Recognizing and Confronting the Office Bully

1. Recognizing and Confronting the Office Bully A workshop for employees everywhere

2. Topics for Discussion • Definition and Examples of Bullying • Impact of Bullying on the Organization • Impact of Bullying on their Targets • A Description of Bullies • Identifying Bullying Behavior • What to do when Bullied • What to do when Bullying is reported to you

3. Office Bullying “Persistent verbal and nonverbal aggression at work, that includes personal attacks, social ostracism, and a multitude of other painful messages and hostile interactions."

4. Tactics used by Bullies • Shouting • Name-calling • Belittling or criticizing • Giving them the silent treatment • Excluding a co-worker from company, departmental, or group events • Encouraging others to dislike, avoid or exclude a co-worker

5. Tactics used by Bullies • Staring, glaring, or showing clear signs of hostility • Being treated with disrespect • Exhibiting frightening mood swings • Deliberately overloading their target with work • Making up rules impossible to follow • Setting up their target to fail

6. Tactics used by Bullies • Making someone feel bad or ashamed • Purposely withholding information from their target • Start, or fail to stop, destructive rumors • Steal Credit for their Target’s work • Lie about their Target’s work performance • Making their Target feel unwelcome

7. Impact of Bullying Bullying causes the organization to suffer from: • Loss of productivity • Loss of departmental morale • Staff disengagement • Increased staff turnover • Lowered community reputation • Increased interest by the media • Risk of litigation • Risk of violence

8. Impact of Bullying Reasons why former employees were bullied: • Independent and not subservient enough • More technical competence than their supervisors • Better liked by staff and customers • Being ethical, honest and willing to expose fraud

9. Impact of Bullying Targets of bullying can develop: • anxiety, • depression, • high blood pressure, • migraines, • stomach troubles, and • post-traumatic stress disorder.

10. Impact of Bullying Other effects include: • Disrupted social life • Loss of friendships • Social Ostracization • Professional Marginalization • Promotions denied • Loss of job

11. Office Bullying Bullies… • usually have an organizational power advantage over their target(s). • don’t think they have a problem. • don’t know how to accept feedback. • don’t know how to apologize. • don’t recognize themselves as bullies.

12. Bullies, when Confronted • Get defensive. • Claim their target is over reacting. • Claim there would not be a problem if their target would let it go and move on. • Say their target, “Shouldn’t feel that way.” • Blame their target for their behavior. • Claim to be the real victim here.

13. Bullies, when Confronted • Want to move forward • Don’t want to rehash the past. • Want to put this behind us for the good of the organization.

14. Who are the Bullies? • Don’t be confused about who the bullies are • Bullies try to confuse management • Bullies try to encourage doubt • Bullies try to play the victim

15. Tests to Identify the Bullies • A Group vs. an Individual • Excuses and False Reasons • Unjustified Causation • Hierarchy Rules

16. Changing Behavior Bullies will not change without being confronted But don’t expect for bullies to… • …‘all of a sudden’ understand the negative impact of their behavior • …feel the need to apologize • …change unless there are negative consequences for their behavior

17. Code of Conduct and Standards of Behavior for Employees Employees will show mutual respect for others, basic courtesy, reciprocity (treating others as we wish to be treated), and behaviors that create a positive environment in which to learn and to work.

18. Signs of a Bully’s Behavior Their bullying… • is not about your work • is not about the work of your department or the organization • It’s about their own private agenda

19. Events Bullies use office-related social occasions to exclude, ostracize, and isolate their targets. When a group of co-workers join a bully in ostracizing a colleague, it’s called Mobbing. Co-workers participate in mobbing because they are afraid not to.

20. Company or Private Event? • A summer company picnic • Lunch out with your department • Gatherings at Out-of-town Conferences • A Happy Hour organized by employees • Lunch out hosted by another department • Hosting a party at your house

21. What should you do? What do you do if someone is excluding a member of your department from a social or professional event? What if the bully refuses to be inclusive?

22. Bullies are poor at Apologizing “I’m sorry you feel that way.” “I’m sorry if you were offended.” “I’m sorry about X, but…”

23. Bullies are poor at Apologizing “I’m sorry youfeel that way.” “I’m sorry if you were offended.” “I’m sorry about X, but…” A better method: • “I’m sorry I…” • “I promise…” • “What can I do to make this right?” or “Can you forgive me?”

24. What should you do? • Keep a diary of events • Tell you family about what is happening to you • Talk with your director, manager, or supervisor • If the bullying continues, take it higher up • Contact your Human Resources department • Contact your Employee Assistance Plan (EAP)

25. Suggested Behavior • Don’t react strongly • Don’t show you are angry or upset • Don’t try to retaliate • Don’t believe what they say about you • Act courteously and professionally

26. And so it continues… Why do co-workers allow bullying to occur? • They are afraid of the bully • They expect someone in authority to step in • They expect “The Company” to DO something • They are bullies themselves and don’t want their behavior questioned • They are getting something out of it themselves

27. Who will stop the Bully? The President of the Company? The Board? Human Resources? Someone else? The Real Answer: You and your colleagues

28. Be a Leader! • Do not force the target to sit down with the bully in mediation • If you witnessed the behavior, talk directly with the bully • Delayed interventions are very effective

29. Resources • Employee Assistance Program (EAP) • Human Resources • Your manager or supervisor Books: • The Bully-Free Workplace by Gary and Ruth Namie • Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now! by Valerie Cade