) • Check your paper to make sure you have one of the following: • Start with an anecdote or story • Start with an example • Start with a question • Start with a definition • Start with a SURPRISING fact • Start with a well-written, concise summary (an abstract) • Start with a quotation. Now check your paper

3. Rewrite your “clincher” (conclusion) • Conclude with a thought-provoking question • Conclude with a call to action • Conclude by explaining “what it all means” as a whole • Conclude with a meaningful quote • Conclude with an evaluation (your opinion) Now check your paper

4. ADD COLOR description • Try to avoid common names of colors, but also don’t use color names that are too obscure (e.g. cyan, beryl) • Examples: • Reds: brick, claret, ruby, maroon, rust, scarlet, garnet, fiery, cherry, strawberry • Purples: grape, lavender, plum, lilac • Blues: navy, cobalt, royal, colonial, indigo, turquoise • Greens: emerald, aquamarine, verdant, lime, grass, pine • Yellows: lemon, neon, saffron, sunny, jaundiced • Oranges: tangerine, apricot, cantaloupe Now check your paper

5. Use specific nouns • Replace common/general nouns: • Instead of truck: Ford Bronco • Instead of dog: German Shepherd • Instead of building: skyscraper 30 stories tall • Instead of street: Maple Avenue • Original: He raced along the street in his truck. • Revision: He raced along Maple Avenue in his neon pink Ford Bronco pick-up truck. Now check your paper

6. Use action verbs that are more specific • Instead of walked: strutted • Instead of said: bellowed • Instead of ate: gorged • Instead of drank: guzzled • Instead of held: squished • Original: Minnie held the apples against her chest as she drank her Pepsi. • Revision: Minnie squished the brown bag of red delicious apples against her chest as she guzzled the Pepsi Now check your paper

7. Add “sound” details • Avoid using the words “sound” and “hear.” • Tapping, clicking, squeak, creaky, pounding, crinkle • Drumming, pinging, echoing, reverberating, clunk, whispered • Plop, clatter, sing-song, melodious, tuneless, whistling Now check your paper

8. Add “smell” details • Avoid using the word “smell” • Sweet, acrid, sour, spicy, scent • Rotten, fresh, piney, moldy, odor • Musty, burnt, perfumed, flowery, corroded Now check your paper

9. Add “touch” details • Avoid using the word “touch” • Leathery, lukewarm, mushy, oily, prickly • Waxy, wet, woolly, soft, cold • Sandy, satiny, sharp, silky, concave Now check your paper

10. Add figurative language • Similes: her smile was like the sun • Metaphor: she was a tornado flying through the living room • Personification: the crisp leaves whispered in the wind • Onomatopoeia: All we could hear was the plop and ding of the water hitting the metal trashcan Now check your paper

11. Add inner thoughts, opinions, and feelings • Put your personality and “voice” into your writing! • Try doing this WITHOUT using “I think” or “I feel” • Try describing things in a way that really shows how you feel! Now check your paper

12. Vary Sentence Length • Count how many words are in each sentence • List the numbers down the left side of your paper • What conclusions can you draw? • Do you have too many short sentences? Too many long sentences? Any run-ons? Take another look at the numbers and decide what revisions you should make • For variety in your writing, be sure to include short sentences (3-5 words in length) and long sentences (6+ words in length) Now check your paper

13. Add complex sentences • Use conjunctions to link phrases and sentences • Make sure many of your sentences havge 2 parts! Her body was exhausted, even though she had slept for twelve hours. She sprinted up the hill and raced to the Gatorade line Now check your paper

14. Avoid using the linking “to be” verbs • Linking verbs = am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been • Circle the “to be” verbs that you have used • Replace most of the ACTION verbs • Original: She was angry • Revision: She threw her books across the room and slammed the window shut. SHOW- rather than tell! Now check your paper

15. Be sure you have used logical order and organization • Grabber (introduction) • Body paragraphs (3-5) • Clincher (conclusion) • Chronological, order of importance, spatial order, comparison/contrast, cause/effect, description, problem/solution. Now check your paper

16. Use transitional words to guide your reader • Chronological: first, next, last, then, while, initially, when, finally, later • Comparison: although, on the other hand, similarly, however, although, but, as opposed to, nevertheless • Description/Spatial order: between, under, above, to the left of, near, on top of, behind, below, beyond • Cause/Effect: consequently, as a result, it follows that, therefore, finally, next, how, in order to, if… then Now check your paper Also check your own organizers!

17. Vary Sentence Starters • List the first word in each of your sentences • DO you use any words more than twice? Circle at all of your repetitions • For variety, try not to repeat the same word at the beginning of your sentences. • Challenge: use different words to start each sentence • This might mean moving clauses and/or rewriting some of your sentences! Now check your paper

18. The End! Now go fix your paper for publishing